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five tips for road rage from a spy!

Updated on July 17, 2011



Where is my weapons van!

Many people nowadays encounter road rage. I am talking that red in the face, blood curling screams of things that your mother would disown you over. People get it in all shapes and forms: yelling, hand gestures, erratic car movements and other such things. Many times it pours over into the street or if both parties are heading towards the same place. This is meant as another comical piece of mine. Every spy comes well prepared for handling road rage or those trying to cause one harm. Whether you have gotten your vehicle from Q. or another techie mechanic, it should contain several features. Behold my Five Tips for Road Rage!

Machine Guns:

Every self respecting spy has at least twin mounted machine guns installed on their car. It may be hidden and pop up by hydraulics when needed. They have even been seen behind the headlights concealed. These are a staple and well worth it from having to cope with those trying to push you off the road to escaping from a warehouse. All in all, these are an absolute necessity for any self respecting spy that is worth their oats.

Oil Slick:

This is the one that is definitely needed next. Have a few vehicles trailing you? Are bullets spraying across your reinforced shielding that encompasses your modern vehicle? Well this is an old favorite so that whatever is behind you loses control and cannot decide which way they will go. This is known to be used on curving roads that have very little reinforced guard rails. This can make the difference between fast vehicles taking you out and getting away to break that unbreakable code.

Smoke Screen:

Ahh, another favorite. The smoke screen that release a heavy screen of smoke that permeates the air around whoever is behind you. Unlike the oil slick, with smokescreen, a driver cannot see what direction they are going, what is in front of them, or where you are. This can be used with other combos for getaways. Releasing it just before an intersection can mean the chance to get away without your enemies seeing which way you had gone. This is a great tool in espionage!

Pushing off the road:

Sometimes there are vehicles with spikes or drills trying to gnash at your tires.  What can a spy do in this type of situation?  Get on the side without the drills and force them off the road!  It would be far more dangerous to have your tires popped and lose that super secret decoder ring.  Some elusive spies carry a spare set of self inflating tires for when this happens.  No matter what you carry in that machine of yours that allows you to get the mission objective to the rendezvous point,  make sure that you are well prepared for those tire drills!.

Missile Turrets:

This is needed for the heavy duty spy.  Running into blockades,  cars lining the border crossing or needing to have a fast exit out of that compound,  then this is needed!  Missile turrets can be mounted in places similar to the machine guns,  but there are also some that are installed in roofs and the side paneling.  Ever catch yourself being trailed by that Apache aircraft?  You are gonna need one of these,  fore the other armaments are not going to do anything  for something in the air.  I personally enjoy swivel mounts on the roof so that vehicles behind you and in the air can  be targeted.  Place some of these in your next spy car.  You never know when they will come in handy and be the play that determines whether one completes their mission or not. 

So there you have it.  Five ultimate coping skills for road rage when encountered by a spy on a routine mission.  This is just the top five and there are many more to be included.  These are the basics for when one first starts.  Lasers and amphibious mode comes later!  Always note that one does not know the predicament that one will be in once the mission starts.  Prepare for the worst and hope for the best!


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    • wolfmonk profile image

      wolfmonk 6 years ago from Derry,NH

      Thank you for the comment. Yes there are many people out there like that. They do not even know what they are saying when they get that upset. You sometimes can see their blood vessels bulging and know that it is affecting their circulation and blood pressure.

    • danfresnourban profile image

      danfresnourban 6 years ago from Fresno, CA

      This post reminded me of my time working at a trucking company while I was in law school. There was this odd guy that drove big rigs under my supervision. He was a very solid guys in all respects. He had about 25 years experience driving for the company that I worked for. He was a nice guy however he had this problem with road rage. I did not even know he had a problem until one day he came in to the office furious. I tried to calm him down but he was like a different person.

      I let him calm down that day. The next time I saw him I advised him that he had to do something about his road rage because it would have a negative affect on his health.

    • profile image

      september girl 6 years ago

      ya got me there, wolfmonk! ;)

    • wolfmonk profile image

      wolfmonk 6 years ago from Derry,NH

      Oh sure, I agree. Although it still can be a happy thought while driving!

    • profile image

      september girl 6 years ago

      Sometimes it would seem nice to have, wouldn't it? But, I think it should probably only stay in the movies.