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More Cowbell for your Porsche 911
You're the proud owner of a sleek, sexy, high-performance Porsche 911. You love it, but you've been bitten by the mod-bug and want to make it even better. How do you improve upon a timeless, elegant design with such a rich history? Simple - add more cowbell. This article will explain the steps required to add more cowbell to your 996.
Preparation is the key. Before we proceed with the modification, let's go over some basic safety rules.
- Industrial lasers and particle accelerators can be dangerous if not used as intended. Please read all of the safety regulations and understand your local statutes before powering-up these devices.
- Frunk monkeys should be handled with care.
- In the rare event of an electrocution lasting more than four hours, please seek medical attention.
Release the Frunk Monkey
If your 996 was equipped with a factory installed Frunk Monkey(tm) (optional on MK1's, standard on MK2's) you will need to release it before accessing the cowbell actuator module, which is located behind the Brake Reservoir cover in the Frunk.
Gently press the Frunk Monkey (tm) release button and wait for the Frunk Monkey (tm) to climb out. If nothing happens, wait two minutes before pressing the button again. You don't want a pissed-off monkey standing behind you while you have your head in the frunk. (Ask me how I know).
With the Frunk Monkey (tm) out of the way, we can safely proceed with the removal of the side liners and reservoir cover.
Access the Cowbell Module
Remove the Brake Reservoir, and anything else that doesn't looks like a Cowbell Module. Once the CM has been uncovered, unwrap the wire bundle and isolate the off-white wire with the eggshell stripes. Make sure you don't have the eggshell wire with the off-white stripes, or the pearl wire with the ivory stripes.
Once you have identified the correct wire, strip off 2 cm of wire insulation using the industrial laser, a particle accelerator, or a paring knife. Splice a 22 awg wire that is half the length of two times the width of the Frunk Monkey's (tm) last bowel movement, times 27. Attach the other end of the wire to the butt dyno located under the driver's seat. This will differ depending on if the car is Left-hand Drive or Right-hand Drive.
Buttoning it Up
Install a Bluetooth(tm) module in the Butt Dyno. Pop-out a dummy button from your console and replace it with the Bluetooth-enabled "More Cowbell" button. I got mine on Ebay for just under $600. Make sure to properly sync your button to the Butt Dyno. Reassemble everything you removed from the frunk, discarding anything that doesn't look familiar. Locate and reinstall the Frunk Monkey (tm).
Congratulations - your Porsche now has more Cowbell!