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Chainsaw Carving a Bear and how I carve.

Updated on March 21, 2013

Yes...I did it! I never even gave it a hug! It looked half dead anyway with many limbs broken off from a storm. I took my trusty chain saw and attacked the tree with vicious orgasmic swipes! As the massive trunk fell, I envisioned hippies jumping off the limbs and calling me a killer!

I raised my chainsaw in the air and shouted,"Victorious....Oh brothers of steel!" Then I had lunch....egg salad and chips....while sitting on my kill. I began to ponder my act of environmental abuse. I became guilt ridden as I munched on the last of my Pringles chips.

My soul cried out to be redeemed as I finished my Pepsi. That's it ....I shouted with glee...I will carve this tree into a monumental piece of art. I shall carve a Bear! I felt my guilt leave as I dropped my Pepsi can into a rabbit hole.

I went and got some more tools....an air grinder....12 inch Craftsman trusty little chain saw...wood files....wood carving tools....hatchet....hammers, etc.

I cut the main outline of the bear with the big chainsaw and went to work on the details with the little saw. The more I carved...the more I felt redemption!

When I finished carving, I sealed the wood with a mixture of half shellac and half mineral spirits. Then I painted my bear.

I stood back and shouted behold......Shaquille O'Neal? Shit....my bear looks like Shaq! I started laughing and wondering if I should put a Sun's jersey on the bear.

Maybe next time....I'll carve Shaq and it will look more like a bear?

Shaq bear and Spud

The little bear is Spud Webb.
The little bear is Spud Webb.
See...same grin.
See...same grin.

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    • Tom Cornett profile image
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      Tom Cornett 5 years ago from Ohio

      Thanks Jacob....your dad is an awesome carver...thanks for the link. :o)

    • profile image

      jacob 5 years ago

      Hey man, thats a great start for carving im 18 and I handle my dads website he does carving as a hobby, I also do some. check out his website if you got the time: http://www.rantandrave.ca/wpd/

    • Tom Cornett profile image
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      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Ixxy...grins...I love Yogi and BooBoo...thanks! :)

    • lxxy profile image

      lxxy 8 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

      Light him on fire and see if he complains!

      I can actually do a very good yogie impression..perhaps I shall drop it into the next broadcast..

      "Heeeeeeeey boo boo, I smeeeell a pic-a-nic baaasket!" ;)

      Great wood work. I'm sure they tree doesn't mind one bit...

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Deece.....staples again! :)

    • Deece profile image

      Deece 8 years ago from Piqua, OH

      So thats how you make a bear.(Leia-what do ya think they did.....mate?)....lol

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Thanks James...I love causing grins! :)

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 8 years ago from Chicago

      Oh Man!  I love this story; but the pic of the bear with little Spud?!  Now that's too much. 

      You have a great sense of humor, friend.  I always feel better—and I'm grinnin'—after visiting one of your pages.

    • Tom Cornett profile image
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      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Thanks Pachuca213....yip...big bear is my work. I didn't do the little bear tho...got it at a craft store.

    • profile image

      Pachuca213 8 years ago

      I loved it! Did you really do it? Wonderful! I love wood carvings...

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Thanks Janetta...it has Shaq's grin. :)

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      Janetta 8 years ago

      well, maybe it does look like Shaq a little bit...but either way it's still cool! Nice job :)

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Thanks GW....rabbit got the can. :)

      Candie...big butt bears LOL! I use Craftsman because when I get a new one..it smells like sweet and sour chicken....Craftsman is funny too...like hahahahaha he used a Craftsman! Grins! :)

      ralwus....LOl....yip Craftsman sucks but I like buying new tools...I've had shitloads of them! :)

      Pete...LOL...thanks...I accept! :)

      Candie...I'll drink to that! :)

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 8 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      I second the nomination and raise you a bottle of beer!

    • Pete Maida profile image

      Pete Maida 8 years ago

      Always entertaining. I nominate you the Keeper of the Laugh for HubPages.

    • profile image

      ralwus 8 years ago

      Ha T, that's really impressive. Oh, and listen to Candie, she evidently knows her shit 'cause I know she is correct on these things. Crafstman sucks except for wrenches and a few other things. He does look like the "man". He don't need no butt, only a wee tail. LOL

      You must always address a tree and ask its permission and thank it's spirit before the killing of it and then you will be blessed by the Earth Spirit, the Great Spirit.

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 8 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      First of all, brother, your bear has no butt. Please whittle him a little ass enhancer. Second, I'm proud of you for not carving it into a bear-toilet paper holder.  Have you ever seen NW chainsaw art. Lots of bear-toilet paper holders. Three, "Craftsman"?? I understand their tools have a lifetime warrenty, but heck, if you're gonna make a tree-killing-er statement you need to be using a Stihl. All great loggers use Stihl, except for the rogue ones using Husqvarna.. Say it with me "Stihl totally rocks!!".  Great! You are so awesome..sitting on your kill. (My ex was a logger for ever/several generations prior, too) so I get the thrill of the kill!  For me, there are few things that smell better than freshly mown lawn and freshly cut trees. (sorry to the huggers in your hubs).  Love ya lots!! (Bubbles)

    • Gypsy Willow profile image

      Gypsy Willow 8 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

      I hope you reached down into the rabbit hole and retrieved the can for proper recycling! I know just how you feel. We have an ash tree in the front garden that has caught a dire disease and we lopped a huge branch off it for safety. It is standing in 3 pieces waiting to be carved into the three bears. You ae an inspiration. Well done

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Paper Moon....LOL.....I think I lost it in that stupid rabbit hole! :)

    • Paper Moon profile image

      Paper Moon 8 years ago from In the clouds

      I hope you had your American flag lapel pin on as you slaughtered the poor wood nymph.

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Yip....Spud was cool! :)

    • R. Blue profile image

      R. Blue 8 years ago from Right here

      I remember Spud Webb....he played here in North Carolina at NC State....was awesome for about 5'7" I think......and could dunk.

    • Tom Cornett profile image
      Author

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      Thanks Ivorwen...big smiles back! :)

    • Ivorwen profile image

      Ivorwen 8 years ago from Hither and Yonder

      I like your bear, and love the catchy title. Big smiles.