Best Pet Rock Breed
What are the best breeds of pet rocks? This issue comes up a lot! Every time I see some kid trying to play in the sand I yell out “Get a rock!” (I worry that some of my neighbors do not understand.) Rocks are great because they don´t eat, much, and you won´t have long and unsatisfying arguments on the best diet for a pet rock. (Arguing about the best dog food diet is sort of like arguing about politics or religion. At least I know I am right.)
You also won´t have to worry about some over-educated greenie going on about composting your rock´s waste products. Most of the other benefits are obvious (low exercise requirements, no expensive day care or boarding required, no vaccinations or other ridiculously overpriced health care expenses) and best of all is that they are also easy to train and will keep you out of obedience classes!
Not all rocks are the same, however. Some rocks are easy to care for; some rocks will cause problems in your house from the day you bring them home. (Do you have any idea what it costs to build a wall safe to guard your pet rock?) Certain rocks will turn to dust before you know it; other rocks will still be around when your grandchildren are your age. Selecting a rock is an important duty and you should do plenty of research on the internet and not fall in love with the first rock you see.
So what are the best breeds of pet rock?
1. Chalk: Yes, this really is a rock. No, I do not recommend getting one. They tend to disintegrate if played with too much and if they get wet—well, don´t even go there. It is really sad.
2. Crystal : This rock has gained a lot of popularity with the new age types and owners become so attached that you can see them dangling around the neck or sitting on a desk in the office. It is kind of like having a diamond pet rock but a lot cheaper. The extremely frugal pet rock lover can even dig one up.
3. Flint: This rock has a great history. It is so tough and breaks off so cleanly that it has been used since paleolithic times as a knife. Of course this has caused a lot of problems. This rock has a poor reputation because of its background and many communities have enacted legislation to ban the ownership of flint pet rocks. (It could be worse. Imagine you were an obsidian pet rock and branded with the BBR syndrome?)
4. Onyx: (Well, Mexican Onyx actually, but who cares?) These rocks are actually soft when they are dug out of the ground but are carved by humans in all sorts of great shapes. They are available in tourist traps all over the world and can be purchased in the shapes of turtles, rabbits, elephants, or eggs. This is a great breed of rock to own if you need to tell people you have a pet. “Yeah, I have a rabbit “; failing to mention it is a rock. When the person starts to talk about rabbit diseases or feeding requirements, just look bored and pretend to be thinking of something else. It works every time.
5. Granite: This rock is common all over the world and makes a great companion. In fact according to the ARC (American Rock Club) this is the most commonly registered breed of rock in the US. There are several web sites out there that recommend that you modify your rock by attaching false hair or painting on artificial body parts. This practice is not sanctioned and can cause serious damage, both emotional and physical. PETeR (People for the Ethical Treatment of Rocks) has actually published an important paper on their position on this issue. Granite rocks look best when left natural.
6. Diamond: This is my personal favorite and really it is hard to imagine a better rock than a diamond. They are expensive but are tough and can beat all of the other rocks on the playground. If you do not want to admit that you are a pet rock person, you can have your diamond cut up and then have it mounted into a piece of jewelry.
Do I recommend you find a perfect breed of rock? Of course, but I urge you to think outside the box! Pet rocks are available everywhere; although the six breeds listed here are great, there are others out there that need to find a home. The U.S., Mexico, and Brazil have some of the best rock collections and a special breed can be found for everyone. If you are having trouble deciding on the best pet rock visit a rock show and look at all of the varieties available.
Do not obtain your new rock from a back yard geologist or rock mill! Conditions there are hard to imagine. There are plenty of great rock rescue organizations; all it takes is a little effort on your part. You can also support your local rock shelter and adopt a beautiful rock that will make a great pet.
So go ahead. Find that great breed of rock today!