ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Top 3 Yamuglies: Yamaha Star 950

Updated on May 7, 2009

I continue my review of the Top 3 Ugliest Yamahas (given that the Raider and VMX17 are already in the Hall of Ugly Fame) with the Star 950.

 I honestly don't know from which lunatic asylum Yamaha has been recruiting its designers lately, but even when crafting a fairly staid, middle of the road cruiser such as the new Star 950, they are falling into such hideous styling traps that you wonder if the Japanese motorcycle manufacturer is actually playing a joke on the world.

Actually it wouldn't be much of a joke since Yamaha's sales are down 43.4% from last year, the biggest dropoff ever. All of the Japanese manufacturers sales are down, with Honda and Kawasaki at almost 70% off last year's pace. But when they insist on foisting motorcycles this ugly on the unsuspecting public can you blame riders for not buying this junk?

Let's start at the gaping hole large enough to fit an arm through that flabbily flops off behind the triple clamp. If the idea was to mimic an old Sportster with a Peanut Tank, this attempt has miserably failed, as all it does is make the entire top front part of the frame look willowy and fragile. The enormous, drooping chrome tank topper looks like it belongs on a Boss Hoss as it's ridiculously oversized for this size of motorcycle. Of course, Yammy couldn't leave well enough alone, so they match it with a chrome side decoration that looks like it escaped from a Ford Edsel. Not ugly enough for you? How about some ersatz flame pinstriping? This is truly a nightmare from motorcycling hell.

I have always despised Yamaha's tendency to hide their otherwise sexy V-twin cylinders with moronically gargantuan triangular air cleaners, and the Star 950 does not break this horrifying trend. But by far the biggest single offender on the entire motorcycle is that absolutely laughable headlight that looks like it has been sitting on the shelf since the last 1969 XS 650 rolled off the assembly line. Could they have made it any uglier... er... well, it is Yamaha, after all.

 Aaaaaaarrrggghhhhh! What in the name of the God of Cantilever is this huge disaster on the left side of the Star 950? This humongous black assembly looks more like something that belongs on a grizzly bear paw trap than anything that should be on a modern motorcycle! Everything about the design absolutely screams Conibear, Foothold, or Body Gripping metal trap. Unless you're off to the Northwest Territories to go bag yourself some prize bear meat, you'd better be aware that if you cruise your local high school on this monstrosity, most of the kids will throw rotten tomatoes at you.

There is absolutely no good reason on this green Earth as to why that hilariously curved matte black I beam has to stretch from just under the seat to the bottom horizontal frame member unless to add to the overall look of a circa 1890 wild animal trap. And please don't get me started on that idiotically undersized squished in sidecover with the crooked Star logo, or that pseudo Wankel round rear crankcase cover with wings that make it look like someone went crazy with the chrome dip on Paul Bunyan's personal set of pliers.

Yamaha has proved once again that they could screw up the design of a paper clip. The Star 950 makes every aesthetic mistake in the book under the guise of "modern styling". No wonder they can't give these steaming piles away.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Freaking awesome bike, beautiful, stylish, great bike.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Wow you do a good job at making opinion almost factual but whatever. I have the touring version and the bike and it rides so well that after test riding the other bikes in it's size price and displacement I didn't even consider any of them but every one is different.

    • Hal Licino profile imageAUTHOR

      Hal Licino 

      9 years ago from Toronto

      I usually delete non-family friendly terms, including those referring to genital hygiene products, but since it so brilliantly applies to you, I think I'll let it stand. You're not only an applicator filled with vinegar and water, but you also can't read where I've stated repeatedly in my Hubs that I've owned more Yamahas than you have pennies in your piggy bank and loved each one. Now stop spamming my Hubs by placing identical comments on them all or I'll ban your IP and then your comments will forever disappear into the electronic ether. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. I wonder if you ever had one to start with! :)

    • profile image

      Tommy Blue Raider 

      9 years ago

      Hal, you're a flaming douche bag who's getting paid by a competitor to bash Yamaha. Keep it up.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)