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Nellie Thedogski's Guide to Training Humans to buy FUN Dog Toys

Updated on October 4, 2014
Nellie Thedogski and one of her many chew toys
Nellie Thedogski and one of her many chew toys | Source

Dog Toys Recommended by Nellie the Dog

Hi my name is Nellie Thedog (from the famous Russian canine family known before the revolution as Thedogski's), and you human beings may think you know exactly what I like for those special occasions. But I am here to tell you that many of the gifts (or as you know them dog toys) you provide us canines with don't quite hit the right note.

So breaking with the canine code of silence that we must sign up to in order to exist within your world and to avoid appearing too threatening, I will give you a heads up as to exactly what we, that you know as dogs, love to receive and play with.

All Photo Credits: The Author

Stuffed Dog Toys

Me and Sos
Me and Sos

Stuffed Dog Toys

Petstages Just For Fun No Stuffing Plush LiL Squeak Monkey Dog Toy for Small Dogs
Petstages Just For Fun No Stuffing Plush LiL Squeak Monkey Dog Toy for Small Dogs

It squeaks, it has no stuffing for me to pull out and it's soft and chewy. Perfect.

 

Ok, so it won't come as a surprise that we all like stuffed toys. They are perfect to get your teeth in to and as a prey we can stalk they make a timid and easy to catch alternative to chasing those pesky birds!

The best stuffed toys are the ones that fit nicely into our mouths, can be washed and are big enough for me to be able to tease you with and make you think you have half a chance of getting it out of my mouth. Laugh, yes I will at your feeble attempts to get the stuffed toy back.

My current favourite is the epiphanous Sos, short for Sausage, a small replica of my genetic brother from another mother, the sausage dog. (See main picture).

Oh and watch out for feline spies...They are everywhere!

The Tennis Ball

Designed by the most powerful minds in the canine world, tennis was a game we had to invent so you would continue to manufacture tennis balls for our amusement. The only difficulty we have is training the females of your race how to throw the ball correctly for our amusement.

Dog scientists have spent many years on this subject, but eventually designed the great plastic ball launcher (see below). Designed by great canine minds to ensure our happiness.

Tennis Balls

It's our game. You remember that!

Gamma Sports Kids Training (Transition) Balls, Yellow/Green, Quick Kids 78, 12-Pack
Gamma Sports Kids Training (Transition) Balls, Yellow/Green, Quick Kids 78, 12-Pack

Patriot Australian tennis balls in green and gold. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie...Oi..Oi..Oi.

 

Socks

My Socks
My Socks

This is the perfect example of canine subterfuge; human beings believe that socks are for them to keep their feet warm and comfortable in their shoes.

In a master class of design, for centuries people have fallen for this ruse. All I can say is just keep bringing these chew toys (as we call them) in to our houses. Thank you for your co-operation.

Dog Chew Socks

Tubular Novelty Socks-Dog -Red W/Paw Prints
Tubular Novelty Socks-Dog -Red W/Paw Prints

If you buy socks for me to chew, then make sure they have dogs on them so there will be no confusion as to which ones belong to me.

 

The Lead

When you attach that cord to my collar you think you are taking me for a walk, however as we are all aware, it is actually us that are taking you for a walk. The little play session that I engage in at the start of the walk is just enough to distract you from the true nature of what is occurring.

Long, retractable leads are our preference as they ensure that we can control how far away from us you are and that you don’t run away whilst we are undertaking further investigation of the neighbourhood.

Leads to Keep You in Line

Flexi Explore Retractable Belt Dog Leash , Large, 26-Feet Long, Supports up to 110-Pound, Black
Flexi Explore Retractable Belt Dog Leash , Large, 26-Feet Long, Supports up to 110-Pound, Black

When I am taking you for a walk I don't want you getting under my feet all the time, so a nice long retractable lead is perfect for us both.

 

Dogpower

I'm watching you
I'm watching you

So who do you think runs your house?

See results

The Water Hose

Water Hose
Water Hose

We like grass, we like to roll in mud, we like to chase water, and we like to drink from our equivalent of a beer keg. Water hoses are purely for our amusement and to ensure that we have lush grass to roll around on.

