Nellie Thedogski's Guide to Training Humans to buy FUN Dog Toys
Dog Toys Recommended by Nellie the Dog
Hi my name is Nellie Thedog (from the famous Russian canine family known before the revolution as Thedogski's), and you human beings may think you know exactly what I like for those special occasions. But I am here to tell you that many of the gifts (or as you know them dog toys) you provide us canines with don't quite hit the right note.
So breaking with the canine code of silence that we must sign up to in order to exist within your world and to avoid appearing too threatening, I will give you a heads up as to exactly what we, that you know as dogs, love to receive and play with.
All Photo Credits: The Author
Stuffed Dog Toys
Stuffed Dog Toys
It squeaks, it has no stuffing for me to pull out and it's soft and chewy. Perfect.
Ok, so it won't come as a surprise that we all like stuffed toys. They are perfect to get your teeth in to and as a prey we can stalk they make a timid and easy to catch alternative to chasing those pesky birds!
The best stuffed toys are the ones that fit nicely into our mouths, can be washed and are big enough for me to be able to tease you with and make you think you have half a chance of getting it out of my mouth. Laugh, yes I will at your feeble attempts to get the stuffed toy back.
My current favourite is the epiphanous Sos, short for Sausage, a small replica of my genetic brother from another mother, the sausage dog. (See main picture).
Oh and watch out for feline spies...They are everywhere!
The Tennis Ball
Designed by the most powerful minds in the canine world, tennis was a game we had to invent so you would continue to manufacture tennis balls for our amusement. The only difficulty we have is training the females of your race how to throw the ball correctly for our amusement.
Dog scientists have spent many years on this subject, but eventually designed the great plastic ball launcher (see below). Designed by great canine minds to ensure our happiness.
It's our game. You remember that!
Patriot Australian tennis balls in green and gold. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie...Oi..Oi..Oi.
This is the perfect example of canine subterfuge; human beings believe that socks are for them to keep their feet warm and comfortable in their shoes.
In a master class of design, for centuries people have fallen for this ruse. All I can say is just keep bringing these chew toys (as we call them) in to our houses. Thank you for your co-operation.
Dog Chew Socks
If you buy socks for me to chew, then make sure they have dogs on them so there will be no confusion as to which ones belong to me.
When you attach that cord to my collar you think you are taking me for a walk, however as we are all aware, it is actually us that are taking you for a walk. The little play session that I engage in at the start of the walk is just enough to distract you from the true nature of what is occurring.
Long, retractable leads are our preference as they ensure that we can control how far away from us you are and that you don’t run away whilst we are undertaking further investigation of the neighbourhood.
Leads to Keep You in Line
When I am taking you for a walk I don't want you getting under my feet all the time, so a nice long retractable lead is perfect for us both.
So who do you think runs your house?
The Water Hose
We like grass, we like to roll in mud, we like to chase water, and we like to drink from our equivalent of a beer keg. Water hoses are purely for our amusement and to ensure that we have lush grass to roll around on.
Just to ensure that this charade is maintained we like to amuse you by chasing the stream of water in a display of chicanery that makes sure we keep you just where we want you.
My Water Hose
Making it even easier for you to bring home a new hose for my drinking enjoyment.
The Rubber Chicken
Our favourite joke toy, the rubber chicken with a squeaking device installed is the perfect toy to make sure that when you want to sleep in on a lazy Sunday morning we can approach your bedroom (or my playroom as I like to think of it) and wake you so we can get on with instructing you in what we want to do for the day.
It's the canine equivalent of an alarm clock that we control. Just like we control you.
Holiday Themed Toy
We like to humour you Homosapiens so when it comes to one of your holidays, we will participate in your celebrations as long as you provide us with an appropriately soft and chewable toy.
The photo here is of me modelling the latest in Christmas chews. It even comes complete with a squeaker to ensure no late morning sleeps for you. I would like to thank my neighbour Em for this quite appropriate gift. The rest of you take heed! Or else... Woof.
Every canine dreams of going to the North Pole at Christmas.. to chew on one of those delicious looking reindeer. Bring one home for me today.