Lame Excuses That Adult Slackers Use to Avoid Reporting For Work
What if this happened to you?
If someone were to ask you, "can you tell me please, just what is a slacker?" Could you give them a satisfying answer? I wonder about such things. Between fetching myself a third cup of fresh coffee and thinking-out an idea for a new hub, I let these ideas surface in my head and continue to nurture them throughout the night until sometime the next day when I feel like putting my thoughts into words.
Does all of this coffee-consumption and thinking make me a slacker?
You know that you haven't given me a satisfying answer yet, so be careful with your answer.
A slacker band discovered.
When asked 'please define a slacker,' do you take the route of most people and start yakking about guys or girls, probably high school or college age, laying against a wall or upon a sidewalk with earbuds dug into their ears listening to some "ear tarnish" who do not have a real record contract with a real record company, but lives on the hand-out's of it's few blind followers who are quick to say to those who say, "so this is a band?"
"Hey, you bet it's a band! They, uhhh, got guitars, uhhh, and stuff. They, like, played, uhhhh, like, a gig at a place last night, uhhh, "Paul's Purgatory," and made, like, $350.00 in tips from members of the crowd who were still awake!"
One slacker get a job. Wow!
That is one view of a slacker, but the slacker template I am aiming for are those who for some miraculous reason, got a decent office job that pays pretty good and well, I guess for the slacker, he learns the system of his company's sick days and personal days and how he can have one . . .if his reason is legitimate. That's the hook. So he soon makes fast friends with "Hal," the "secret office guru" of sick days and personal days and gets taught quickly which day is which. Our slacker friend is excited about getting some time off to just stay home on a Wednesday, smoke weed, play his untuned guitar, and pass from reality to a "Dimension of Daze," and finally passes out from ledge of just having a job is supremely-overwhelming.
The only thing our slacker friend has not mastered is the believable reasons why he must have a certain sick or personal day, so he forges ahead using excuses (seen below) and yes, he does get a lot of sick and personal days and finally, when the Human Resource Dept. investigates him, the find him at home passed out from drug abuse and they are so benevolent that they give the slacker all of the off-days he wants.
So like most See if you have ever heard any of these lame reasons why certain people just cannot report to to work:
A small sample of excuses made by slackers who do not want to work . . .
- "Like, I can't come into to work today because a horse is loose in my apartment."
- "I watched a hazing like last of a new pledge to the Library Club, and some feelings came up inside me like "can't you read?" and I need psychological help."
- "An elderly dog bit me last night, but it was only out of hunger."
- "My girlfriend needs me to go with her to the doctor to understand the term, "Pregnant."
- "I can't work today! Aretha Franklin's going to be the guest star on Ellen."
- "Like, this is so funny. "Pookie," and I were high last night, and like, he challenged me to see how many lug nuts I could eat in one minute. Like, he won, for I was deathly-sick. Those things won't stay down."
- "Uhhh, can you not hear me? I am telling you why I can't work today, but you aren't talking. Oh, I know! That space monster who attacked me and friends last night must have shot me with his "Silent Ray" gun making it impossible for people to hear me."
- "I think that my arms are both broken and there are no real doctors within driving distance."
- "A rude bully and his friends took my car while I was eating at our local Ding Dang Dorn Chinese restaurant. Like, he just walked up to me as I was going to get in and leave and told me that he wanted my car, so, like, I am not into fighting, so I gave it to him. No, he didn't have a gun. But the mean look on his face made up for it. Guess I am stuck at home drawing my check from you until I get a good car."
- "My highly-trained psychiatrist told me that "working" for your company or any company was lethal to my creative talents." I can, like prove it. Remember two weeks ago when you told me that I could not come to work in my Human Torch costume? I had my cell-phone set on record and got it all for a huge lawsuit and trial if I am harassed."
- "It is my religious right to observe "National Brotherhood Day," and by working would put my religious observance into a bad light. "What? Am I religious? No! But these people serve great Pita bread sandwiches."
- "A voice in my head told me last night around 11 p.m. to hitch-hike to Illinois."
- "I know that, like, I have been at your company for now going on four weeks, but I need some "me time," to get past this depression."
- "I recently discovered that I have a mental problem about remembering what time to wake up and get ready for work."
- "I have, like, real trouble remembering my name."
- "I have to give, "LeRoy," my African iguana a bath today."
- Later in the conversation.
Slacker: "Do what? Don't ever come back to our company? Oh, wow! You guys are so caring, so sensitive and what? No paycheck? You actually mean no pay?"