Just to ensure that this charade is maintained we like to amuse you by chasing the stream of water in a display of chicanery that makes sure we keep you just where we want you.

My Water Hose

BunnyK™  Expandable Garden Water Hose 75ft
BunnyK™ Expandable Garden Water Hose 75ft

Making it even easier for you to bring home a new hose for my drinking enjoyment.

 

The Rubber Chicken

Our favourite joke toy, the rubber chicken with a squeaking device installed is the perfect toy to make sure that when you want to sleep in on a lazy Sunday morning we can approach your bedroom (or my playroom as I like to think of it) and wake you so we can get on with instructing you in what we want to do for the day.

It's the canine equivalent of an alarm clock that we control. Just like we control you.

Holiday Themed Toy

We like to keep you happy
We like to keep you happy

We like to humour you Homosapiens so when it comes to one of your holidays, we will participate in your celebrations as long as you provide us with an appropriately soft and chewable toy.

The photo here is of me modelling the latest in Christmas chews. It even comes complete with a squeaker to ensure no late morning sleeps for you. I would like to thank my neighbour Em for this quite appropriate gift. The rest of you take heed! Or else... Woof.

Holiday Chews

West Paw Design Ruff-N-Tuff Reindeer Squeak Toy for Dogs, Holiday, Brown
West Paw Design Ruff-N-Tuff Reindeer Squeak Toy for Dogs, Holiday, Brown

Every canine dreams of going to the North Pole at Christmas.. to chew on one of those delicious looking reindeer. Bring one home for me today.

 

Gee, This Writing Lark

Gee, This Writing Lark
Gee, This Writing Lark

Is Too Much Like Hard Work!

Is Too Much Like Hard Work!
Is Too Much Like Hard Work!

As a Talking Dog, What Would You Say to Me?

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    • tedwritesstuff24 profile image
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      TedWritesStuff 4 years ago

      @Magda2012: She is adorable ;-)

    • Magda2012 profile image

      Magda2012 4 years ago

      Nellie is so cute! great pictures too :)

    • tedwritesstuff24 profile image
      Author

      TedWritesStuff 4 years ago

      @loopylooh: Tis wise in the ways of the canine... another chew toy fanatic!

    • loopylooh profile image

      loopylooh 4 years ago

      My dogs love socks too

    • tedwritesstuff24 profile image
      Author

      TedWritesStuff 4 years ago

      @Snakesmum: She is a very wise dog! and is wagging her tail like crazy at your blessing ;-)

    • Snakesmum profile image

      Jean DAndrea 4 years ago from Victoria, Australia

      Excellent job explaining things to those pesky humans! :-)

    • knitstricken profile image

      knitstricken 4 years ago

      The Amazon section on hoses was quite helpful to me! Thank you!

    • tedwritesstuff24 profile image
      Author

      TedWritesStuff 4 years ago

      @MaryMitchell: ;-) Give me some toffee and I can throw like a champion..lol.. I like it because you can avoid the doggy slobber on the ball.

    • profile image

      MaryMitchell 4 years ago

      The Chuckit is a great invention - without it I can't throw for toffee!

    • tedwritesstuff24 profile image
      Author

      TedWritesStuff 4 years ago

      @getmoreinfo: She is very wise ;-) TY for the blessing ;-)))))

    • profile image

      getmoreinfo 4 years ago

      Great to know about the Guide to Canine Toys from your dog.

    • tedwritesstuff24 profile image
      Author

      TedWritesStuff 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Oh I think you may be queen of this domain Irene ;-)

    • tedwritesstuff24 profile image
      Author

      TedWritesStuff 4 years ago

      @WriterJanis2: I think Coco the cat may be the boss...lol..but Nellie is vice president!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Nellie very clever, you managed to make suckers of our house guests, but you know the real boss of the house is theCAT!!!!

    • WriterJanis2 profile image

      WriterJanis2 4 years ago

      We all know who's boss and you have some great doggy toys for me to play with.

    • tedwritesstuff24 profile image
      Author

      TedWritesStuff 4 years ago

      @deforst: Benevolent dictatorship ;-) woof

    • deforst profile image

      deforst 4 years ago

      I love you Nellie! But you've pointed out a good reason not to have a dog...I don't want to live in a dictatorship...lolololololol...