10 "Fatal" Things to Never Say to a Police Officer
Well look at you
breezing down the interstate with a huge grin on your face. Your hair styled and gelled. You are "in the zone." Things at work and in your love life went your way today. What a day you've had. A day that would make a great screenplay for Disney's Dream Works pictures. You are on your way home from a lavish celebration at your super-model-type girlfriend's apartment where you were the guest of honor for being the "Top Salesman" for the fifth year in a row at your used car lot where business is booming thanks to you and those perfect teeth you have.
Ahh yeah. Life is pretty good. No worries. And you even broke your own rule in sipping some vintage "bubbly," well in all honesty, you drank about five glasses of "bubbly" with your old college frat buddy, "Todd," who was also at this party because he works for you at your used car lot. What a swell guy you are. What a swelled head you have thanks to all of the sudden-success you have. But, friend. You earned it. Smooth sailing for you from here on out.
Well, you're in for it now, friend.
or so it seemed
Uh, oh, you say to yourself while smiling at yourself in your rear view mirror. What's this, a blue light flashing? you also think to yourself. Just what poor sap is this policeman after? Couldn't in a hundred years be "me" you muse.
But oh my friend, what a deceptive haze a dose of self-importance breeds. You think because you are good-looking, have great hair, teeth, money in the bank, a super-model-type girlfriend and now with the award for "Top Saleman," for the fifth year, you are immune to the law. Getting pulled-over is for low-lifes, losers and low-achievers you think to yourself as the police car gets closer and closer to your rear bumper. It is you he is after. The policeman has to be mistaken. You are not a lawbreaker. You come from a good family. And graduated summa cum laude from Princeton University. You are a "blue blood," for decency's sake.
Mr. Policeman and his friends
The moment of truth
has arrived. "You," are the one who is being pulled-over. In the next five to ten minutes, the very words that come from your lips are very important. Your words you say to this hard-working police officer can either give you the freedom you love, send you to a cold, smelly jail cell, or just get a simple traffic ticket, and hey, with the dough you make, you can pay the ticket with the "chicken feed" in the pocket of your corduroy pants.
MY ADVICE TO YOU NOW, "MR. SUCCESS," IS TO NOT SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. AND DO NOT LET YOUR EMOTIONS LET YOUR MOUTH LEAD THE POLICE OFFICER TO THINK YOU ARE A JACKASS.
Mr. Policeman's grandfather is shown
Any one of these lawbreakers, (except the hot chicks), could be you
Never say ANY of These
"Ten Fatal Things
You Never Say
To A Police Officer"
1.) "Officer, do you smell liquor on my breath?"
2.) "Hold it, officer, while I put my handgun under the seat."
3.) "That white powder in the floor board is from some Dunkin Donuts I had earlier."
4.) "Do you know a girl named, "Fast Sally?"
5.) "Your radar is wrong, man. I know I was "clocking" 75, but you say I was doing 60."
6.) "Officer, do you really think that bribes are illegal?"
7.) "How is your pretty wife?"
8.) "My license? Oh shucks! Left them at that wild "Alochol Drinking Contest" last night."
9.) "Insurance? On this heap? " "You're serious aren't you?"
10.) "Officer, you look just like Eric Estrada who played "Ponch," on C.H.I.P.s"
And although these things in this list may appear humorous, I highly-suggest that if you have any common sense, judgement or awareness of your surroundings, do not say anything even closely-related to these 10 things I have listed for your protection.
I know. I will sound corny, uncool, and not-hip, and could be kicked "out of the social loop" by saying this to you: "Always try your best to obey all traffic and civil laws when you are at home or away."
The police, contrary to negtative press, are not Hitler's Storm Troopers. They are men and women with lots of precision training that will enable them to help you if you are a victim of a hedious crime or if you are accused of a crime.
Just tell the whole truth to the police officer who questions you about whatever problem he or she is trying to solve. Police are human beings just like you. Fallible, imperfect and they occasionally make a mistake. And through the legal channels available for you, the offending officer will be dealt with by his Internal Affairs Department. It's safe to say that "the police police themselves" to keep you and me, and the rest of America free and happy to be in the United States.
And please, I beg you, DO NOT try to be funny, cute or entertaining when a policeman "blue light's" you. They are not in the mood.
Besides, they've all seen your corny act before.