Sometimes, People's Mouths Can Really Get On My Last Nerve
Girls who neglect to tell me another guy is coming along
OTHER THINGS THAT I DESPISE
Actually, this story needs no introduction. It's simply entitled, "Sometimes, People's Mouths Can Get On My Last Nerve,"and I hope you, after reading this true, personal confession, will pray for me and my weakness to be the "victim" of torment when hearing these things below.
Let's begin with . . .
GET SOME usually said by rednecks, or troublemakers who have had too much to drink and want to fight anyone who comes near their shadow. Now if "get some," meant for me, or you, to come and "get," in the literal sense, some good fried catfish, grilled rib eye steaks and maybe a hefty-helping of German chocolate cake, then you bet your sweet disposition that I would be first in line.
YOU WERE SAYING is said by self-absorbed people in a group of three or more. Let's look at this closely. You start talking about a topic and suddenly you are interrupted by a member of this mentally-enlightened group. You, being a courteous person, allow that person to finish their contribution to the conversation. Now if the leader of the group, the self-absorbed person does have a shred of decency, will say "you were saying," for you to finish what you started, but take heed that if she or he doesn't say this, the group wasn't that interested in what you were saying. And I truly concede that amnesia is not that rampant in our country.
SPORT, CHUM, OR SLICK you will hear one or all of these terms in most back-alley, smoke-filled bars with smart alec's for bartenders who say something of this nature to you when you order a drink. "is that all for ya', sport?" I think that the bartenders who rely on these terms are just weak in the vocabulary department. A simple, "is that all for you this evening?" would fit like a glove.
MANAGERS WHO SAY, "I WILL GET RIGHT ON IT" and leave you hanging for hours on the phone or in-person. Didn't you know, Mr. or Ms. Manager, that your business is made up of customers like myself? And by you not doing what you say just might lead to you losing customers like myself. If you cannot honor our requests, just say, "I cannot do that," and we will not be upset, but appreciate your honesty.
CRUEL, ILL-MANNERED CROWDS who say, "exccussseeee meeeee," in an insincere tone of voice while they stampede over me like the cattle herds on CBS' hit western of yesteryear, "Rawhide." That irks me that such vulgar-mannered people would even bother saying anything to me if they aren't sincere. Why don't you be honest and say, "mooooooo," and I'll take that as a signal that you are much like a cattle stampede and step aside.
LOOK when it's used like this: "look, I've had enough of your grumbling," because you do not give me anything to "look" at. If you are going to use the verb "look," just hold up a photo or sign that will satisfy me for being so gullible for "looking" when you were talking.
IN A MINUTE said mostly by lazy husbands stretched-out in a La-Z-Boy recliner in the living room while his over-worked wife is in the kitchen trying to sort out the huge load of groceries she has just brought back from the supermarket. She simply said, "honey, can you come here for a moment?" And with perfect reflex and conditioning, he says, "in a minute," so he can watch a few more minutes of SportsCenter on ESPN, or some higher-thinking husbands say, "in a minute dear. I'm right in the middle of something," what, a nap? Oh you feel cheated if you only pull down 38 winks instead of 40. Husbands, just get of of your behind and see what the wife is wanting. No worries. No problems.
WON'T HURT A BIT is a classic lie told by dentists, doctors, and most certified public accountants. If they bother to tell you something "won't hurt a bit," bet your last dollar that it will hurt a bit. And then some.
ARE YOU READY? says a husband who is already dressed and ready to go to a night on the town, but his wife is a few minutes behind schedule. Face it, guys. Girls have lots more to do than us when we go somewhere. Sit your wife or girlfriend down sometime and get her to tell you just what all she has to do before going out. You will appreciate her more for taking that few extra minutes than just go as she is. I promise you.
LET ME CALL SOMEBODY says anyone in a position of management. For instance. You buy a hefty-priced vacuum cleaner from what you think is a reliable company and when you get it home and fire it up, guess what? It does not do the work that the slick salesperson said it would do. So you call the Customer Support number he or she gave you and sure enough, a customer support agent answers, but when you tell them your problem, you instantly hear that deathly-lull in the conversation. Then the customer support agent says a phrase that stops your heart, "let me call somebody in on this," and you wait. And wait. And wait. Get a grip. Buy from trusted companies.
GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER AND I'LL CALL YOU BACK is also used by above fly-by-night vacuum cleaner and meat salesperson. Let's say you order a certain item from the internet or over the phone. The happy salesperson makes you feel good by his, "thanks for calling us," and proceeds to listen to your order only to say, "give me your number and I will call you back," what he means is that your item isn't available, but he is too afraid to tell you for he might lose your patronage. And money. If you love waiting, by all means, give these flimsy salespeople your number but do not sit by the phone and wait for their call. I promise you will be missing-out on a lot of your life.
SOUNDS GOOD. WE'LL LOOK IT OVER AND CALL YOU TOMORROW another classic lie told by store owners and managers to salespeople such as vendors with new products, radio, newspaper ad salesmen, and others who depend on commissions to survive. Listen. Just tell the vendor, "no thanks. We aren't interested," and let them pursue other companies. You will not look bad to them. In fact, your honesty might be appreciated.
(NOTE: I worked for a local radio station for a year and half in ad sales and this actually happened to me. I called on this "Ol' Boy" car dealer. Shook his hand, smiled and presented my product. His response was "call me tomorrow at 8 a.m.," so I did. He then said, "call me Tuesday at 1 p.m.," so I did. This went on for one month. I finally said to the "Ol' Boy," no I am not going to call you again. If you were remotely-interested in my radio spots (ads), you would have said so by now. Goodbye." There are professional liars in the world, folks. Get used to it. Kenneth)
DIDN'T I TELL YOU, JIM IS COMING TOO a fickle girl tells her boyfriend who is a bit gullible. Let's say, "Billy John," has called "Prissy Crissy," for a date on Friday night. "Prissy Crissy" agrees and says, "see you then, giggle, giggle," "Billy John" arrives only to see "Jimmy Jim," a smart-alec rival's car sitting in her driveway. When an upset "Billy John" asks, "Prissy, what's 'Jimmy Jim's' car doing here?" "Ohhh, giggle, didn't I tell you that Jim is going with us tonight," and "Billy John," if he's a man at all, will tell "Jimmy Jim" to "hit the bricks," or "Billy John" will leave himself. Yes, I've almost had this happen to me.
BACK AT YA' I've heard this one phrase until I am sick to my stomach. Why can't the people who use this term just say, "I agree with you," or maybe, "you are right," something besides "back at ya"?
And the last phrase that I hate is . . .
PEOPLE WHO ARE SEVERELY-LATE but offer no reason upon their arrival. This applies to service people who you call and set up an appointment for getting cable television or satellite service. Or any service-related company that requires a representative to be at your home when YOU say so. Once I called a company to get a representative to see me at my home on a certain day and time. The guy was three hours late. And when he arrived he did not say one word as to why he was late.
I didn't buy the life insurance he was selling.
CARE TO TAKE A QUICK POLL?
What aggravates you the worst?
Rude crowds that show no courtesy
To clarify, in my most-recent hub, "In Another Life, I Was Married To A Showgirl," I want to make it known that the material in this hub was purely humor, tongue-in-cheek and was not meant in any mean-spirit toward any woman on my follower's list.
I just felt that I put this notice on this hub, which too, is a work of humor to make you laugh, smile and feel better.