ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Boy Racers of Ireland

Updated on October 15, 2011

The Boy-Racer.

One of the scourges to hit the UK and Ireland in recent years is that of the 'Boy-Racer'. A Boy-Racer is a particularly low form of life that has a very small brain and is therefore incapable of rational thought. The Boy-Racer could be considered to have an intellectual capacity just one notch above an amoeba.

The Boy-Racer (known in the USA as a rice-burner so I'm told) is typically a 17-25 year old male. There are some females similarly affected but they are far fewer in number. These tragic people are under the illusion that they can purchase an old banger of a car, do a few cosmetic modifications and turn it into a veritable babe-magnet.

The afflicted are often found driving aimlessly around town in a rust-bucket that has been resprayed to make it look like a high performance car. Red and yellow are often the favoured colours. These cars can be identified by the 'go-faster' stripes that are added to the side panels, a rear spoiler, blacked-out windows and an exhaust pipe large enough to shoot cannon balls from. The point of all these extras is a futile attempt to give humans the impression that they are driving a desirable high performance vehicle.

To add further gravitas to their illusion, they adopt a particular set of behavioural rules. It is compulsory for the Boy-Racer to have a sound system installed that often has more power than the car itself. Monotonous beats can be heard from two miles away, emanating from the always open windows on which the elbow is casually draped. Whilst there is a risk that the sound system could inadvertently produce 'Brown-noise' for the occupants, it does serve as a useful warning to humans that one of these creatures is approaching.

The Boy-Racer itself is usually a very underweight, scrawny youth who is somewhat vertically challenged. Lack of height is not helped by the fact that the driver's seat is usually set low and reclined. This gives the impression of driving behind a driverless car save only for the glimpse of a spotty neck visible under the head restraint. It is unusual to find a single occupant of one of these vehicles, instead they tend to drive around in packs. They usually sport an inane grin and cover their skin head skulls with a baseball cap in order to make their skulls look capable of containing a brain.

Boy-Racers are sometimes rather illusive due to the fact that most of them are incapable of work and therefore have very little money to buy petrol for their machines. They can often be found 'hanging and chilling' in supermarket car parks. Often the only sign that have been on the road at all are the tell-tale black tyre marks left on the road as they spin the car in ever decreasing circles; a manoeuvre they call 'doing doughnuts'.

There appears to be no cure for these unfortunately deluded creatures, although most do grow out of it by the age of 26 providing they are not in prison or dead. Raising awareness and education seem to have little effect on their behaviour, so traps are the only way to control them. The police are quite effective at setting these traps. As the cars are not actually capable of speeding, they have to rely on spot vehicle checks to catch them. This usually takes them out of circulation for a short time.

Next time you spot one of these creations, stop and examine it closely. Wonder at the ability of these creatures to survive. They will of course be under the impression that you are admiring their car but humans know the truth!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)