Please Stop Driving From The Passenger Seat!
Sure is a beautiful day for a drive isn't it dear?
Um...can you just let me drive?
We're all probably familiar with the term "backseat driver" but that is not my problem. I happen to have a problem with the passenger riding shotgun that doesn't have a steering wheel in front of them but seems to think they do.
The backseat in my car is either empty or has a couple of kids in it. I didn’t get to be the parent of a 12 year old boy and 8 year old girl without learning how to tune them out. Usually some food, an electronic device or the threat of driving off the nearest bridge keeps the backseat quiet.
That passenger next to me on the other hand, often makes me want to drive off the nearest bridge.
If you're not driving; don't drive!
Okay buddy, it's my turn; I'm the one behind the steering wheel, which means that I am responsible for your life for however long it takes us to get from point A to point B. So, I don’t recommend yelling, scaring me, making me cry or making me angry or you could be risking your own life. If I am driving then we can assume that I am a licensed driver and am legally operating a registered and insured vehicle. Despite the jokes made over the years, I really don’t think you can get a license from a box of cereal so we can assume that I somehow earned mine. I will also inform you that I have roughly 15 years of driving experience and have never taken a life on the road nor caused a bruise to a pedestrian, passenger or driver.
Lines, Limits and Red
Yes there is a white line to my right and yellow lines to my left, guess what; I see them. As long as I stay between them it doesn't matter which side I hug. You screaming "Are you going to stay on your own side of the fahkin road?" only confuses me because yes, I am going to stay on my own side of the road, that is where I've been all along. I really don't see where you are going with this.
Speed limits; limits are like boundaries. I aim to travel "around" the speed limit, but the more you yell and scream the faster I'm going to want to get out of the car. If you want me to slow down then help me enjoy the ride.
The roads are snow-covered, with ice beneath them and the visibility is horrible...Now I'm going to slow? See, too fast too slow, I'm beginning to think you just like to gripe.
Red, yes I know, Barney says "Green means go, Yellow means slow and Red means stop, stop, stop". Do you really think that I have no intentions on stopping for the Red Light, do you really think that I plan to blow through the Stop Sign? I will stop for red, I promise you, so let it be on my time, not yours. If I'm not mistaken you don't have a brake pedal on your side of the car so let me handle this.
You're just confusing me!
I have never asked for a GPS as a present and I've never shopped for them in stores. I already know where I'm going and if I don't, well the journey getting there is fun. Unfortunately, I have a portable GPS that comes with every car I buy and unlike a GPS you can't shut mine off. "Turn here, take a left, stop ahead"...really? Would you like me to close my eyes and really see how good we work together? Trust me, I don't need you to instruct me on every turn to get back to my house, I live there, I've traveled these streets a time or two.
Right here, here's one, did you hear me? I said here's one!
When you drive you can pick.
Guess what, if I'm driving then I get to pick the parking spots. There is no need to yell because you think your parking space is better than mine. The good news is we're here and we're alive and now we can both get out of the car.
If you're riding passenger, just enjoy the ride and let the driver drive. Enjoy the scenery, maybe the radio and some healthy conversation. If you do so you are protecting your own life and may get the same respect in return the next time you are actually behind the wheel.