ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Eccentric Equestrians

Updated on January 13, 2013

Welcome to Eccentric Equestrians

Like every equestrian knows, it's not what you say to a horse that gets its attention, it's how you say it. And, as Gary Cooper once said, " Sometimes actions spoke louder than words. In Westerns you were permitted to kiss your horse, but never your girl."

If you're looking for fun with friendly four-footed folk, you've come to the right spot. So saddle up, get your spurs on, and take that silly smirk off your face!

_____________

Image Credit: www.clipartguide.com - image - 0060-0807-2420-1628

Hang on to your horse honey!

HRH Quipping Queen learned at a very early age how to ride side saddle her favorite winged hobby horse, which she also trained to scorch unpleasant subjects upon her command.

________________

Image Credit: decorstuff.com/la-peri-flower-of-immortality-lady-fairy-riding-dragon-real-bronze-powder-cast-statue-sculpture_79905_500

A Standard Utility Vehicle Fulfills the Need For Strength, Speed & Security - S.U.V. - Standard Ungulate Vehicle (with all the moving parts)

Horses are known for two things when it comes to locomotion: power and speed. Horsepower is a unit of power needed to lift 165 pounds 27 inches high in one second. The average horse is actually 10 to 13 times stronger than that, meaning that one horse normally is capable of producing 10 to 13 units of horsepower.

All of which only goes to prove as the Duke of Edinburgh once said, "A horse which stops dead just before a jump and thus propels its rider into a graceful arc provides a splendid excuse for general merriment."

What kind of horse does a queen ride?

When it comes to rocking horses, H.R.H. Quipping Queen will only ride one that is purple with pink accents, has smooth suspension and anti-lock hoofs, and will never say "neigh" to her commands.

____________

Image Credit: allbabytoys.wordpress.com/princess-rocking-horse.jpg

Sir Lance-A-Lot (aka Lord of Lickety-Split) clip clops along to rescue a fair maiden

During the Age of Chivalry, a knight was considered chivalrous if he was adept at riding a horse in full armor, which is not easy when the armor and rider together weighed around 440 pounds. (No wonder he was looking for a damsel-in-distress with no carry-on luggage!)

It's also probably why he muttered nonchalantly under his breath, "When riding my trusty steed I no longer have my heart in my chest, but between my knees."

____________

Image Credit: Knight on horseback - www.dennisholmesdesigns.com

Knights-in-Shining Armour Shop

Schleich Lion Coat of Arms Knight with sword on horse
Schleich Lion Coat of Arms Knight with sword on horse

I spy a knight on horseback ready, willing, and able to smight any snake in the grass he can find!

 
Schleich Lion Coat of Arms Prince on Reared up Horse
Schleich Lion Coat of Arms Prince on Reared up Horse

Clippety-clop, there's a carpet-knight coming to the rescue of a damsel-in-distress.

 
Schleich Tournament Knight, Taurus
Schleich Tournament Knight, Taurus

Sir Lance-A-Lot is on his way!

 
Schleich Fleur De Lis Tournament Knight
Schleich Fleur De Lis Tournament Knight

This knight is not a mission to slay a dragon with flowers.

 

A Word of Advice from Men on Mounts:

"British Broadsides" Cavalry Officer: How do you catch a loose horse?

"French Quarters" Cavalry Officer: Make a sound like a carrot!

_____________

Image Credit: www.corbisimages.com

"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."

-- W. C. Fields --

Yes Virgina, Dashing Dudes Do Get Dressed Up for Dressage?

"In what other sport do you put on leather boots, stretch-fabric breeches, a shirt and tie, a wool jacket, a velvet-covered cap, and leather gloves, and then go out and ride?"

____________

Image Credit: www.shutterstock.com - image - 9359923

Quote: A. London Wolf

What's In a Horse's Name?

Who hasn't tossed and turned, perhaps lost some valuable shut-eye, or torn hair out trying to find just the right name for that nifty-looking nag, that sassy sway-back beauty, or that surly stud who hates drawing carriages and having a sling attached to catch his horse apples?

Eccentric equestrians can finally wipe that sweat from their brow or perspiration from their cheeks. The fine folks at Wordlab have the perfect solution. Pick a name for your prized/pathetic equine or ripsnorting race horse from their list of helpful suggestions.

