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Updated on July 24, 2009

Desk Rage: When Coworkers Go Bad



As everyone knows by now, I am a LEO, and there is the good, bad, and the ugly officer--as with any job. In my particular office, there are some larger than life egos and personalities that really eat at me. I am referring to those that are completely void of any human characteristics and were probably raised by pack animals. Here are a few examples of the kinds of jerks in my office, although there are more I am sure if they ever showed up to work long enough for me to know them! (note: he/she is used interchangeably and is not an actual reflection of which gender does what-anyone can behave this way!)



  • acts sweetly in front of everyone, especially in front of the boss,then back-stabs them.
  • ambitious and will stop at nothing to achieve career enlightenment and goals even if you are in the way.


  • he spends a lot of time chatting with the bosses and other coworkers.
  • helps the boss put together his workout machine or something that is outside of work related duties.
  • he does not get along often with other secretaries or assistants. They complain that he tells them what to do, or has a bad attitude towards them.
  • he is the type of person who knows everyone and everything, or at least thinks he does.
  • he is arrogant, a womanizer, loves to chat and joke around, but at the same time, he is smart, and has relevant experience.
  • she wears flip flops to a parole hearing, which is a huge policy violation/safety hazard. But, she is quick to point out everyone else's faults.
  • no one questions this coworker because she is either married to the boss, sleeping with the boss, or related to the boss.


  • she gets angry with everyone because they don’t want to be around her on a personal level.
  • this person constantly throws her co-workers “under the bus.”
  • he is the type of person that blows everything out of proportion and never takes responsibility for his actions.
  • we are also dealing with the “halo” effect in this case, since her supervisor doesn’t hold her accountable.


  • everything is doing great, and the friendship seems solid. Just then you are called into the boss's office and realize all the personal information your "friend" knew about you has been skewed and taken out of proportion and you get canned.
  • he makes you feel guilty for not doing his work or tries to blackmail you.
  • you end up having a Scarlet Letter, or being banned to Corporate Siberia because of this jerk.


Stress Relief: How to Annoy The Shit Out of Your Coworker

  • Click long nails on your keyboard or desk when waiting for something to finish
  • Clip toenails and make sure the shards hit the unsuspecting coworker in the face
  • Burn popcorn in the microwave early in the day so it lingers the rest of the day
  • Hide old canned cat food by your coworker
  • Have extended non-work related conversations on the phone: hemorrhoids and your ailing parent are good subjects. If you work in an office where a majority is one gender, discuss the opposite gender's health problems at length.
  • Staple reports in the wrong corner
  • Use too many brads or clips
  • Put tape over mouse optics
  • Put apple juice in a urine analysis cup, put offender's name on the cup, and place on your co worker's desk
  • Talk in a funny accent
  • Put the volume on your phone all the way up, better yet, use the speaker phone for every conversation
  • Glue the mouse to the desk
  • Un-plug the co worker's monitor
  • Empty out the coworker's office Friday evening
  • Chant, "I got mail!" every time something is in your inbox
  • Misplace people's pens or steal them
  • "Forget" to take food home and leave it in the fridge
  • Sing show tunes
  • Leave your cell phone on at the loudest volume, choose a hideous ring tone (see below), and be out of your office for hours
  • After every loud slurp of coffee, say "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
  • Print out phony pink slips and put them in a few people's mailbox
  • Insert a floppy disk before they turn their computer on
  • Walk around the office barefoot
  • Hang up the phone before saying goodbye
  • Turn up the contrast on their monitor
  • Put salt on some one's mouse pad, or salt in the sugar bowl next to the coffee
  • Replace caffeneited coffee with decaf
  • Send flowers from one coworker to another
  • Use goofy event sounds for your programs on your computer
  • Repeat everything, or ask same questions over and over in a meeting
  • Set off the alarm off and on through the day
  • Swap coworkers' chairs
  • Set a password on some one's screen savers
  • Eat half of someone's lunch
  • Smirk when someone goes by
  • Buy an annoy-a-tron – “The Annoy-a-tron generates a short (but very annoying, hence the name) beep every few minutes. Your unsuspecting target will have a hard time 'timing' the location of the sound because the beeps will vary in intervals ranging from 2 to 8 minutes. The 2kHz sound is generically annoying enough, but if you really want to aggravate somebody, select the 12 kHz sound. Trust us. The higher frequency and slight 'electronic noise' built into that sound byte will make a full-grown Admin wonder where his packets are.” (From the – one of the coolest websites ever)
    Step 2 – Place the annoy-a-tron in a secret hiding place such as between the cubical of a co-worker who drives you crazy and flip the switch.
    Step 3 – Make sure you point out the noise to the co-worker. They all of a sudden hear a beep every few minutes and they start to thrash around a little bit after every beep, desperately trying to locate the offender – is it a fax? A computer? A Phone? Oh the possibilities.
  • Carry on a conversation with someone two doors/cubes down
  • Listen to comedy tracks and laugh hysterically throughout the day
  • Program your phone with odd and annoying ring tones( see below)
  • Leave your garbage in other people's cans
  • It ll the floor buttons in the elevators
  • Flip the left and right mouse button defaults
  • Take the ball out of the mouse
  • Repeat everything, or ask same questions over and over in a meeting
  • Eat sunflower seeds and inconspicuously leave a few on the floor near your coworker
  • Make hissing sounds or snort and cough a lot
  • Insist on people having a good morning
  • Answer people's questions with non-relevant information
  • Tell a long story without a point
  • Tell your coworker you liked their hair better last week
  • Use all the coffee and leave dribbles in the pot
  • Jam up someone's inbox with spam and forwarded emails
  • Type loudly
  • Wear too much cologne/perfume
  • Repeat everything, or ask same questions over and over in a meeting
  • Be overly nice
  • Juggle office supplies and keep dropping them near your coworker
  • Hide whiteboard erasers
  • Come to work sick
  • Write all memos on obnoxiously loud colors of paper
  • Shake up cans of pop in the fridge
  • Leave fingerprints (or what looks like urine) on the copy machine
  • Use the intercom to page yourself
  • Read your emails out loud
  • Leave the fridge open
  • Repeat everything, or ask same questions over and over in a meeting
  • Chew gum really loud
  • Give a pistol wink every time you walk by them
  • Wear loud colors
  • Regularly update people on the weather
  • Answer your phone during meetings
  • Peer over the cube and stare at your coworker
  • Whistle all day long
  • Tell the same story over and over
  • Repeat everything, or ask same questions over and over in a meeting
  • Schedule meetings at 4 PM and then leave before the meeting begins
  • Leave a lobby full of offenders and go home, forcing other officers to see them
  • Repeat everything, or ask same questions over and over in a meeting
  • Do weird walking around the office
  • Imitate normal sounds like cars driving and door slamming
  • Talk to the monitor as if it is a person
  • Stick pencils to the coworkers' ceilings
  • Repeat everything, or ask same questions over and over in a meeting
  • Sneak up behind someone

