How to be a Security Officer - Security Guard
The Security Officer
“Good morning Officer Paul” is what I hear when I start my typical work shift. I then reply “Hey Todd, what’s up fool?” The 45 year old man I work with simply loves it when I call him that! No, I’m not protector of mankind, as my real name would suggest, or even guardian to the defenseless animals. No, instead I am the few, the proud, the strange – the security officer. (Please don’t call me a security guard – because I don’t actually stand and guard anything. I move about and promise the safety and security of an entire facility.)
Of course we both know - we don't have a gun
Why Do I Need a College Education?
Yes, you heard me right. I have a BA in Business yet I work odd hours protecting someone else’s investments and property for a crap wage. Yah yah yah – “you should be grateful you even have a job in today’s job market. God has blessed you with this opportunity.” I’ve heard it before and honestly, I don’t feel very blessed. I’ve been trapped in this job for the last 10 years – TEN YEARS! I am OCD and the comfort of the same building and the same job appeals to me even if it holds me back from better things. Don’t get me wrong, there are several good points about doing security work – at least when you’ve done it for so long for the same people. See, I have my bosses tricked into thinking I am a trustworthy, hard working individual. That means I never get checked up on and I get to work independent of supervision or colleagues. I also have free reign of the overhead intercom system as soon as the building is empty – a la Night at The Museum. It was often been quoted at me while I was growing up that singing loudly doesn’t necessarily make it better. Yah, well – guess what. Louder DOES make my singing sound better- bellowing throughout the empty building gives my voice an echo that many artists can only wish to achieve.
Over the years I’ve been asked the same question several times. I will answer it for you now to get it out of the way. No, I do not get to carry a gun. RealHousewife learned this fact just the other day and then asked me a very good question. She wanted to know what I would do if there was ever an intruder. My answer, sadly, was that I would hide in a corner holding my knees to my chest, rocking and humming while praying the intruder couldn’t see me. What? What did you think I was going to say?
There have been some scary moments during my time as a security officer. Usually they took place at night – go figure right? When I first started security I worked second shift, from 3 pm to 11 pm. My first scary moment involved a fellow who was obsessed with redheads and boots. Guess who wore boots? Yup, I did. I called off sick one of my regular shifts and the next day I got a phone call from my boss. His words were “I have something to tell you but please don’t freak out.” Well of course I freaked out! My boss proceeded to tell me about a young man who was hiding behind the facility’s dumpsters the night before. He had a notebook with him detailing my schedule, my vehicle, my route home, and my boots. I didn’t say he was a normal individual! When the police came to take the young man away they searched his car and found knives, a gun, duct tape, and rope in his trunk. I guess it was pure luck that I had called off ill that night. I always parked my car out back by the dumpsters. Creepy!
We Are Here to Listen
Would You Ever Consider Being a Security Officer?
The second freaky incident took place on a second shift also. I was sitting in the lobby of the building watching people walk to their vehicles in the dark. All of a sudden something that sounded like a gunshot echoed throughout the lobby. Naturally I ducked because the entire front wall of the building is only windows and support beams. My adrenaline shot through the roof and I yelled at the other people walking through the lobby to get down. After a minute of nothing I sat up straight to look around. To my surprise one of the front windows of the building had shattered into a million tiny pieces. After further investigation it was determined that the window simply couldn’t hold the pressure that was placed on it by heavy winds and it ruptured. No gun fights, no intruders. Ok, so that’s two scary incidents I was able to come out of without anything actually happening.
S*E*X on Tape
Being a security officer also has its embarrassing moments. Sometimes the moments are embarrassing for me but mostly they're just embarrassing for other people. Who to talk about first, who to talk about first… The others. Why is it that people can see a sign proclaiming the use of closed circuit cameras and they still do weird things – right under them? I’ve seen so many people doing so many things in their cars it's almost unbelievable! If a vehicle parks by the building during off-business hours I have to use the security cameras to zoom in and get the make, model and plate number of the vehicle. Then I have to leave the camera pointed on the vehicle to watch if someone gets out or not. Because of this I’ve seen people sexing in cars, smoking pot in cars, and fighting in cars. I’ve also seen people hop out of cars with a blanket only to disappear in the woods for a while. My favorite parking lot antics involve a dog. NO not like that you sicko. Two people in a red pickup pulled into the lot. It turns out they were trying to catch a loose dog they had trailed to the field by the building. This dog was having a great game of “I’m getting closer, I’m getting closer, they can almost touch me, aaaaalmost, now RUN!” This game went on for at least an hour before the dog took off down the street and I couldn’t see the action anymore.
Now that I’ve dished the dirt on others I will come clean on my most embarrassing moment as a security officer. It took place on a dark, quiet night. I was alone in the building and the settling creeks and groans were getting to me. I figured I would turn on some music to drown out the weird sounds. If you know me at all then you know if I have music on - I'm singing loud. I started singing to Lady Gaga and tapping my toes to the beat. I was getting into it real good when I had the brilliant idea to sing over the intercom. The world was going to be my stage for a few minutes and it wouldn't hurt anything. I picked up my desk phone and dialed the extension - I heard the distinct beep to let me know I had accessed the system properly and I started singing and dancing my little heart out. And you know what? You guessed it - I wasn't alone. I didn't realize it at first. After Lady Gaga ended I hung up the phone and went back to monitoring cameras and entering web site checks. An hour later an employee walked through the lobby and handed me a five dollar bill and thanked me for the entertainment. I apologized profusely and turned as red as possible - she just laughed.
Would You Make a Great Security Officer?view quiz statistics
Can We Get Security Up Here?
Seriously though - I do enjoy my job and I do perform it the best I can. I maintain current training in first aid, CPR and AED, I know how to react and stay calm during bad situations, I know what to look for to avoid negative outcomes, and I work diligently to keep people and property safe. Being a security officer is an excellent job for someone wanting to get into law enforcement, for retirees or for stay at home moms like myself to supplement household income. If you have any real questions about becoming a security officer please feel free to leave me a comment below and I will get back to you.
I got the idea to write about my employment experience from RealHousewife. She has a wonderful hub called Exciting Ways to Supplement Your Income. Please spread the love and visit her article - you'll be gad you did!