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Joe The Internet Millionaire Fueds With Another Internet Millionaire

Updated on July 10, 2010


It's me again.

If you haven't heard of me yet, you might want to read this. Pretty much everyone in the Internet knows about me by now, but a little refresher can't hurt.

I'm Joe The Internet Millionaire.

I am incredibly wealthy and I work only hours a week. I place tiny ads online, I build downlink affiliate networks, I market expensive products that I never have to keep in stock. I write eBooks, online books, books on tape, and I am currently test marketing books on paper.

Life is good for me.

Lately I have one annoying problem

Everything's great except for one thing. As an Internet Millionaire, I have everything I ever need or want. I spend my days lounging by the pool drinking a special flavor of Gatorade that is made specially for me. It is served in a special glass that was also made specially for me. The glass can only be washed in a special dishwasher... you get the idea.


I want to tell you a little about the trials and tribulations of being the Richest Internet Millionaire. Most people see me drive down the street in my Ferrari and they think "There goes Joe, The Internet Millionaire. I wish I could be as rich and happy as he must certainly be. My life is worthless compared to his."


To be completely honest with you, life has been difficult lately. For example, I recently became aware that I had a neighbor. My Internet Millionaire estate is so large and well-landscaped that normally I have no clue what's going on outside the perimeter. Unfortunately one of my pure-bred and extremely expensive dogs dug up a bush. Beyond that bush was another estate, which as it turns out is owned by another Internet Millionaire.


This Internet Millionaire has a pool which is obviously larger than mine.


I don't know how this could happen. Obviously I am the Richest Internet Millionaire on The Internet. I have a garage full of Rolls Royce convertibles. I sleep in a special bed made specially for me. I wear a Rolex made specially for me. The Rolex takes a special battery... you get the idea.


This guy calls himself The Rich Pogonophobiac.

I had to look it up, too. Actually I had someone else look it up because I am an Internet Millionaire. Pogonophobia is a fear of beards.

His Internet Persona is "someone who is afraid of beards." I had one of my people check out his web site: it's clean-shaven and chock full of amazing online moneymaking techniques.


Obviously this guy has a much better shtick than I. How can I possibly compete with another Internet Millionaire who positions himself in such a narrow niche, yet still manages to build a bigger pool?


I need you all to purchase as many of my Internet Wealth Building plans as you possibly can. Order my books, tapes, blogs, web sites, training manuals, podcasts, T-shirts, posters, pomegranate affiliate marketing plans, and pretty much whatever else I link to on my home page.


I won't forget you. Together we can defeat the Rich Pogonophobiac. Together we can build me a bigger pool.

Put down that remote and start putting my stuff on your credit card.


Today only, I have an extra-special offer for my closest Internet Friends. Today only, if you order all of my Internet Wealth Building programs, I will throw in a specially made super secret program including a specially made web site that contains a specially made affiliate program... you get the idea.

I'll also throw in the private cell phone number of the Rich Pogonophobiac. I convinced him to give it to me just in case his pool filter clogs up when he's not home.



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    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @The Old Firm : Perhaps that's why I'm afraid of you.

    • The Old Firm profile image

      The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

      I have a beard! Bugger Off!!

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @drbj: Bring him in through service entrance, please. ;)

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      nicomp- I have a friend who has a brother-in-law who has an uncle who has a son who is friends with a guy who is married to the daughter of a woman who used to work as the Bearded Lady in Barnum & Bailey's Circus. She hasn't lost any of her hirsute charm.

      How about if I have her come round and you introduce her to your pogonophobic neighbor?

    • Springboard profile image

      Springboard 7 years ago from Wisconsin

      You know, there might be one very simple solution to this. If the guy happens to be a pogonophobiac, why not just grow a beard and pop by him for a visit? You know, linger for a while. Get his phobia really working overtime. Perhaps you could even drum up a few OTHER folks with beards and include them in your welcome party. After all, you ARE an Internet millionaire. I'm sure you could find a few hirsute faced fellows to join you for a price. Hell, a drive to the city might even produce a bum or two who haven't seen a razor blade in months. Maybe years. A few bucks to clean 'em up a bit, and you'd be well on your way to sending your pogonophobiac neighbor into a sheer and utter panic.

      BTW, have you checked to see if he may have a weak heart? Sometimes the best business practice is to eradicate your competition. I'm just saying...

      That business COULD get a little hairy though, if you don't mind the ridiculous pun.

    • dallas93444 profile image

      Dallas W Thompson 7 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

      I just checked: You have not cashed my C.O.D. check yet. I just ordered one of each of everything you sell. I cannot wait to stop working my day job cleaning sewers with my favorite toothbrush to watching TV all day! I have saved all the coupons I tore out of my neighbors newspaper to use as money for this order! Great hub. Do you take state of California IOU's?

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @dabeaner,, Tom Whitworth, one2get2no : Thank you for your external support in this matter. If I wasn't so busy being an Internet Millionaire, I would invite all of you to sit by my pool with me and Earn Internet Millions Working Just Hours A Day.

    • one2get2no profile image

      Philip Cooper 7 years ago from Olney


    • Tom Whitworth profile image

      Tom Whitworth 7 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      We'll all grow beards and pay Mr. Pogonophobiac a little visit. That should put him in mental observation for a month.

    • profile image 7 years ago

      I dont give a stuff about your problems "The first human being who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization- Sigmund Freud" It's your pool filter not his that's going to get clogged up Nicomp with all the hairs from all the hairy bearded non pogs you keep inviting around!

    • dabeaner profile image

      dabeaner 7 years ago from Nibiru

      I really object to this. It is late, and I just got a call from my friend Harry Pogonophobivich about this HubPage. I had to push off the latest Victoria's Secret model sitting on my "pogono area" to answer his call. Since I am one of your acolytes, and also one of Harry's, you have put me smack in the middle of this dispute between you and Harry with this Hub. "Cain't we all jes git along?" What really tweaks me is that both of you are so busy quarreling that you have neglected to feed me a few more tips, which has caused me to stall out on my road to internet mega millions, being still just a skosh short of one million. That means I won't be able to afford a harem of Victoria's Secret models instead of just one, until another month or two.