Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Supermotards
1) Yamaha MT-03 - Here it is, folks! The bike that put 'Tard in Supermotard. The sheer ugliness of this abortion on wheels challenges even my considerable vocabulary. There isn't a single part on this entire motorcycle that doesn't deserve to be in a scrap heap, or looks like it just came from one. This is the bike that Tony Stark would have built in the Afghan Cave if he didn't have enough sheet metal to cobble together the Iron Man suit. What the hell was Yamaha thinking?
2) KTM 690 LC4 - This original member of the Top 10 Ugliest List has dropped down a notch. Not because time has made it look any less repugnant, but because even its Halloween colors, Kindergarten graphics, teakettle exhaust pipe, faux motocross seat stretching almost to the triple clamp, and the Spy Vs. Spy proboscis nose thing, can't quite compare to revulsion caused by the number one bike on this list.
3) Yamaha Scorpio - I'm embarrassed to state that the ancestor of this monstrous creation was my own very beloved and profoundly missed Yamaha XT500. The Scorpio is an XT500 that has been exposed to massive radiation and mutated. The Persian Cat Nose headlight and microfairing, the buzzsaw front disk brake, the upswept, guaranteed to sear your thighs exhaust, the tilted crunch your family jewels seat, the overwide rad shroud, the tank stolen from an old Moto Guzzi Nevada... I could just go on and on...
4) KTM Duke - I thought that KTM was an Austrian motorcycle manufacturer! What are they doing selling origami? The KTM Duke is truly one of the most misshapen, ridiculous, atomic-wedgy design ever dreamed up under the influence of serious hallucinogens. And if the styling wasn't vomit-inducing enough, they painted it with that black and white pattern to emphasize the horrific angles in case you missed them at first look. KTM's stylists need a visit from another famous Austrian: The Terminator!
5) Aprilia SMV - Weren't Italians supposed to be able to design beautiful vehicles? What about the Ferrari Daytona? How could they foist on the motorcycling world this two wheeled stupidity? The bottom of the frame looks like it was made of melted caramel, it adheres firmly to the proboscis leading to the radiator shroud school of design, and don't even get me started on that matte black front wheel saddle fender. Aprilia, you have shamed all of Italy with this one!
6) Suzuki DR-Z - Just when it seemed that Suzuki was going to stick with a more or less "conventional" styling for their Supermotard, they ended up painting it in the most atrocious combination of lemon granita yellow and about seven dozen shades of blue. To make things worse, they forgot to paint the side covers (even in yellow... anything at all...), and the fork legs look like copper spatulas that have been dipped in custard! Who would want to be caught dead on this yellow monster? Not me, thanks!
7) Husqvarna 610THE - OK, so let's see if I get this straight. The idea of supermotard is to emulate motocross styling but fitted with racing style street tires, right? What for? In order to jump sidewalks and run over pedestrians? Supermotard is for Superretards, and there are few better ways of illustrating that point than this wedgy, angular, misfitting aberration.
8) Aprilia SXV - At least Husky tried the somewhat trendy street-y Joseph Coat Of Many Colors style on their miserable excuse for a Supermotard, but Aprilia didn't even show that restraint and went with a full out Supercross graphics job that graduates a really ugly bike absolutely into repulsive territory.
9) Suzuki DRBIG - This appalling mixed up thing from hell featured a proboscis that would have made a KTM 690 LC4 proud with a mini popped up windscreen that does nothing except make the bike look even goofier. What's the point of having an upswept exhaust pipe when you have street tires and a tight fitting front fender?
10) Kawasaki KLR 650 - Anyone who designs a motorcycle with a brown saddle and then mixes it with white and green semi-camo paintjob and then proceeds to slather that mess atop a peaked "morning wood under the sheets" tank and a completely useless minifairing deserves to be raking latrines for a living. Most of the KLR variants were just about as butt ugly as this model, and let's not forget the hideous Tengai!
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