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Job Openings I Will Have When I Win the Lottery

Updated on September 22, 2013

The Dream

We all dream about the rich uncle we didn't know we had, dying and leaving us millions ... (actually, it used to be millions, but adjusted for inflation, technically it now needs to be billions) ... or about winning the lottery.

If ever I am so blessed as to win the "big one," the chances are great that I will stay in my 23 year old double-wide, continue its ongoing beautification projects that involve tile, wood floors, drywall, replacement windows and landscaping. It's actually quite cozy and moving would take a lot of work, plus I'd have to figure out where I wanted to move to. (I'm not a fan of big changes, lol.)

When I finish my remodeling project (with the help of lottery proceeds) I shall have a colorful, three dimensional, sandblasted sign made for the front of my home, and its name shall be ... (can you guess?) ... drumroll, please: "The Silk Purse!"

(If you "get" this, and laugh ... you can automatically be my friend and we will simply dispense with all "getting to know you" formalities, for we obviously knew one another in eternity past.)

But I digress.

When I win the lottery, I might not move away, but I will have the following job positions available ... and all of you are welcome to apply!

Chef

The question I most dread hearing in all the world is this: "What's for supper?" Inevitably, it gets asked on a day when I am busy writing, gardening, dog training, antiquing, refinishing furniture, or participating in any one of a million other interests that are more important to me than food. I do like to cook, but I hate HAVING to cook. Food is very important to sustaining life, and not much worth eating unless it is delicious, and this is why I would hire a chef ... someone who would consult with me, who likes to cook the things I like to eat, who has an adventurous spirit, and who does not mind seven dogs sitting at heel while the chicken is being deboned. I absolutely love good smells coming from the kitchen and am ever so appreciative when someone simply puts a plate in front of me. The pay will be good. I promise, and the benefits spectacular. Cold noses and warm hearts included for free.

Housekeeper

I am the kind of person who cleans up for the maid. So I am definitely not above cleaning my own home. However, when I win the lottery, I will be more than happy to let someone else have this job. The reason being, I simply have so many other interests that I often don't get to cleaning, yet I truly do enjoy a clean home. Having someone else clean my house would allow me the dual blessings of having a clean home AND the ability to follow my other interests, and believe me, I will pay you well. Bonus will be offered if you are immune to dog hair.

Bookkeeper

I will definitely need a bookkeeper, because tedium and numbers are not my thing. I would prefer you work from YOUR home and just check in with me by phone or in person once or twice a week. I would like for you to balance my checkbook, handle my investments (of which I currently have none, but this will change when I win the lottery and hire YOU) and most important of all, you must have a kind and charitable heart as well as tight lips, for I will ask you to help me pick good places to tithe and will want to know of persons in need, yet will prefer to donate anonymously. If you don't have a soft heart AND a head for numbers ... don't bother applying. Must be impervious to barking dogs.

Dog Groomer

Okay, here's the deal. You only have to groom seven dogs, (four Australian Shepherds and three Border Collies), but you have to keep them well groomed all the time, and this includes brushing their teeth, filing their nails and trimming their feet. If you're up for that, I will pay you whatever you ask ... but you had better be good to my dogs, (they had better LOVE being groomed by you!) ... and they had better look good all of the time. Because it embarrasses me terribly when they don't! Essential that you truly love dogs: mine will know if you're faking!

Gardener

I love digging in the dirt, but alas, I don't have the "vision". I can never figure out what will bloom when and I want everything to bloom ALL the time! (I'm pretty sure this happens in heaven, and also, that the flowers sing hymns, btw.) So, when I win the lottery, anyone who is folksy and warm and honest and who loves to dig in the dirt and doesn't mind talking to ignorant me about plants and colors and who CAN envision finished garden areas is more than welcome to apply to be the head gardener at "The Silk Purse" (see above). Warning: applicants must be willing to share digging duties with occasional litters of puppies.

Source

Chauffeur

I have decided that I'd like to have someone drive me around so that i no longer have to worry about it! Forget the stretch limo ... what I'd like is a nice customized van, one with a bed or sofa in the back. Ideally, I can catch up on my sleep while being driven to where I need to go! This would, indeed, be a luxury!

Finally ...

Stay tuned, there may be additional job openings, but for now, these are the ones that seem most important. In addition to your specific skills, you must be patient, kind, honest, and it is essential that you really, really, REALLY like dogs!

Comments

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    • Brett Winn profile imageAUTHOR

      Brett Winn 

      4 years ago from US

      And all of the above sounds lovely! I'll let you know if I win. I buy a ticket every week or two and have not won yet, don't know what I'm doing wrong, lol! ;)

    • Cathi Sutton profile image

      Cathi Sutton 

      4 years ago

      I would like to apply in advance for either chef, as long as an assistant dishwasher is hired as well, or gardener.

      My qualifications for chef include, but are not limited to:

      Pulling tasty meals together at breakneck speed.

      Making sure not to serve more than one starchy side dish per meal (not counting desert).

      Never bothering with too complicated recipes. (I tend to cook by smell).

      And I have perfected my "specialty" known near and far as Eat It and Shut Up. Bad as the name sounds, this dinnertime meal has been known to please and fill up a whole house full of hungry teenagers, with ease.

      With me as chef, your family could also enjoy, from time to time, foraged foods!

      My qualification for the job as gardener is my deep and abiding love for digging in the dirt!

      Please be advised I too plan to win the lottery, and reserve the right to withdraw my application upon my win.

      Great Hub! And all the best on catching the big bucks!

