15 Rules For New Office Workers To Follow For Success
NOTE: This is NOT an angry boss
My 15 Rules For New Office Workers will enable you to deal with bosses like this
Rules, my new office employees, are everywhere
in the home, church, school, military and of course, the workplace. Have you ever imagined what our world would be like without rules? I have. And it's not a bad image, in some areas. "No Rules Football," would be my favorite entertainment. No rules. Just hard-hitting that sheds blood on the gridiron. Blitzing the quarterback before the ball is snapped. Ahhh, what a great show for CBS.
But back to reality. We need rules. To follow in order to keep us from a chaotic society. And to keep us from harm and danger. Just imagine our world without laws. People looting, shooting, fighting, killing, stealing. No thanks. The "No Rules Football" is violent enough for me.
The workplace also thrives on rules. Some rules for workers are not sensible while some rules are clear-cut. And in order for you, the fresh-out-of-college men and women, you need . . .
"My 15 Rules For New Office Workers To Be A Success"
NOTE: Parental discretion is NOT advised. Children are allowed to read this.
BE EAGER although you could care less about the "Wireless Apple Core Remover," just act as eager as any beaver and this will surely help you to make points with the higher-up's and coworkers.
ALWAYS RUN not slink, sidle or lumber. Run to wherever the boss sends you. If it's for coffee for him and his wife who is visiting, run. So what if others in the office laugh their heads off at you. They cannot fire you. So remember,run, run, run your way to lots of raises and promotions.
SMILE all of the time. No matter what is going on in your personal life. Even if "the" girl you loved more than your own soul has left you for some shiftless gigolo named, "Manny," smile. Bosses as a rule, comment to their bosses behind closed doors about employees who smile as being valuable to their companies.
TAKE NOTES about everything. Everyday. Never go anywhere without your notepad. Do not take a small tape recorder, that shows laziness. And that is one thing bosses cannot stand is laziness.
LISTEN to everyone when they speak. From the janitor to the vending machine guy. Everyone connected to your business has bits of information that may prove useful to you. God put your ears on your head for listening. Not to make you better looking.
BE EARLY every workday. At least 15 minutes early. Don't listen to those slackers in the office who get out their handkerchiefs and say, "here, buddy, let me rub that brown off your nose," they aren't happy to be working like you. Bosses know who cares about their job and who doesn't.
DO EXTRA things for people, bosses, visitors in the lobby, salesmen, and even rank strangers who stop by your place of business to ask directions to your competition. In this time of being early each day, make fresh coffee for your coworkers. Bring danish and blueberry muffins. Not everyday, that would be financially senseless. Just once a week. This gesture will pay huge dividends.
NEVER FLIRT with attractive females in the office. If you do, they can sue you and your company for sexual harassment. Be a "stick in the mud," and mind your business. Who cares if you never get to date them. They are not signing your paycheck.
NEVER ARGUE with coworkers over anything. If a senior employee says that the Green Bay Packers are a "lousy team," even with their 12-1 record, agree with him. Companies hate troublemakers in any form. An easy-going employee will go far in today's business world.
FIND REASONS TO COMPLIMENT (only male) coworkers on their work, performance in the company or for the way they helped you by loaning you that five-dollars so you could have lunch. Be sure to either return the favor to that friendly male employee or pay the money back now. A caring employee is management material. Good thing to know.
NEVER GET INVOLVED with any form of office politics. If "Jim" is passed over for a promotion although he had years of seniority and worlds of experience, but "Buddy," the boss' dim-witted, college drop-out nephew, got the high-paying promotion, do not join in "Jim's" resentment for the boss or his nephew. Console "Jim" but only on your own time. A kind word just might prevent "Jim" from storming in one day and "punching out" "Buddy's" lights that ARE on.
ALWAYS VOLUNTEER for any overtime offered. This is a great way to get a raise and promotion. So what if the lazy coworkers in your office are going to a strip club and having a "guy's night out," you are the one paying dues and you just might be their boss one day.
STAND UP FOR coworkers who ARE in the right. This is not office politics, but the moral thing to do. If "Ned," is accused of flirting with "Jane," the "60's throw back to hippy days," but he was with you at the time of the said flirting, then "buck the system." Stand up for "Nedd." He will pay you back one day. When he is sober.
BE BRIEF when you talk to the boss in his office for whatever reason you have to see him in private. Bosses love to not have to talk to employees.
Example: YOU: Err, Mr. Thompson, may I see you a moment in private?
YOU: Thank you, sir. May I have a half-day off next Tuesday?
YOU: Thank you, sir.
See how easy that was? So what if you get a deadly virus from that appendix surgery that you needed off work for. Could be, out of pure pity, "Mr. Thompson," will give you that half-day off anyway.
DO NOT DISCUSS personal problems in the office. At any cost. For any reason. You are a single man fresh out of college. You cannot afford any black marks on your employment record. Keep whatever burdens you are bearing to yourself and "act" happy as you do your mundane tasks at your job. My point. By revealing a personal problem, you are also revealing your weaknesses to a coworker who might use them against you one day. Keep that in mind.
And on that certain day in your near future, when they start calling you, "Mr. Wigglesman, senior vice-president of the company," you will look back on the joyous day that you read THIS piece and used these rules to help you get where you are today.
And when you see a "special employee," that you have just hired and he is following these same rules, promote him immediately.
He might be my irresponsible cousin, "Jake," who has wised-up and now needs to work to support his new girlfriend, "Bubbles," and their new baby which in all probability, belongs to him.