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Updated on February 23, 2011


I have had it right up to "HERE" with damn near every company I deal with these days in respect to automated telephone answering machines and the incredible time it takes in order to talk to a human being.

First, many of them have you choose between English and Spanish and it's always me that has to take the cell phone off my head and press #1. This is still America isn't it? Why the hell do I have to make the choice? This entire bi-lingual crap is another story all together. Summed up...if you’re going to live in this country...learn the damn language or go back where ever the hell it is you came from.

After you've decided what language you speak your then told that the "menu has changed" so pay attention you idiot so we can play every recording we have including what we think your problem is and what button to press in the event we got it right. They never do, do they? The reason you’re calling is never ever on their endless list of options.

You wait and you wait and you wait and you wait listening to the worst music ever recorded until some bubbly little twiffy comes on and tells you how important you are as a customer to them but all the operators are currently taking care of other very important customers as well so you'll be taken care of in the order in which you placed your call. They rarely tell you your number 126. 20 seconds later, you hear the same torturous message again. 20 seconds later again and again and again and again.

All the while your ear is in agony, sweating from prolonged stress and probably an overdose of electromagnetic cell phone radiation and you’re getting ready to throw the God damn phone up against a God damn wall.

Once in a while they actually tell you up front "Your call will be answered in approximately 22 minutes."

By then, you’re so pissed off, you’re pressing the phone up against your ear too hard and you inadvertently hang the damn thing up and you've got to endure the whole freaking process over again.

A half hour plus later, if you haven't had a stroke and your phone is still intact, you haven't totally run out of minutes, or your lunch hour isn't long gone, you finally hear a ring attempt to your party. Of course, you get another recording offering you a voice mail option because the person you’re looking for is on the pot reading War and Peace.

If your super lucky, a real person answers but before you can get out a " name is" your obliged to answer 400 questions regarding your account including numbers most of which you haven't seen since the day you signed up 35 years ago. But that's not all....there's more.....The person you've been assigned to is actually talking to you from Bangladesh. The connection sucks and you can only make out one bad English word out of five if you lucky. Lots of fun if your problem happens to be technical in nature.

Many a time I've found myself waiting and waiting while hooked up to an expensive long distance number, or what used to be my lunch hour.

My God America, don't you think it's about time for another revolution? What ever happened to corporate courtesy? We can spend thousands of dollars on a product and the very same day, call the company for any reason at all including a help question and we're treated like we don't even exist. For Christ sake if you guys got that much business, hire more phone operators. Do something, anything and I'll tell you why...Sooner or later you’re going to pay for your lack of customer courtesy as in my case for example: For some time now, I refuse to do business with any company that consistently keeps me waiting on the phone for more than one minute flat. If we all did that and let them know about it, soon, the good-old days would return when corporations actually cared about their customer's.

Take advantage of the opportunity if you do eventually make it to a voice-mail recorder or even a real person, let them know up front how you feel right then and there. If all of us are as relentless as these systems that have turned us all into subservient, option less pawns, I guarantee you, things will change, things will change real fast. Money doesn't swears...


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    • calpol25 profile image


      6 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner)

      This is true and the automated thing gets on my nerves too, we have the same problem here in Britain. Good hub really enjoyed reading :)


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