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Top 10 Ways to Tell If Someone is Drunk

Updated on January 12, 2018
Woody Marx profile image

This is an amusing list of ways to spot an individual who has had 'one too many' .

In my opinion the only thing worse than a drunk is having to watch another re-run of Friends, so it's a handy thing to be able to spot a drunk from 100 paces and avoid them.

A drunk driver, or a drunk walker, or even a drunk sitter--they are all the same. Drunk.

Driving drunk is perhaps the worst, but they are all equally irritating.

Here are some of the signs to look for if you need to know how to tell if someone is drunk.

W.C. Fields was known for never being not-drunk
W.C. Fields was known for never being not-drunk

1. You ask them how much they have had to drink tonight and they answer: 'in litres or gallons?'

2. You look into their eyes and instead of being milky white, they are filled with more red veins than there are canals on Mars.

3. You ask them to 'please step out of the car' and they decide to exit through the sun-roof.

4. The only way they can come close to touching their index finger to the tip of their nose is by first putting on an oven mitt.

5.When you ask them to walk a 'straight line' the line they walk is better described as a multi-sided hexagonal in hyperspace.

6. The lids of their eyes blink a-syncronously.

7. You ask them 'who is the President of the United States?' and they answer: 'which United States?'

8. When you request them to please blow into the breathalizer, they say 'sure!' and stick it in their ear.

9. You can smell the alcohol on their breath from the next time-zone.

10. When you instruct them to 'please get into the police cruiser' they ask 'can my pink elephant ride shot-gun ?'

Don't Drink Too Much or this Could be YOU

© 2011 Woody Marx


Submit a Comment
  • Woody Marx profile imageAUTHOR

    Woody Marx 

    9 years ago from Ontario, Canada

    Shin: I know. You are famous in Scotland for it I hear! ;)

  • Shinkicker profile image


    9 years ago from Scotland

    "a multi-sided hexagonal in hyperspace" I've managed that spacewalk before. LOL

    Great Hub

  • Woody Marx profile imageAUTHOR

    Woody Marx 

    9 years ago from Ontario, Canada

    Feline: well no, but I had to put in something for #10 ! ;)

  • profile image

    Feline Prophet 

    9 years ago've seen a drunk with a pink elephant?!! :D


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