How I Became The Starbucks Customer Of The Month!
I think it was that fellow Shakespeare who wrote, “All the world’s a stage…” and while I was a professional actor for years on actual stages I’ve now taken my act on the road on a daily basis to my corporate job and just about anywhere else I go. I’m what I like to think of as a “life actor” that performs several shows daily and while the lighting isn’t always that great and the audience sometimes doesn’t quite “get it”, I recently received a reward for all my entertaining of the masses. How I became the Starbucks Customer of the Month! – Don’t Get Me Started!
I stop every morning at Starbucks. I don’t use the drive-thru as I’m one of those pain-in-the-ass folks that need his coffee done a certain way (the difference is that I know this and readily acknowledge it). Plus I want to see the barista responsible for it to make sure they get what I’m looking for – currently it’s a triple shot of espresso with one raw sugar and some cinnamon powder melted into the shots and then iced in a Grande cup with just a splash of soy milk on the top. While it may not sound all that fussy (who am I kidding) you can’t imagine how many people just put the sugar in on the bottom, never stirring it so it becomes a nice sludge and then place the cinnamon powder on the top of the ice giving it a lovely dirt color and causing your first sip to be an inhalation that creates an annihilation of your sinuses. Because I know this is not your average latte, I go in the place, taking the time to put on my life make up (adjusting any negative attitude I might be feeling at the moment) and putting on my show for them each morning. I know them all by name, they all know me and we each play our roles to perfection. The snappy banter may include sexual innuendo, a good eye roll at the person that wants 16 pumps of mocha in their so-called coffee, to why the latest counter setup doesn’t work at all for me to be able to swipe my iPhone on the readers. (More than once I’ve taken to re-decorating to the delight of my ensemble cast).
Lest you think I’m just a pain, I also pick up litter in the parking lot on my way in, wipe the counters down where others have left spilled milk (not worth crying over apparently) and throwing away the wrappers for the straws and sugar that some customers feel should just be left on the counter instead of put in the garbage hole inches away from where they left them. So a couple of months ago when I saw the very homemade crafty “Customer of the Month” plaque go on the wall I’ll admit I thought that a Polaroid of me should appear on the thing that frankly is tacky in a kitschy sort of way (yes, I’m being nice). However I need to make it clear that I never campaigned to be on it.
I entered my stage once more this past Friday and when I went in, the gals announced they had a surprise for me. I was delighted to see not only a Polaroid camera appear from behind the counter heralding my win as the coveted Customer of the Month as it shot my picture out the front but also to be told that the perk for being the Customer of the Month included a free beverage every Friday during the month.
That’s when the trouble for my barista babes began. Immediately I announced that I would need photo approval (and that we might need to take one each week just to change things up), I asked what my responsibilities were (wondering if I had a runner up in case those nude photos akin to the Vanessa Williams ones that cost her Miss America back in the day turned up) and finally asked when we could plan a sort of meet and greet for people to meet me, get signed napkins and enjoy some readings from my endless Starbucks blogs I’d written over the years. It was all met with a blank stare and a collective, “What the hell have we created, here?” as they glanced back and forth at one another feeling as though they’d just created the modern day Frankenstein. There’s nothing like leaving an audience speechless.
It’s been a few days so I must admit the giddy glow has worn off just a bit however it doesn’t stop me from every time I enter stating in my best stage (make them hear you in the back of the house) voice, “COTM in Da House Y’all!” I figure the abbreviation of “Customer of the Month” makes it feel like a current television competition show I’ve won, the “Da House” speaks to my ghetto public and finally the “Y’all” proves that much like Donnie and Marie I’m a little bit country and a little bit rock n’ roll (all in one pair of pants). Needless to say, it’s going to be a long month for the Starbucks baristas, still I’d like to thank them for the honor, I’d like to thank Mr. Starbucks wherever you are and to all coffee drinkers everywhere who visit Starbucks locations across the country, here’s my story of how I became the Customer of the Month!
Enjoy the whole world of Some Like It Scott!
- Some Like It Scott!
An acquired taste, like Tab cola, Some Like It Scott is one gay man's experiences with love, life and things that make him crazy, all done to a musical theatre soundtrack.