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Chainsaw carving a tree trunk, wild woodwork with wood.

Updated on September 17, 2012

Have you ever looked at a knot hole in a tree and wondered....hmmmm..if I were Pinocchio?

Have you ever held a hammer handle (Ladies) and wondered...hmmmm....if he were Pinocchio?

Well folks...it is perfectly natural! Getting a "Woody" has been around since man crept from the sludge and hopped on his first cousin.

If you have a wood fetish, the best way to handle it is to make a mate out of wood.

You'll need these tools:

Chainsaw

Wood chisels

Die grinder

1 & 1/2 inch drill or 1 & 1/2 inch dow rod.

Purchase a six foot tree trunk....outline your mate with a magic marker.....begin chopping out your lusty limbs! Now don't get in a hurry or you could wind up with a hole in a hip or a dow rod in the buttocks.

You'll have to sand all curves and especially certain areas to prevent splinters and grain rash.

Be sure and paint you new wood mate with non toxic paint.

Please don't feel embarrassed about your fetish. Many famous people have one...such as:

Mr Rogers.....WOOD you be mine...won't you be my neighbor?

Kelly Clarkson....Life WOOD suck without you.

Alanis Morrissette....That I WOOD be good.

You just never know when someone uses the word WOULD....they could really mean WOOD! See if they glance at a tree...chair...desk...or wood floor when they use the word? Maybe it's time to come out of the cedar closet?

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    • Tom Cornett profile image
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      Tom Cornett 6 years ago from Ohio

      Springboard...LOL....I bet you wood. :o)

    • Springboard profile image

      Springboard 6 years ago from Wisconsin

      I "wood" comment, but I'd likely get banned. :)

    • Tom Cornett profile image
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      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Cris......Yip...cool song! You might be surprised what you can do. All creativity comes from one place....poetry is the soul of words....... everything is poetry...everything my friend. Thanks...LYM! :)

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 8 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      I love that Alanis song! Now WOOD I lie to you? (Eurithmics) I wish I could be as creative with my hands! Cool hub! LYM :D

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Laughing Mom....LOL.....it is kinda weird huh? :)

    • Laughing Mom profile image

      Laughing Mom 8 years ago

      From 'Deliverance' to Wood Fetish. I'm speechless.

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Deece...yip...cedar chest! :)

    • Deece profile image

      Deece 8 years ago from Piqua, OH

      Soooooo where did you think of this one dad? Did you finally come out of the cedar closet?....lol

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Thanks James...grins! :)

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 8 years ago from Chicago

      Yet again, you amaze me with your talent, Tom.

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 8 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      That's what I was referring to, thank you!! It's like you read my mind!

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Remember the station wagons called "Woodies"?

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 8 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Not tune one, but I've sharpened a lot of chains! what tune do they prefer? I would have to concur with Murphys oil, leaves a lustrous finish! Clean and shiny with a lovely lemon scent!

      We always called those wood paneled Willies "woodies". What a versatile phrase!

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Paper Moon...LOL....OK! :)

      Candie....Ever try to tune a Craftsman? :)

      R. Blue.....try Murphy's Oil....great for woodies! :)

    • R. Blue profile image

      R. Blue 8 years ago from Right here

      I got a woody just readin this....and like Paper Moon...keep that chain saw away from it!!!

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 8 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      "The hills are alive with the sound of muuuusic!" Nah, that's Tom playing with his chainsaw again!

    • Paper Moon profile image

      Paper Moon 8 years ago from In the clouds

      You just keep your chainsaw away from my morning wood!

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      LOL! The perfect woody laugh! Thanks! :)

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Gee, Tom, out here in Kalifornia, a "woody" is a surfboard:-).I've never tried cuz I'm a a feard a splinters! But I shared your hub with my friend here, and this is her reaction:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbxxxsII5DY

    • profile image

      \Brenda Scully 8 years ago

      nice one.....

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Thanks Candie...that would be cool! :)

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 8 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      If you get on SNL, I will totally start the "Tom C" fan club and be it's president, and send out notices when you'll be on Letterman/Leno/Craig Ferguson and it will be so much fun for you!

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Candie....trollup....LOL! Thanks! :)

      ralwus....I'm part Cherokee too...I love carving and working with wood. Thanks! :)

      Thanks Pete...LOL...I have lots of issues.....I'd love to write skits for SNL...would you be my agent? :)

    • Pete Maida profile image

      Pete Maida 8 years ago

      I guess being a sick puppy has its uses. :-) This is funny stuff. I'll say it again, you need to be on a cable version of Saturday Night Live.

    • profile image

      ralwus 8 years ago

      LOL@Candie. Your talents never cease to amaze me T. I love working with wood. I have done many things with it too and some carving. There is just something about working with it and admiring it too. It is a gift to us from the Great Creator who gave it it's own spirit. (my Cherokee blood is spilling forth) Love the pictures, great work

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 8 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      My song has nothing to do with wood "on the day that I was born the angels got together and decided to create a dream come trueeee!..." But Mr.Rogers song comes in second, please carve him with that great little trollup, I mean trolley of his!