ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Best Way To Quit... EVER! (Part 1 of the Restaurant Chronicles)

Updated on September 16, 2009

"Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member." - Groucho Marx

It's no secret that in the culinary industry, employees sometimes come and go faster than the urinal cakes get changed in the men's restroom. Waitrons are expected to work for tips, are forced to work weekends and holidays, must deal with surly kitchen staff and live with the realization that there really are no valid employment advancment opportunities to speak of. Often times, the waitron will be fair and honest with the employer when resigning (sometimes they even give a full two weeks notice), while other times they simply stop showing up to work and screen their calls until the employer finally gets the hint. There does exist, however, the legendary "Flair" quitter. I believe it was John Wayne who coined the term "Over my dead body" regarding the fact that if he was going out, it was going to be in style. The "Flair" quitter lives up to this credo and the more memorable, the better!

Meet Victor. Victor was one of the most dedicated waiters I've ever had the privilage to work with but unfortunately became a pawn in a restaurant group takeover that resulted in him (as well as the rest of us) having to deal with a new owner who was busy killing the restaurant with his strange business ethics and behavior. I plan to talk about him at great length in a later hub but in a nutshell, he tried changing the menu from successful Italian to Lebonese and fired virtually my entire kitchen staff to make room for his cooks (they never showed up). When the restaurant was busy being a successful neighborhood Italian joint, Victor was the lead waiter/FOH manager but once the new owner (let's call him Arturo) started to make his changes, the customers vanished and Victor was quickly demoted to simply "waiter." He was upset with what was happening and he and I talked at great length many times about the fate of the restaurant and the strange behavior Arturo was exhibiting. Beyond just firing 80% of the staff and trying to force a bunch of loyal Italian customers to eat schwerma and lentils, he was too cheap to put his elderly mother in a home or even elderly day-care. That meant that "Momma" was parked on table 39 from ten a.m. when Arturo arrived until two a.m. the next morning. Of course, she did take the occasional potty-break and one of Victor's new job responsibilities included taking her for a mid-afternoon stroll around the parking lot before dinner service. Being the "yes-man" that he was, he approached this uncomfortable and awkward task with aplomb and professional courtesy - however, Momma didn't like him at all... and even though she didn't speak any English was able to make it very aware to everyone that she, in fact, hated Victor. I do have to hand it to Victor, though. If it were myself in that situation, I would have put my foot down long before. One fateful Saturday afternoon, Arturo called Victor into the office and proceeded to demote him to bus-boy. Even though Victor had exhibited extreme adaptability to the situation and had planned to stick it out until the restaurant group realized that Arturo needed to go, enough was enough. Even though I had no idea about the content of the fateful meeting until Victor and I shared a commiserary binge and resulting hangover later, Arturo had the nerve to remind Victor that Momma needed a walk. Before Victor went to Momma's table, though, he came to me in the kitchen and asked if he could have a steak - any type of steak. Assuming he was hungry, I asked him how he wanted it cooked (through all the B.S., I fed Victor... he deserved at least that much). He told me that he just wanted a raw steak, and the bigger the better. I asked what he was up to and he just repeated that he needed a raw steak immediately so out of a sense of morbid curiousity, I gave him one of the 14 ounce rib-eyes I had cut for dinner service that night and watched in horror as he put half of it between his belt and his pants in the front. He then walked out to table 39 with this raw bloody hunk of meat hanging out of his crotch and right in front of Momma, put his hands on his hips, thrust them out and yelled in a loud booming voice, "MY NAME IS BEEF-PANTS!" before grabbing the piece of meat and slapping it down on the table in front of Momma. She was visibly shocked and Victor put his hands on the table, leaned in and looked her straight in the face and said "How do you say 'I quit' in Lebonese?" Arturo, meanwhile, had seen all of this and started after Victor yelling about how he was fired and he'd never work anywhere again and Victor walked calmly to the door all the while with Arturo's forehead turning purple from anger. Once Victor reached the door, he turned around and grabbed Arturo's face with his two hands and planted a kiss right on his lips. Arturo went ballistic at that point and started screaming all sorts of obsceneties about homosexuals (Victor wasn't gay by the way, just pushed WAY too far) and less than a month later, Arturo disappeared in the middle of the night with half of the leased restaurant equipment and leaving all the employees without jobs (or their final paychecks). I guess that if you're planning to quit, you should really plan it out so that nobody ever forgets! Victor and I lost touch a few years back but I'd work with him in a heart-beat again if given the opportunity.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)