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Udderly Ridiculous!

Updated on January 1, 2013

Welcome to Udderly Ridiculous Humor!

This light-hearted lens explores the wacky world of crazy cows and delightful dairy queens.

Let's face it, if you haven't got a cash cow to milk for all its worth, you don't look good in moo-moos, and bodacious bovines just don't do it for you, perhaps you need to visit a funny farm for a change.

Here at Udderly Ridiculous, we don't worship sacred cows nor do we yell Holy Cow at the top of our lungs. But if truth be told, we do have a soft spot in our hearts for Moo-La-La's, Milquetoast Mavens, and Cowabunga Cutie-Pies!

"UDDERLY UNUSUAL" BEVERAGES - Have you ever let your tastebuds try out these little gems?

Look Sweety Pie, how many times have I told you, "Dragon's Milk Ale" makes me burp, belch, and break wind.

So, how about pouring me a glass of "Brown Cow Chocolate Wine" and tell me a nice bedtime story.

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Image Credit: How Now Brown Cow wine label - tpsaye.wordpress.com/chocolate-wine

An Udderly Adorable Celebration!

How To Commemorate A Royal Visit

Cows ice cream company of Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island (Canada), knew how to welcome the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (Wills & Kate) -- a posh pair of "2011 - Royals Honeymoo-o-o-ning in Prince Edward Island" .

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Image Credit and News Story: www.cbc.ca/news/canada/prince-edward-island/story/2011/06/13/pei-royal-tshirt-cows-sales-58.

Udderly Cool -- The attitude that says... - "I'm the Big Cheese and don't you forget it!"

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Image Credit: Getty Images

What does "Deja Moo" mean? - The feeling that you've heard this bull before!

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Image Credit: bcanada92 at flickr.com

Cow Clicker Game for Facebook Folks - An Udderly Awesome Game for More Than Geeks

The dog days of summer for the social media crowd can be a wee bit boring especially if one has little to do to waste one's time.

So, it's not surprising that some enterprising geek got his marbles together to invent a nifty little time waster that beats waiting for Godot while poking fun at Facebook games.

As the "Cow Click" creator says, "It's partly a satire, and partly a playable theory of today's social games, and partly an earnest example of that genre."

For those who think games require skill, tactics and oodles of strategy, they'll be glad to know that none of these are needed to play this game. About the only blessed thing one needs to do is click your Facebook cow every six hours. Yes, just one click, not ten or twenty which would be taxing on one's digits.

Of course, the real fun happens when one invites other cow-clickers to one's pristine pasture. Those who love to decorate either themselves or their udderly adorable abodes may be delighted to hear that they can also buy virtual currency ("mooney") to personalize their bovine presence.

Let's face it, in the great pasture of life where the deer and the antelope play - I'm Udderly Yours!!

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Image Credit: www.corneliusstudio.com

Will you quit crying over spilt milk - and help me milk this story for all it's worth!

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Image Credit: www.theatreworksusa.org

Udderly Delicious Dairy Ditties - Notice they're all from the Head Honchos of the Herd

Milk the cow, but do not pull off the udder. -- Greek Proverb

Hey diddle diddle,

the cat and the fiddle,

The cow jumped over the moon,

The little dog laughed to see such sport,

And the dish ran away with the spoon. -- Mother Goose Rhymes

There's nothing like sitting back and talking to you cows, and if they talk back, you know you're really relaxed. --Russel Crowe

A mind of the caliber of mine cannot derive its nutriment from cows. -- George Bernard Shaw

Parties who want milk should not seat themselves on a stool in the middle of the field in hopes that the cow will back up to them. -- Elbert Hubbard

Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook. -- Ambrose Bierce from "The Devil's Dictionary"

Sacred cows make the best hamburgers. -- Mark Twain

The cow is of the bovine ilk;

One end is moo, the other, milk. -- Ogden Nash

The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency authorized in 1994 a $675,000 research grant to discover “if cattle belch enough methane to contribute to global warming.” Burping cows may indeed be adding to the methane that absorbs infrared radiation, thus heating up the heavens. Cows (as well as camels, sheep and antelope) are known to expel methane after grazing, but until now, no one knew how much. -- Peter C. Newman, Canadian author and journalist

Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans. -- Fred Allen

Opie, you haven't finished your milk. We can't put it back in the cow, you know. -- From The Andy Griffith Show

The friendly cow, all red and white,

I love with all my heart:

She gives me cream with all her might,

To eat with apple-tart. -- Robert Louis Stevenson

If happiness truly consisted in physical ease and freedom from care, then the happiest individual would not be either a man or a woman; it would be, I think, an American cow. -- William Lyon Phelps

"Ode to the Cow Who Jumped Over the Moon" by John Bear

Twinkle, twinkle little cow.

