Welcome to Eccentric Equestrians
Like every equestrian knows, it's not what you say to a horse that gets its attention, it's how you say it. And, as Gary Cooper once said, " Sometimes actions spoke louder than words. In Westerns you were permitted to kiss your horse, but never your girl."
If you're looking for fun with friendly four-footed folk, you've come to the right spot. So saddle up, get your spurs on, and take that silly smirk off your face!
Image Credit: www.clipartguide.com - image - 0060-0807-2420-1628
Hang on to your horse honey!
HRH Quipping Queen learned at a very early age how to ride side saddle her favorite winged hobby horse, which she also trained to scorch unpleasant subjects upon her command.
Image Credit: decorstuff.com/la-peri-flower-of-immortality-lady-fairy-riding-dragon-real-bronze-powder-cast-statue-sculpture_79905_500
A Standard Utility Vehicle Fulfills the Need For Strength, Speed & Security - S.U.V. - Standard Ungulate Vehicle (with all the moving parts)
Horses are known for two things when it comes to locomotion: power and speed. Horsepower is a unit of power needed to lift 165 pounds 27 inches high in one second. The average horse is actually 10 to 13 times stronger than that, meaning that one horse normally is capable of producing 10 to 13 units of horsepower.
All of which only goes to prove as the Duke of Edinburgh once said, "A horse which stops dead just before a jump and thus propels its rider into a graceful arc provides a splendid excuse for general merriment."
What kind of horse does a queen ride?
When it comes to rocking horses, H.R.H. Quipping Queen will only ride one that is purple with pink accents, has smooth suspension and anti-lock hoofs, and will never say "neigh" to her commands.
Image Credit: allbabytoys.wordpress.com/princess-rocking-horse.jpg
Sir Lance-A-Lot (aka Lord of Lickety-Split) clip clops along to rescue a fair maiden
During the Age of Chivalry, a knight was considered chivalrous if he was adept at riding a horse in full armor, which is not easy when the armor and rider together weighed around 440 pounds. (No wonder he was looking for a damsel-in-distress with no carry-on luggage!)
It's also probably why he muttered nonchalantly under his breath, "When riding my trusty steed I no longer have my heart in my chest, but between my knees."
Image Credit: Knight on horseback - www.dennisholmesdesigns.com
Knights-in-Shining Armour Shop
I spy a knight on horseback ready, willing, and able to smight any snake in the grass he can find!
Clippety-clop, there's a carpet-knight coming to the rescue of a damsel-in-distress.
Sir Lance-A-Lot is on his way!
This knight is not a mission to slay a dragon with flowers.
A Word of Advice from Men on Mounts:
"British Broadsides" Cavalry Officer: How do you catch a loose horse?
"French Quarters" Cavalry Officer: Make a sound like a carrot!
Image Credit: www.corbisimages.com
"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."
-- W. C. Fields --
Yes Virgina, Dashing Dudes Do Get Dressed Up for Dressage?
"In what other sport do you put on leather boots, stretch-fabric breeches, a shirt and tie, a wool jacket, a velvet-covered cap, and leather gloves, and then go out and ride?"
Image Credit: www.shutterstock.com - image - 9359923
Quote: A. London Wolf
What's In a Horse's Name?
Who hasn't tossed and turned, perhaps lost some valuable shut-eye, or torn hair out trying to find just the right name for that nifty-looking nag, that sassy sway-back beauty, or that surly stud who hates drawing carriages and having a sling attached to catch his horse apples?
Eccentric equestrians can finally wipe that sweat from their brow or perspiration from their cheeks. The fine folks at Wordlab have the perfect solution. Pick a name for your prized/pathetic equine or ripsnorting race horse from their list of helpful suggestions.
And, here are a few of their best horse handles:
Attila Mockingbird, Be My Trotsky, Brown Noser, Chuck The Wagon, Cookie Bookie, Dragon Sooth, Loin Lounger, Molten Plaid, Mr. Punnymoon, Mumble Bee, Noise Blossom, Ode If Ferrous, Pandora's Boxers, Picky Wicket, Princess Jellybean, Quick Turtle, Rebuttal Rocket, Rosy Slang, Sasskatchy, Sgt. Buttercup, Snowpoke, The Flotsam Jetset, ThunderBlunder, Tumblebee, Uncle Goldilocks, Voodude, Was Honey's Money, Whole Lota Lita, Wicked Bored, Xseed, Yangtze Doodle, Zillabug
Haven't got a clue what to name your fetlock friend?
What do you mean 10,001 names is not enough from which to choose? Pick one and run with it you hopeless hoofer!
A HORSE IS A HORSE...OR IS IT? - It's hard to tell where the horse begins and the rider ends.
A horse may be God's gift to man, but it's not clear why some men prefer to be the posterior of a pantomime horse.