And, here are a few of their best horse handles:

Attila Mockingbird, Be My Trotsky, Brown Noser, Chuck The Wagon, Cookie Bookie, Dragon Sooth, Loin Lounger, Molten Plaid, Mr. Punnymoon, Mumble Bee, Noise Blossom, Ode If Ferrous, Pandora's Boxers, Picky Wicket, Princess Jellybean, Quick Turtle, Rebuttal Rocket, Rosy Slang, Sasskatchy, Sgt. Buttercup, Snowpoke, The Flotsam Jetset, ThunderBlunder, Tumblebee, Uncle Goldilocks, Voodude, Was Honey's Money, Whole Lota Lita, Wicked Bored, Xseed, Yangtze Doodle, Zillabug

Haven't got a clue what to name your fetlock friend?

The Incredible Little Book of 10,001 Names for Horses
The Incredible Little Book of 10,001 Names for Horses

What do you mean 10,001 names is not enough from which to choose? Pick one and run with it you hopeless hoofer!

 

A HORSE IS A HORSE...OR IS IT? - It's hard to tell where the horse begins and the rider ends.

A horse may be God's gift to man, but it's not clear why some men prefer to be the posterior of a pantomime horse.

____________

Image Credit: www.odd-fishing.net

HAPPY HORSE SHOP

Rockin' Rider Brown Rocking Pony
Rockin' Rider Brown Rocking Pony

Now there's one posh pony!

 
Rockin' Rider Painted Rocking Pony
Rockin' Rider Painted Rocking Pony

This top of the line happy horse comes with its own nay-saying sound system.

 

FOR THE CLOTHESHORSE CROWD

... Frankly my dear, she's not known for sporting fashionable fetlocks let alone frocks at the best of times.

__________

Illustration by Andy Meyer - www.andymeyer.com

If you had to choose a name for this classy clotheshorse, what would it be?

See results

As every happy horsewoman knows... - Riding is the art of keeping a horse between you and the ground.

If truth be told, Thunder and Lightening were no match for this cheeky chick in yellow pullovers, tiny jodpurs and a velvet safety helmet!

And, while our jestful jockey agrees with a friend of fillies named Ms. Rita Mae Brown, that "if the world was truly a rational place, men would ride sidesaddle", she also knows that when those hefty hooves hit the track, "a woman only needs two animals [in life] -- the horse of her dreams and a jackass to pay for it!"

____________

Image Credit: Norman Thelwell - illustrator, www.smh.com.au

Horse-handling by any other name is ...

____________

Image Credit: Dressage - cafepress.com/359625625v10_480x480_Front_padToSquare-true.jpg

From The Horse's Mouth:

"I never play horseshoes

because mother taught us

not to throw our clothes around."

-- Mr. Ed (the "talking horse" of the 1960's TV series)

A Horse in the Bathroom Trumps an Elephant in the Living Room!

Just Horsing Around Poll

I'd like to wring the neck of the jackass who moved my hitching post!

So pardner, when was the last time you rode a hobbyhorse?

See results

What good is a man without a horse, or for that matter, a fish without a bicycle?

Take a piece of advice from WILD BILL HICCUP:

"If you wanna stable friendship -- get a horse!"

____________

Image Credit: Chud Tsankov Illustrations at flickr.com

ENTERTAINING EQUESTRIAN GAGS & GIFTS

Mrs Pastures Horse Cookies 32 Ounce
Mrs Pastures Horse Cookies 32 Ounce

No their not for the rider -- they're meant for four-legged furry or fetlock friends.

 
How to Think Like A Horse: The Essential Handbook for Understanding Why Horses Do What They Do
How to Think Like A Horse: The Essential Handbook for Understanding Why Horses Do What They Do

If thinking like a homo sapien has escaped you, thinking like a horse will be right up your alley. A great guide for anyone thinking of riding a horse.

 
Rivers Edge Hand Painted Horse Wine Bottle Holder
Rivers Edge Hand Painted Horse Wine Bottle Holder

A wonderful present for anyone who asks a dumb question like "what do grapes and horses have in common?"

 
Weaver Leather Western Gel Seat Pad, Black
Weaver Leather Western Gel Seat Pad, Black

A heavenly find for anyone who wants to avoid shock and awe or saddle sores.