    • faith_love_hope32 profile image

      faith_love_hope32 

      6 years ago

      Lol I don't think so. That would be a genius invention though, wouldn't it? lol

    • Brett Winn profile imageAUTHOR

      Brett Winn 

      6 years ago from US

      I love the idea of a self cleaning litter box! Do they make such an apparatus for dogs, I wonder .... !?

    • faith_love_hope32 profile image

      faith_love_hope32 

      6 years ago

      This is really cute and I can relate to most of it, almost all of it, if I were to ever win the lottery lol. I know what you mean with the feeling of having to cook. I like to cook and love to try new recipes but some days I'm just not in the mood but we have to keep people fed.

      I feel like I'm constantly at the sink with dishes, in the basement doing laundry, cleaning up after cats ( I want a self cleaning litter box for Christmas! lol) and feeding people. I'm also an obsessive compulsive control freak though, so I probably wouldn't want to relinquish my rights to my kitchen. :)

    • Brett Winn profile imageAUTHOR

      Brett Winn 

      6 years ago from US

      pstraubie48 ... thank you for your sweet comment! It is fun to dream ... I don't buy tickets very often, but sometimes it's like the admission price to a fantasy!

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 

      6 years ago from sunny Florida

      I do so love this...you must have read my mind...the part about cleaning up before the maid is so true....when I lived in Japan I had a maid. And I hurried up and cleaned before she came. This is so cool..the way you have it all planned out. I hope you win!!! I would also like to win but the trick is, you have to buy tickets to win!!! Great read...voted p

    • Brett Winn profile imageAUTHOR

      Brett Winn 

      6 years ago from US

      I'm going to be the nicest "rich" person! ;)

    • profile image

      Grammas Corner 

      6 years ago

      Sounds like you've got this planned pretty well, best of luck with the lottery or ahhhh if only, if only, if only!

    • Brett Winn profile imageAUTHOR

      Brett Winn 

      6 years ago from US

      Thank you ... you get it! I'm paying for the dream!

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 

      6 years ago from West Virginia

      Voted up and all across Brett. Great article! We all share this dream with hopeful hearts. The money spent on tickets is well worth the dreaming!

    • Brett Winn profile imageAUTHOR

      Brett Winn 

      6 years ago from US

      jmckinny, yes! And I might need a pilot, too .... lol ....

    • jmckinny profile image

      jmckinny 

      6 years ago from Santa Barbara, CA

      ...also Driver and Executive Assistant.

    • Ardie profile image

      Sondra 

      6 years ago from Neverland

      Oh wow those are some beautiful pups! I laughed reading your reasons for each job opening because you sound JUST like me :)

    • Stephanie Henkel profile image

      Stephanie Henkel 

      6 years ago from USA

      What a great hub! Apparently, you and I would have a few of the same job openings as I like to cook (on occasion), love having a clean house (especially if someone else cleans it). Very nice angle on winning the lottery! Voted up, entertaining, fun and well written...well, voted UP on all the options available, anyway! and Shared. :)

    • Brett Winn profile imageAUTHOR

      Brett Winn 

      6 years ago from US

      RecruitmentTips ...I will definitely need a beer taster!

    • Brett Winn profile imageAUTHOR

      Brett Winn 

      6 years ago from US

      Geraldnduru ... don't know which would be greater ... the thrill of winning or the relief of ceasing striving in that particular way ....

    • RecruitmentTips profile image

      RecruitmentTips 

      6 years ago from Melbourne

      Great Hub!!! Beer Tester here I come...

    • Geraldnduru profile image

      Geraldnduru 

      6 years ago from Kenya

      great hub.people should plan how they are going to spend money before they earn it to avoid being carried away by the thrill of winning.

    • Brett Winn profile imageAUTHOR

      Brett Winn 

      6 years ago from US

      rebecca ... you've got a deal ... I hate shopping!

    • rebeccamealey profile image

      Rebecca Mealey 

      6 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

      I know. Hire me to do your shopping for you. I am really good at it (as long as it is someone else's $$$$$$)

    • Jynzly profile image

      Jenny Pugh 

      6 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      Just kidding, (about teaching job) been teaching high school and college and post graduate studies for almost 30 years...my eldest granddaughter is now in the university taking up Architecture...

      I was just riding on with you in your dream...I like your dream and am a dreamer as well...I also imagined that I was a 20-year old neophyte teacher who you might need as a tutor to your child...Peace.

    • Brett Winn profile imageAUTHOR

      Brett Winn 

      6 years ago from US

      pjpitts: I'm thinking I might need a personal travel agent, as well!

    • Brett Winn profile imageAUTHOR

      Brett Winn 

      6 years ago from US

      flagostomos ... love those job titles!!!

    • Brett Winn profile imageAUTHOR

      Brett Winn 

      6 years ago from US

      I am (thankfully) almost past the age of needing teachers ... 22 years of homeschooling and counting,but my youngest will be a senior next year! However, should I adopt any little ones, I'll keep you in mind! ;)

    • pjpitts profile image

      pjpitts 

      6 years ago from United States

      wonderful hub, youv'e got a great plan!! I like it! The latest twist I've added to my plan will be, for my two dogs, weekly or bi-weekly trips to the groomers (or the spa as we call it) and I'm going to buy a van with with cushy window seats just for them!

    • flagostomos profile image

      flagostomos 

      6 years ago from Washington, United States

      I am also a dreamer. I have my staff picked out for when I'm on top of a huge business including "BS advisor" and "ice cream runner".

      My mom would have loved a cook as well :D

    • Jynzly profile image

      Jenny Pugh 

      6 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      Great hub; do you hire teachers too? I am kind , patient...etal.

      Love this hub, am a dreamer myself; I voted up and interesting

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