Reviving The Children's Birthday Clown Business
Bozo, the clown -- the World's Most-Famous Clown
Upgraded party clown
A big of birthday clown history
Today’s world is a cesspool of violence, racial leverage, racial tension, bigotry, and war. None of which are healthy. Every sect and faction on earth dreams of ruling and running someone’s life. And those in governments are bellowing, “Less government. More citizen input.” I’d pay a buck to see that show. And seemingly, each sunrise brings yet another drastic change by some drastic group quietly telling free people to either endure or swallow. Neither of which is smart.
Now that my personal political rant is over, I point to one establishment that hasn’t tasted change, drastic or otherwise For the most part, it remains the staple, a constant as it was when it was born out of necessity. I am rambling about children’s birthday clowns.
Easy money, you dream, just like the thousands of failures with stupid clown names as: “Bark-O,” “Mr.Sunshine,” and the forgettable, “Big Bouncy and His Trained Turtles.” Thinking now as a kid whom my parents has sprung for a clown to entertain me and my five friends at my sixth birthday party, “Big Bouncy and His Trained Turtles,” would be my “choice clown.” Even now, I wonder if “Big Bouncy,” really bounced?
Happily, not everyone is cut from the same clown-cloth. It that were possible, the world would be overrun by blabbering, horn-tooting birthday clowns. Being a children’s birthday clown is a tough gig, I don’t care who says differently. The down-side to being a birthday clown is that the more-successful you get, the funnier the routine you must provide at the next kid’s birthday party—for no kid with a birthday party loves a clown with dead material. Kids, contrary to some, can and do think.
If there be any children’s birthday clowns reading this piece, and you are experiencing a down-turn in business, it may be because you have lost “that” certain touch in being a true clown. Don’t beat yourself down. It happens to most clowns over a period of worn-out circus and birthday party performances.
I have sensible answers to your fixable-problem. I am (for most of each day) thinking of various ways to help the overlooked professionals such as yourself, the children’s birthday clown. I might write a piece giving career-saving help to Freelance Snake Charmers if I ever get the time. But this is “your” time, “Mr. or Ms. Children’s Birthday Clown.” Get ready to soak-up some genius clown strategies I am sharing today. (I used the term, “soak-up,” because I was thinking of good, country gravy being spooned over hot biscuits. I subconsciously insert food-related terms when I write and fighting hunger simultaneously).
Clown from the 1940's and 50's
Birthday clowns even perform at Buckingham Palace
Clown puppets in a Mexican celebration
A successful children's birthday party starts with a successful clown
Emmett Kelly as "Weary Willie"
Indonesian clown, Andri Hendri
The birthday clown business is no place for an amateur clown
Smiles on kids' faces are big rewards to a birthday clown
Birthday clowns: be alive--revive
I am "Reviving The Children’s Birthday Clown Business,” by advising you . . .
- BE A NATURAL – if you were born clumsy, great. Make this affliction work for you. When you do a series of magic tricks at a kid’s birthday party and spill the cards on a table, what do the children do? Laugh, that’s what. And you will, if you allow “this” part of you, clumsiness, to “run the show,” you will be referred to other children’s birthday parties. Fact: children do not look at a clown’s mastery of tricks, but when he falls or make stupid mistakes. Kids do not know how to be critical of clumsy clowns. Thank God.
- MAKE MAKE-UP MISTAKES -if you try to look perfect for your child client, you have messed-up “straight out of the gate.” If you really want smiles and laughs, create a new look by overdoing your eye-liner to where you look like a mutant raccoon. Wear only a half-wig allowing your naturally-bald head to shine. Put milk in your shoes and when you walk, kids’ sides will split when they hear that humorous “squish,” “squash,” and to top it off. Fall flat into a “fake” birthday cake face-first. Welcome back, happy, successful, Children’s Birthday Clown.
- HIRE A PRETTY GIRL – to assist you. Now she doesn’t have to talk that much, just coach the kids behind your back to laugh at you when you screw-up (on-purpose). Brief example: “Say, kids. Would ya’ like to see me make this motor oil disappear into this old floppy hat?” Your pretty girl assistant (behind your back) smiles and motions for the children to yell, “Yes!” Then you pretend to lose something and when you turn back to the table, your pretty girl assistant heaves the gallon or two of used motor oil into your face. What a hilarious sight—a children’s birthday clown with 30 weight oil dripping off his rubber nose.
- ADD A VICIOUS DOG – to the tip above. Now your act has a skit where you are a dog trainer, but the dog never cooperates, but (really) bites you in the legs or behind because he has been trained to do that. Your pretty girl assistant has him on a leash, so do not worry about him breaking-loose and biting the kids causing their parents to sue you. And before you add, “Willy Wolfie,” the short-tempered German Shepherd to your act, get your rabies shots first.
- FAULTY BICYCLE – is a fun way for you to get plenty of laughs from a crowd of kids. Intentionally tamper with your trick bicycle so it will fall to pieces when you are about to jump over five or six crates. Or you can fix it to where the seat explodes (with show-business explosives) sending up huge, scary billows of smoke and you getting up on the other side of the kid’s yard.
- THE BURST-THE-CLOWN’S FACE GAME – is an instant-hit with any kid having a backyard birthday party. Have your pretty girl assistant stand near a huge, round target with your face as the bulls eye. “Willy Wolfie,” will not have a role in this extremely-funny gag. Your pretty girl assistant will “work the crowd” of kids who are already hyped-up on sugary treats and birthday cake into an “energy frenzy,” trying to hit you with raw Idaho potatoes, lemons, Washington apples, slices of watermelon, and fresh cantaloupe. Sure the licks from the produce might sting some, but your pretty girl assistant will keep the kids in check.
- THE AMERICAN PARATROOPER GAME – is really simple to do. Just get yourself an old, worn-out parachute which are available at any dive school and you can get them for mere pennies, and have your pretty girl assistant to ask the kids, “Would you like to see “Larry, The Paratrooper,” jump from way up there (on the roof of the kid’s house) and see him glide to the ground?” What adventurous-buck-of-a-boy wouldn’t love to see this breath-taking sight? Well, the kids’ breath will be gone when you yell, “Here comes, Larry, The American Paratrooper,” and slam into the ground like a dead tree. Do not take-on so. Your costume will be packed with layers of foam-rubber and sponges, so the injuries will be minimal.
- BOXING ROBOT – is a new game to the Children’s Birthday Clown Business. It requires a clown who is tough and can take a certain degree of physical punishment. Your pretty girl assistant tells the kids that you, “Champ, The Clown,” will go a few rounds with “Rowdy Robot,” who has been programmed to box just like Floyd “Money” Meriweather. Your close clown-friend, “Ed,” who is temporarily out of work is inside this old-fashioned robot that would be right at home in any horror film of the 1950’s. But things go terribly wrong. “Ed,” drinks heavily most of the time due to depression and today is no different. “I’m getting twenty-lousy-bucks to be a stupid robot,” he complains to your pretty girl assistant who doesn’t tell you of his sorrow, but soon you would have given every penny in your bank account if she had told you what “Ed,” was planning. After your pretty girl assistant tells the kids what you are going to do, the fun begins. You jab, bob and weave, giving the illusion that you are really boxing this scary machine. Then without hesitation, the robot bursts your left jaw knocking you out cold. And the kids go wild.
So does “Ed,” who grabs your pretty girl assistant and they run off together possibly to Mexico where there is a new appreciation for old robots with pretty girls to entertain during rounds at the local cockfights.
I never said boosting your clown business was going to be easy.