How I wonder, "Where art Thou?"

Above the world you did fly,

Gave new meaning to "Moon Pie."

Twinkle, twinkle little cow.

How I wonder, "Where art thou?"

Twinkle, twinkle little cow.

You got down? I wonder how.

Did you fly by aero-plane,

or by interstellar train?

Twinkle, twinkle little cow.

You got down? I wonder how.

Twinkle, twinkle little cow.

I gotta wonder, "What's up now?"

Are you planning trips to mars,

or to the Centauri stars?

Twinkle, twinkle little cow.

Will you make it?

Yes And How!

Udder Madness by another name:

What's an udderly ridiculous computer?

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Image Credit: Vimrod1's photostream on flickr.com - image 3023858647_fa42a271ee.jpg

What do you get from a pampered cow? - Spoiled Milk that's what!

UDDERLY RICULOUS PLACE POLL

Where do udderly ridiculous people live?

See results

A mad cow does not a marvellous merry-milking machine make!

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Image Credit: www.floatingbanana.com - artbackwash - illustration by Von R. Glitschka

Udderly Ridiculous Stuff

Impossible 750-Piece Cow Country Puzzle
Impossible 750-Piece Cow Country Puzzle

Holy Cow...this isn't as easy as it looks!

 
Country Moo Cow Can
Country Moo Cow Can

A lovely bit of mooooving music!

 

What does an udderly adorable, amazing and amusing contented cow listen to? - Why moooooooed moooooooosic of course!

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Image Credit: www.bbtiles.com

Look Sweet Cheeks, if you wanted Moolah... - You should've asked for a "Cash Cow" not a "Cool Cow"!

Got Milk? - He who got milk got moolah!

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Image Credit: www.locazu.com - image: 2010/02

How do you milk a cash cow?

See results

HAVE A MERRY MOO-SMAS! - And an Udderly Awesome New Year!!

Holy Cow thought Rosie The Udderly Ridiculous Reindeer! - Maybe it's about time to milk the season for all it's worth.

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Image Credit: Ron Leishman - clipartof.com 437547-.jpg

Milking Us For All We're Worth? - Dairy Farmers Know Where Cash Cows Come From

It seems that in Canada, dairy farmers have figured out how to milk the country's taxpayers rather well.

Dr. David E. Bond, a retired chief economist of HSBC Bank of Canada, tells us an udderly awesome story:

Imagine that you and 13,600 friends have the ability to tax each and every Canadian $70 a year. Your group's members share the revenue and, while the number of members may decline it will never grow. Moreover, there is every prospect that the tax will, for the foreseeable future, rise faster than inflation.

Canada's government sanctioned National Dairy Policy offers just such a deal, and results in a wealth transfer of more than $2.4-billion annually from consumers and food processors to diary farmers. That's more than $175,000 for each dairy farmer.

Because of this policy, consumers pay 60 cents more in Canada than in the United States for a one-litre carton of whole milk and 94 cents more for a pound of butter.

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Image Credit: howtze.com

Should Canadian dairy farmers be permitted to milk the taxpayers for all they're worth?

See results

BOVINE BOOK SHOP

Kiss the Cow!
Kiss the Cow!

For those who hate kissing frog stories but have a fondness for four-legged farmyard folk.

 
Dear Cow, Not Now, I'm Busy!: (and other funny poems)
Dear Cow, Not Now, I'm Busy!: (and other funny poems)

Udderly delightful ditties that will amuse everyone in the family!

 
Purple Cow, New Edition: Transform Your Business by Being Remarkable
Purple Cow, New Edition: Transform Your Business by Being Remarkable

Okay Purple Cow People, listen up...it's time for a moooving make-over!

 

Feedback from the Funny Farm - So, what's your favorite udderly ridiculous story or perhaps the most udderly insane place you've every worked in your life?

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    • profile image

      greenlungsofpoland 5 years ago

      Very funny lens great idea ...

    • profile image

      jimmyworldstar 5 years ago

      Hilarious! I love the condensed milk joke. The one about spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to find if cows belch enough methane to contribute to global warming is more sad than funny though.

    • naturegirl7s profile image

      Yvonne L. B. 6 years ago from Covington, LA

      Funny and blessed by the Angel of Farmyard Animals... soon to be featured on the lens by the same name.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      So much humor - I think I'll be Liking it all.

    • puerdycat lm profile image

      puerdycat lm 6 years ago

      didn't know y'd ask. Was gonna say thanks for, and I love: Opie, you haven't finished your milk. We can't put it back in the cow, you know. -- From The Andy Griffith Show

    • Allison Whitehead profile image

      Allison Whitehead 6 years ago

      Udderly brilliant lens - and that's saying something from someone who gets called 'Moo' as a nickname... :)