 
Hold Your Horses Reflective Trailer Sign
Hold Your Horses Reflective Trailer Sign

For slow piebald pokes on the horse highway of life.

 

HORSE SENSE POLL

"Horse sense" probably does not refer to the intelligence of horses since they are, unfortunately, limited in this regard. Relative to their body size, horses have very small brains.

On the other hand, as W.C. Fields (American actor and comic) once said, "Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."

All of which raises a very important question -- why are homo sapiens so keen on possessing horse sense...are they truely in love with "stable thinking"?

Have you ever ridden a horse?

See results

A Course in How To Steer Your Stallion Safely Never Hurts

I prefer a bike to a horse. The brakes are more easily checked. -- Lambert Jeffries

HELP WANTED: - Knight in shining armor willing to mount a Trojan Horse.

Harold Hoofer III, (Spare Knight at King Arthur's Round Table Tavern), knew he was up to the task of slaying dragons with flowers but, he wasn't too sure about whether this gig would ruin his ripsnorting reputation.

________________

Image Credit: Nacho Diaz posted in videounivers.com/Nacho-Diaz-Trojan-Horse-580x652

NORTH POLE NEWS FLASH

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

The good news this year is that due to cranky complaints received from grumbly gift recipients last year about the excess emissions of methane gas expelled by his ripsnorting reindeer team, Santa Claus has decided to opt for an environmentally-friendly, GPS equipped, commodity conveyance vehicle, a rather fine recycled hobby-horse.

The bad news is that scientists estimate it will probably take him 250 years to deliver your gift, and by then, you'll have changed your address to somewhere in the great beyond .... and regrettably, Santa doesn't deliver there.

________________

Image Credit: shutterstock.com/66741370

Look dude, just because I pull your frigging sleigh once a year doesn't make me a horse! - Santa I don't care what you pay me, I still refuse to have you strap

Happy Horsefeathers & Goosebump Greetings from the Eccentric Equestrian Society of Chronologically-Gifted People of Size

_____________

Image Credit: Santa on Horseback - flickr.com - 4185241869_9d02e5e8de

Horses Like Happy Holidays Too!

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!

-- Joe E. Lewis

YOUR "NEIGH"BORHOOD BOOKSTORE

Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Horse Lover's Companion (Uncle John's Bathroom Readers)
Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Horse Lover's Companion (Uncle John's Bathroom Readers)

Perfect for gift for those who love "horse in the bathroom" stories.

 
Women Are from Venus and So Are Their Horses: A Grown Man's Musings on the Opposite Sex in the Saddle (Dutch Edition)
Women Are from Venus and So Are Their Horses: A Grown Man's Musings on the Opposite Sex in the Saddle (Dutch Edition)

Perfect gift for those who are bored with "Sex in the City" and who want to try their luck with it in the saddle.

 
Horse Laffs: A Collection of Equine Humor
Horse Laffs: A Collection of Equine Humor

A ripsnorting read for enquine entertainment...especially if you've always wanted to know how horses and their riders change light bulbs, the pros and cons of horses and husbands, or just silly things that come from the horse's mouth.

 
The Chronicles of the $700 Pony
The Chronicles of the $700 Pony

A true story of an eccentric equestrian ...full of filly fun and horse humor!

 
Dressage Unscrambled
Dressage Unscrambled

A good many laughs, particularly if the thought of wading through a another how-to book like 'Dressage for Dummies' just to learn a few fetlock facts might bore one to tears.

 

Feedback from Friends of Funny Fetlocks & Fillies - Okey dokey, for the purposes of equal opportunity horse around humor , we can also add comical colts, mi

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Aunt-Mollie 5 years ago

      I used to have horses. I laughed out loud at this lens! I don't know how you found all of these things. Liked!

    • Dressage Husband profile image

      Stephen J Parkin 5 years ago from Pine Grove, Nova Scotia, Canada

      A great laugh for any horse lover!

    • profile image

      greenlungsofpoland 5 years ago

      lot's of laughs - nicely done

    • HorseThinkery profile image

      HorseThinkery 5 years ago

      Thank you for the giggles!! Very entertaining! :D

    • profile image

      inkserotica 6 years ago

      A fluttering of ghostly angel wings have passed on by and sent blessings your way :)