Great Pranks....


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    • Ivorwen profile image

      Ivorwen 7 years ago from Hither and Yonder

      I don't have coworkers. I have children, and yet I get this type of aggravation every day! Especially that 'ask the same question over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again', multiple times a day.

    • profile image

      Chris 8 years ago

      If you are doing this stuff, then there is a good chance that someone at your office has pissed you off. If someone pisses you off at work, just go to bashyourcoworker dot com and get even without having to worry about retaliation...

    • profile image

      LB 8 years ago

      Fart when your co-worker stalks you in the washroom.

    • Drew Breezzy profile image

      Drew Breezzy 8 years ago from somewhere in my mind

      "after every loud slurp of coffee, say "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

      haha best for sure!

    • profile image

      SieMyst 8 years ago

      I mean After all they are our government So since' There just like us, it must be fine;/

      Also I Suggest and organized liberty guaranteed by with the real voice of the people and verses the incorrect version of the framers of our Constitution and there ability to manipulate it in with it oppress the people they are sworn to protect and the sons of liberty will guarantee the real one that defends the meaning and conscience values of what it stands for witch is us. excuse my spelling I am not as perfect as you yet'

    • profile image

      SieMyst 8 years ago

      I can also realate this whith our own government'

    • railyriks profile image

      railyriks 8 years ago

      Great article,it had me roflmao

    • AsherKade profile image

      AsherKade 8 years ago from Texas

      Gerard: EGGGGGGGGGGGG-zactly!

    • Gerard Daniels profile image

      Gerard Daniels 8 years ago

      AsherKade says:

      9 hours ago

      Since I have a para-military job....It would never work Gerard. Just to take a shit, it has to go through Austin, then a whole bunch of suits, then supers, then some guy you never heard of, then a formal letter explaining your rights when shitting.


      Ah, the " fill out in triplicate and we'll get right back to you" routine. i know of places like this. Places that have TP so thin it only has one side. :)

      Best to go potty before you head out for work so you can use the time to irritate other co-workers.

    • profile image

      \Brenda Scully 8 years ago


    • AsherKade profile image

      AsherKade 8 years ago from Texas

      Since I have a para-military job....It would never work Gerard. Just to take a shit, it has to go through Austin, then a whole bunch of suits, then supers, then some guy you never heard of, then a formal letter explaining your rights when shitting.

    • Gerard Daniels profile image

      Gerard Daniels 8 years ago

      too funny. I think i work with you :)

      i have one to add if i may:

      :) send a memo to employee stating that there is a 5:30 AM meeting before the start of the day. this works... so i was told. i wasn't going to be there that early to see for myself ;)

    • dohn121 profile image

      dohn121 8 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      HOLY SH*T! This was hilarious! I just might put my fanny back in an office JUST so I can try some of this stuff...And then get fired. Oh well :P