How to Stop Being Busy and Get More Done
"The Cult of Being Busy"
Do you know someone who's constantly talking about how busy she is – whether it's true or not. I've known a person like that my entire life – my 78-year-old mother. Even as she recovers from a stroke at home, she's still telling anyone who'll listen how busy she is (doing exactly what is unclear). It turns out her compulsion to present herself as a busy person is not unusual in American society today where staying occupied takes precedence over thinking, learning, reading, and reflecting. Some overly busy people, defined by their insecurities, need to make themselves look important to the world. Others use being busy an excuse to avoid things they don't wish to do. Author and public speaker, Scott Berkun, has dubbed this phenomenon “the cult of being busy" and reminds us that being overly busy decreases our productivity and stifles creativity.
Overly Busy People, Defined by Their Insecurities, Need to Look Important
Recalling decades of phone conservations between my mother and me, each one involved her immediately listing all that she had done recently, all that she was doing now, and all that she would be doing. When asking about me, she'd never say: How are you doing? but always: What are you doing? The not-so-subtle message being: You are what you do.
This notion of you are what you do is prevalent in childrearing today as parents sign their youngsters up for every sport, art class, and music lesson under the sun, chauffeur them from one activity to another, and then complain how exhausted they are from being so darn busy. Research shows that over-scheduling our kids is harmful to them, but parents – especially mothers – persist. It's all part of “the cult of being busy” that stems from profound insecurity. Parents over-schedule their kids – knowing it's wrong -- because they can't deal with the anxiety that comes from not over-scheduling them. A mother can't stomach the idea that her kid might be less likely to succeed, lose the competitive edge, and fall behind her peers. If Molly Smith's mother signs her daughter up for three dance classes a week – jazz, hip-hop, and ballet – Janie Jones's mother thinks: I better sign up Janie for the same three or, better yet, even more!
Attaching a Cell Phone to Our Ear Makes Us Feel Busy and Important
Overly Busy People: Avoiding What They Don't Wish to Do
It doesn't take a degree in psychology to understand people brag about being busy because they're insecure. They're trying to prove to the world and to themselves how important they are. Go to any restaurant – five-star or fast food – and you'll see people constantly checking their phones for new emails or texts, even while dining with their spouses or dates. If they receive a call during the meal, they'll probably take it – not because the call itself is important but because it makes them feel important. In this way, cell phones have become the greatest accessory for members in “the cult of busy.”
Many self-proclaimed busy people such as my mother have their entire identities wrapped up in staying occupied. Being busy means more to them than being intelligent, well-read, spiritually enlightened, or contemplative. Scott Berkun writes:
“When I was younger I thought busy people were more important than everyone else. Otherwise why would they be so busy? I had busy bosses, busy parents, and always I just thought they must have really important things to do. It seemed an easy way to see who mattered and who didn’t. The busy must matter more, and the lazy mattered less.”
That's exactly how I felt about my mother when I was a kid. In my young eyes, she was an important person who mattered because she was always saying how busy she was. It wasn't until I was 38 – holding down a part-time job and mothering a toddler with autism and a newborn – that I finally called CRAP! on my retired mother when she constantly said how busy she was. The reality became all too clear; being busy was her way to feel superior and to avoid doing things she didn't want to do such as helping out with her grandkids. People put time and effort into what matters to them and, clearly, my kids didn't matter to her. While coming to terms with that was painful, it was also very liberating, I was finally able to accept the truth about my mother and no longer fight it. Scott Berkun writes:
"The phrase 'I don’t have time for' should never be said. We all get the same amount of time every day. If you can’t do something it’s not about the quantity of time. It’s really about how important the task is to you. I’m sure if you were having a heart attack, you’d magically find time to go to the hospital. That time would come from something else you’d planned to do, but now seems less important. This is how time works all the time. What people really mean when they say 'I don’t have time' is this thing is not important enough to earn my time. It’s a polite way to tell people they’re not worth your time."
Moms Know Over-Scheduling Their Kids Is Bad, But They Can't Deal with the Anxiety That Comes from Not Doing It
Being Overly Busy Decreases Productivity
Older folks such as my mother, who grew up in religious homes, often heard the saying: “Idle hands are the devil's workshop.” It commands people to work hard as a way to avoid sin. However, new research shows downtime is extremely valuable while being overly busy is harmful and counter-productive.
K. Anders Ericsson, a psychologist at Florida State University, has studied how people reach high levels of competence. Contrary to what many in “the culture of busy” believe, Ericsson found that people learn more efficiently when they limit focused practice to only an hour and then follow it with a break. Both adults and children benefit from mental breaks during their work and school days. After a break, we are more focused, more creative, and less stressed. Scott Berkun sums it up perfectly:
“I deliberately try not to fill my calendar. I choose not to say Yes to everything. For to do so would make me too busy, and I think, less effective at what my goals are. I always want to have some margin of my time in reserve, time I’m free to spend in any way I choose, including doing almost nothing at all. I’m free to take detours. I’m open to serendipity. Some of the best thinkers throughout history had some of their best thoughts while going for walks, playing cards with friends, little things that generally would not be considered the hallmarks of busy people. It’s the ability to pause, to reflect, and relax, to let the mind wander, that’s perhaps the true sign of time mastery, for when the mind returns it’s often sharper and more efficient, but most important perhaps, happier than it was before.”
We Need Downtime to Recharge Ourselves
People who constantly say how busy they are need to feel important. They may use being busy as an excuse to avoid doing things they don't wish to do. The rest of us must accept that they won't change because their identities are too tied with being busy. We can, however, learn from those members in "the cult of busy" so we don't wind up like them: overly busy people, defined by their insecurities. By partaking of activities such as spending time in nature, exercising, and meditating, we boost our productivity, heighten our creativity, and increase our happiness.
I Was Sinking and This Book Gave Me a Lifeline
As a teacher, wife, and mother, I was constantly trying to balance my work commitments with my personal ones and making a mess of it. My happiness, peace of mind, and overall health was going down the tubes while I struggled to keep all the balls in the air. I wasn't having any fun. This book helped me change it around, put things in perspective, and learn to prioritize.