ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How to Draw the Most Dreadful Pictures You Have Ever Seen

Updated on April 9, 2012
This is a herd of pencils. Not relevant but what is?!
This is a herd of pencils. Not relevant but what is?!

Picture the scene.

  • You are a cat
  • You are in a maze
  • You turn left
  • You turn left again
  • And again
  • And again
  • Now you turn right
  • Left
  • Right
  • Down
  • Up
  • You have escaped this maze
  • You enter a submarine
  • You are now a sandwich
  • You get eaten
  • You are now a carrot
  • You grow seven arms
  • You escape the maze
  • You are cornered in a nightclub in Vienna by a pink goat
  • You will be charged 12 000 cows if you do not draw a picture of such magnificent awfulness that it will cause all whom bask in its utter dreadfulness to jump into the fiery its of well...a fire...

Well if you happen to find yourself in this exact situation (it will work in no other) and you do not have access to those cows then you have come to the right place!

No, don't be silly! I'm not going to show you how to potato a cook but I will extend my vastly minuscule knowledge upon your pretty little brain.

So what are we waiting for I hear you shout from the rooftops of Kuala Lumpur! Well maybe I want to write a completely irrelevant intro that bears- WAIT! Bears?! Damn those are scary!

Where was I? Oh yes...well why are you stalling?! I wanted to tell you before I even started writing but it's too late now. Well might as well start so let us begin...

This is the Great Pyramid of Giza. No seriously. I'm not even joking this time! There is actually a fact on this page! I'm not sure I approve...I feel light headed...
This is the Great Pyramid of Giza. No seriously. I'm not even joking this time! There is actually a fact on this page! I'm not sure I approve...I feel light headed...

The Beginning

To draw with such repulsiveness do this you require these seven objects:

  1. Access to the Great Pyramid of Giza [Optional]
  2. Water from the Fountain of Youth [Optional]
  3. A method of drawing [For my examples I will be using the trusty Microsoft Paint]
  4. A subject [Such as maths or science]
  5. A subject [Such as a bowl of fruit or a fried egg]
  6. Some more water from the fountain of youth [Again optional]
  7. Fire to destroy your creation before anyone may look upon it.

If you have these seven items then we may continue. If not then accept your failure as inevitable and blame it on someone else to make you feel better.

The Middle Bit

This is where you actually start to draw.

I will have to demonstrate of course and so will have to choose a subject. I choose a panda because who are you to tell me what I can and cannot draw!?

You, of course, may choose whatever you want to draw. Not a panda though. If you draw a panda I will sue you. Panda-bear that in mind. [See what I did there?!]

Anyway now that you have chosen your subject you must start by drawing a simple outline.

You may now follow on by adding eyebrows. [These make whatever you are drawing come together]

For the eyes make them look like they are judging you from afar. I drew eyes that seem to reflect the dark soul of the panda. There is a lot of emotion in these eyes reflecting upon a life of hardship and pain.

A hat.

One word. Awesome glasses. Well that was two...actually by the end of me writing this it will come to twenty four excluding the first two.

Lots of hair.

Bellybutton.

Finish off the face.

Minor details.

This is a cat. It isn't relevant to the subject but it's a cat so who cares?
This is a cat. It isn't relevant to the subject but it's a cat so who cares?

The End

And so there you go, if you follow these instructions you will be able to draw a picture of such stupendous atrocity that you will be loathed by everyone who gazes upon it.

Your life will be scarred forever and you will never have the social skills to enable you to partake in a committed relationship as you will always think back to the picture you drew that caused societies to collapse and wars to occur.

So have a nice life...

Stnemmoc

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • mopuri  obulesu profile image

      mopuri obulesu 

      6 years ago

      like this

    • SirHammm profile imageAUTHOR

      SirHammm 

      6 years ago from United Kingdom

      Thanks :D

    • K Kiss profile image

      K Kiss 

      6 years ago from Newcastle upon Tyne, UK

      oh my God this is quite funny, especially the list hahah

    • SirHammm profile imageAUTHOR

      SirHammm 

      6 years ago from United Kingdom

      Why thank you :3

    • profile image

      painterpyro 

      6 years ago

      lol cute and kind of funny.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)