No, I'm Not Obsessed With Death, I'm Obsessed With My 1989 Baby Blue Vintage Cadillac Hearse
My Big Blue Baby Cadillac
Yeah, I've always wanted to own a hearse. Last year, my dream finally came true, and I became the proud owner of a blue, 1989 Cadillac hearse. I love this car more than I even thought I would. Since owning one, though, I have found that there are two kinds of people.
There are people who absolutely love it and wish they could own one, too. The other people are absolutely terrified of it and wish I would just drive away.
I once had a lady come up to me at Wal-Mart, completely horrified that I would be driving a hearse of all things. How offensive! How disrespectful!
But is, after all, just a car. And for all the people who ask about the ghosts in the back? Why would spirits haunt a car they only rode in after they were dead, and they only rode in it that one time!
Ladies, I am tellin' ya! If you ever considered buying a car to attract men, buy a hearse. My friend's mom thought owning a motorcycle would be a guy magnet. Yeah, whatever. Strangers feel comfortable talking to me anyway, but my beauty makes people cross entire parking lots to get a closer look. And they usually have to cross the whole lot, because at 23 feet long, it's tough to squeeze into even a couple of those wimpy compact spaces. At least people are understanding; I never wind up on those lists of people who park like jerks.
Although, I think there's some kind of special magnet in this car because no matter how many parking spaces I have to take up, no matter how far out I park, there is always someone who parks right next to me. I know, I know. It's a beautiful car and they just can't resist basking in its greatness.
Besides the ridiculous length of it, I have had a few other problems. It must have been in a damp climate for most of its life, because there is a lot of rust (apparently this is common with other Caddy hearses), and it leaks a bit here and there. Last October, the whole exhaust system broke off the bottom of the car.
Luckily, I have a friend who's a mechanic and he was able to get it ready in time for Halloween. The day was saved!
Candy Paint, Two-Seater
Yup, I have the white walls. And it's like driving a couch, the bench seat is that comfortable.
It's happiest when I wash it a lot and don't drive it very far. Last year, I took it on a short road trip and lost one of the tires. It was a retread and the outside peeled off when I was going about 60 mph on the interstate. Thank goodness it's so big; even with a blown tire, I didn't lose control of the car.
I can also get a boatload of kids in the back, but it needs to be a cold day. I think I could slow roast a turkey back there on a hot day.
It's been a great car and I hope I'll be able to drive it for many years to come. I would recommend a hearse to anyone, but they live up to their finicky reputations. Make sure you know how to do basic maintenance or you have a friend who can do it on the cheap. Otherwise, you'll be making your local mechanic very rich!