Image Credit: www.odd-fishing.net
HAPPY HORSE SHOP
Okay, ridem' cowboy or cowgirl!
Ooh la la, a rollicking rockings horse!
Now there's one posh pony!
This top of the line happy horse comes with its own nay-saying sound system.
FOR THE CLOTHESHORSE CROWD
... Frankly my dear, she's not known for sporting fashionable fetlocks let alone frocks at the best of times.
Illustration by Andy Meyer - www.andymeyer.com
If you had to choose a name for this classy clotheshorse, what would it be?
As every happy horsewoman knows... - Riding is the art of keeping a horse between you and the ground.
If truth be told, Thunder and Lightening were no match for this cheeky chick in yellow pullovers, tiny jodpurs and a velvet safety helmet!
And, while our jestful jockey agrees with a friend of fillies named Ms. Rita Mae Brown, that "if the world was truly a rational place, men would ride sidesaddle", she also knows that when those hefty hooves hit the track, "a woman only needs two animals [in life] -- the horse of her dreams and a jackass to pay for it!"
Image Credit: Norman Thelwell - illustrator, www.smh.com.au
Horse-handling by any other name is ...
Image Credit: Dressage - cafepress.com/359625625v10_480x480_Front_padToSquare-true.jpg
From The Horse's Mouth:
"I never play horseshoes
because mother taught us
not to throw our clothes around."
-- Mr. Ed (the "talking horse" of the 1960's TV series)
A Horse in the Bathroom Trumps an Elephant in the Living Room!
Just Horsing Around Poll
I'd like to wring the neck of the jackass who moved my hitching post!
So pardner, when was the last time you rode a hobbyhorse?
What good is a man without a horse, or for that matter, a fish without a bicycle?
Take a piece of advice from WILD BILL HICCUP:
"If you wanna stable friendship -- get a horse!"
Image Credit: Chud Tsankov Illustrations at flickr.com
ENTERTAINING EQUESTRIAN GAGS & GIFTS
No their not for the rider -- they're meant for four-legged furry or fetlock friends.
If thinking like a homo sapien has escaped you, thinking like a horse will be right up your alley. A great guide for anyone thinking of riding a horse.
A wonderful present for anyone who asks a dumb question like "what do grapes and horses have in common?"
A heavenly find for anyone who wants to avoid shock and awe or saddle sores.
HORSE SENSE POLL
"Horse sense" probably does not refer to the intelligence of horses since they are, unfortunately, limited in this regard. Relative to their body size, horses have very small brains.
On the other hand, as W.C. Fields (American actor and comic) once said, "Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."
All of which raises a very important question -- why are homo sapiens so keen on possessing horse sense...are they truely in love with "stable thinking"?
Have you ever ridden a horse?
A Course in How To Steer Your Stallion Safely Never Hurts
I prefer a bike to a horse. The brakes are more easily checked. -- Lambert Jeffries
HELP WANTED: - Knight in shining armor willing to mount a Trojan Horse.
Harold Hoofer III, (Spare Knight at King Arthur's Round Table Tavern), knew he was up to the task of slaying dragons with flowers but, he wasn't too sure about whether this gig would ruin his ripsnorting reputation.
Image Credit: Nacho Diaz posted in videounivers.com/Nacho-Diaz-Trojan-Horse-580x652
NORTH POLE NEWS FLASH
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
The good news this year is that due to cranky complaints received from grumbly gift recipients last year about the excess emissions of methane gas expelled by his ripsnorting reindeer team, Santa Claus has decided to opt for an environmentally-friendly, GPS equipped, commodity conveyance vehicle, a rather fine recycled hobby-horse.
The bad news is that scientists estimate it will probably take him 250 years to deliver your gift, and by then, you'll have changed your address to somewhere in the great beyond .... and regrettably, Santa doesn't deliver there.
Image Credit: shutterstock.com/66741370
Look dude, just because I pull your frigging sleigh once a year doesn't make me a horse! - Santa I don't care what you pay me, I still refuse to have you strap
Happy Horsefeathers & Goosebump Greetings from the Eccentric Equestrian Society of Chronologically-Gifted People of Size
Image Credit: Santa on Horseback - flickr.com - 4185241869_9d02e5e8de
Horses Like Happy Holidays Too!
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!
-- Joe E. Lewis
YOUR "NEIGH"BORHOOD BOOKSTORE
Perfect for gift for those who love "horse in the bathroom" stories.
Perfect gift for those who are bored with "Sex in the City" and who want to try their luck with it in the saddle.
A ripsnorting read for enquine entertainment...especially if you've always wanted to know how horses and their riders change light bulbs, the pros and cons of horses and husbands, or just silly things that come from the horse's mouth.
A true story of an eccentric equestrian ...full of filly fun and horse humor!
A good many laughs, particularly if the thought of wading through a another how-to book like 'Dressage for Dummies' just to learn a few fetlock facts might bore one to tears.