10 Things New Zoo Employees Are Not to Do No Matter What
Where did the Zoo come from?
- From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Giants of the Savanna Exhibit at the Dallas Zoo, Texas, October 2011
A zoo (short for zoological park or zoological garden, and also called a menagerie) is a facility in which animals are confined within enclosures, displayed to the public, and in which they may also be bred.
- The term zoological garden refers to zoology, the study of animals, a term deriving from the Greek zoon ( "animal") and lógos ("study"). The abbreviation "zoo" was first used of the London Zoological Gardens, which opened for scientific study in 1828 and to the public in 1857. The number of major animal collections open to the public around the world now exceeds 1,000, around 80 percent of them in cities.
Remember the zoo?
Much like bowling alleys I talked about in my last hub being great places for family fun, the same can be said of zoo's. Think about it. Where else can you and your family pay a small admission price and spend the day taking your sweet time talking to each other and enjoying what seems to be an endless parade of animals, both exotic and domestic?
I can think of only one place. Our city parks. But the only two animal species there are squirrels and pigeons. Both have been hooked on popcorn and peanuts by "us" over the years. I find nothing wrong with city parks, it's just that zoos such as the Kansas City and Oklahoma City Zoo's offer huge varieties of animals and animal shows that we can sit and enjoy without an extra charge.
Zoos have pretty much everything for your pleasure
I almost forgot about those tasty concessions available almost everywhere inside these zoos mentioned in above paragraph. What a great day you can have with your wife and kids in these or any zoo that is near your area.
I know that this, so far, sounds much like a commercialized-endorsement of zoos, but really isn't. I had t give you the proper background so you could understand the rest of this story.
Let's pretend for a moment that this poor guy, who doesn't exist, has just been fired from his current job as a pet shampoo telemarketer and now he is the unrecognized record-holder of "Most Jobs Lost in a Single Year," but do not worry about this man. Help is on the way inside his daily newspaper that he always reads the moment he arrives at home, which today will be earlier than usual.
Watching this will put you in the mood for a visit to the zoo
Miracles do happen
Upon opening the paper on this certain day, he heads straight for the classified ads where he prays to find a job opening that suits him. No sooner than he starts reading the ads under "Help Wanted," he sees it: THE ad to make him feel like a real man again. THE job that he knows that in time, he can master and hopefully retire with a hefty-pension, if one is provided.
The job: "General worker for the city zoo. No experience necessary. Will train. No high school or college degree required. Hourly wage starts at $13.00/hour. Apply in person. Glen Haven City Zoo, Monday through Friday. No calls please."
In this poor man's mind, the word, "ideal" surfaces over and over again. This is THE job he has dreamed of. No more cramped, stressful office jobs. No more cranky bosses. Yes, sir, he thinks. My ship has finally come in. And since he does love animals and working outdoors, he might as well tell people he is the new City Zoo General Worker. He is that confident.
You gotta be kiddin' this poor guy
But soon as he passes his interview with flying colors, his bubble is burst on the first day of his dream job. He is feeling down, but not defeated. Then he is hurt again and now he sees this new job as daunting and overwhelming. Plus being dangerous. I wish he had read this list of . . .
10 Things New Zoo Employees Are Not to Do No Matter What
10.) Leave home without cleaning the smell of bacon off your body.
9.) Make faces (only in fun) to the Silver Gorillas. After all, they are behind bars, so what harm can they do?
8.) Give the lions and tigers a lous wake-up call causing them to lose their temper. And there you stand with that stupid canned airhorn in your hand.
7.) Your buddies show-up to wish you well on your new job, but they have been drinking, so they dare you to walk into the black panther cage and stay for 15 seconds.
6.) Quickly-volunteering for any new task the boss mentions. On your first day, your eagerness takes you to the Reptile House. Not to view and enjoy the snakes and such, but to clean all of their cages which mean you have to hand them out to your assistant who is severely-addicted to "weed" and laziness, and he is the boss' nephew.
5.) On your lunch break, your lunch is suddenly taken from you by a playful chimp named, "Leonard." You try, in a nice way, to get your lunch back for you are famished, but "Leonard," believes that you are attacking him and almost tears your arms off giving you deep cuts and ugly scratches.
4.) On your third day you believe in yourself to the extent that you are not fearful of feeding the seals their daily feeding of fresh fish. Before you know it, the "friendly" seals are smart enough to gang-up on you and almost beat you senseless and to make you look even more foolish, they take all of the fish and your zoo-issued coveralls.
3.) Your boss calls you to his office to reprimand you for some friction you caused with "Gramps," the elderly walrus who has been in the zoo since his birth. The boss says he will not fire you if you will kiss "Gramps" on the lips and not lose your lunch. It was tough kissing the walrus with fish bones and scales all around his mouth, but you did it. And when you were good and out of sight, you not only lost your lunch, but had to be taken to the emergency room for a "mysterious" surge of food poisoning.
2.) On another day, your beer-drinking buddies show-up again and this time, bet you some real money to challenge "Baby," the ostrich, to a footrace winner take all. But "Baby," is not educated on the fun of a footrace, so she attacks you in a violent fashion as you lay on the ground begging your intoxicated buddies to get her off of you. Plus you lost your only $50 you had saved in your wallet for emergencies.
1.) On Monday of the next week, you are minding your own business in the giraffe area leaving feed for them in their feeding areas when one giraffe, who isn't used to you, waits until your back is turned and takes a bite out of your butt and almost taking your "privates" with him.
Hey, fella. Don't feel so bad. Aren't you glad that the subscription to your treasured-daily newspaper has not ran out?