GM Will Rise From Bankruptcy As... Good Munchin'
It seems inevitable that General Motors is going to enter bankruptcy or some other form of massive, government mandated restructuring and arise as an entire new company. However, is it in the company's and the country's best interests that GM continue as an automotive manufacturer? We should not just blindly assume that General Motors needs to continue business as a hobbled, wounded carmaker! Why not examine new and more profitable horizons? The corporation's nationwide dealer network could be easily converted to a new business that is guaranteed to make big profits: fast food restaurants!
GM is in a position to develop a unique and tasty blend of traditional American Diner fare derived from its long and distinguished heritage as the builders of the cars that made Drive-In Restaurants a Golden Age staple! Why waste all your resources paying assembly line bozos $75 an hour to build cars Americans don't want when you can pay minimum wage bozos $7.50 an hour to make food Americans do want?
Here is the proposed menu of the new Good Munchin' Restaurant chain:
A 100% Prime Montana ground beef patty topped with Bacon The Books, adorned with fresh Red Ink Tomato, crisp Don't Lettuce Fail, dill garlic In A Real Pickle, and a thick, delicious slab of ripe Haas Aveocado. Offered with your choice of condiments including Playing Ketchup, Green Hybrid Relish and Chevpotle, on a fresh CarAway seed bun.
Chunks of seasoned hung CEO, grilled over the coals, quick fired, then well compensated, and simmered with Yukon potatoes, 24 Carrot Escalades, Hearty Bean Counter, and plenty of Political Spin-ach in a full-flavored, nose-challenging brown sauce.
We're In Denali Seafood Chowder
Big pieces of juicy Prawntiacs, Clamaros, Stingrays, Impalobsters, and Musselcars fresh from the Riviera, sauteed with We Artichoked, Sunchoke, and Choke Cherry, then stewed in a rich, creamy Regal broth seasoned with Give Us More Thyme, with a savory, buttery Saturnover for dipping.
Screaming Chicken Firebird
Juicy slices of chicken stuffed with BrougHam and Detroit Blues Cheese, Express fried in our extra hot Chapter 11 secret spices with an extra pinch of Porsche Cayenne Envy, and served on Sourgrapes bread slathered with light Malibuyonnaise and a fresh We're Sorrel salad on the side.
A thick Junk Grade Limousin steak, zinged with Horsepowerradish, on a hearty LaCrossty bun with a Rocket 88 side salad topped with shredded We Leek Profits and Cashew Save.
Chevy Vegan Low Carb-urator Platter
A healthy garden salad platter of crisp Taxi Cabbage, Squash Prospects, Beet Us Up, We Can't Celery, topped with Sunfire Seeds and a DeVilled Egg, and drizzled with Catalina dressing. Served with refreshing V8 juice in a crystal Coupe.
A flaky phyllo pastry filled with dried Eldoberries, Raisin Funds, Sunfire Seeds, and Obamas Nuts, dusted with Cimarron, and topped with an Avalanche of frosty Plain Vanilla Sedan Ice Cream.
So, what about it, America? You certainly don't find General Motors' automotive lineup tasty, but Good Munchin's food menu certainly is! I know that although I wouldn't walk into a General Motors dealership on a bet, I'd certainly line up for some of this delicious fare! If I've got to pay a whole whack of taxes to bail out GM, at least this way I can get a full gut, instead of getting it in the butt!