Top Five Ways To Quit Your Job: Creative ways to hand your notice in
"That's it! I quit!"
Has you workplace ever left you wanting to just throw your paperwork in the air, send a right-hook flying towards your boss's chin and storm out in a whirlwind of rage?
If so, you're not alone - but before you act on impulse and quit your job like that, remember this: Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Below are 5 creative, fun and oh-so-satisfying ways of leaving your job. Each requires a little planning, and it's worth noting that if you ever intend on returning to the same place of work (or for that matter getting a good reference), then these methods are probably not the best way to go. You've been warned.
1. The Letter of Resignation
A letter is the standard way to quit your employment. Sure, you might drop hints or even tell your boss you're leaving - but until you hand that letter, it's never (usually) official.
Why not take advantage of this formality?
Rather than use it to spout some woolly fluff like "it is with deepest regret that I inform you of my intent to part from the employ of your company", use it instead to politely (yet firmly) list all of the completely honest reasons why you're leaving. I don't want to stifle your creativity by telling you what to say... but it could begin a little something like this:
"Dear (ex)boss (or this is also a good place to insert any nickname you've used for him/her behind his/her back)
It is with the deepest regret that I have come to realize I am still under your employment. I am therefore writing this letter of formality to inform you of my joy, pleasure and happiness at the prospect of leaving to seek more meaningful employment elsewhere.
Although this may come across as a personal attack, I'd like to reassure you that it isn't - I'm sure that in your personal life you're a lovely person who actually does know how to treat others with respect..."
Well, you get the point. Of course, you could always hire a professional writer to do the dirty work for you...
2. The Flash Mob
Ever seen a flash mob in action?
A flash mob is a large group of people who all rehearse a sequence together and then at a certain signal perform it in public. I've embedded a Youtube video as an example on the right.
So, why not get all your other workmates (or even hire a professional flashmob) to suddenly start singing and dancing right in the middle of the office?
You can even customize the lyrics to sing to your boss exactly why you're throwing in the towel.
Then, part way through, let the flash mob part leaving a clear path for you to walk straight to the exit. You might want to flip your boss off on the way out.
3. The Men in White Coats
Ever heard the song by Dr Demento (they're coming to take me away ha-haa...)?
If not, you can listen to a re-done version of it using the Youtube link on the right. While you're enjoying a bloody good song, I'm going to tell you a bloody good way of quitting your job.
OK, so you don't have to actually get yourself institutionalised... but on the day you intend to quit, start acting a little odd.
Perhaps start by muttering to yourself at your desk, and increase the intensity as the day goes on. Bark at your boss. Start chewing paper. Then, at a planned moment, have 2 of your friends from out of your workplace come in wearing white coats, approach your manager to have a brief word, then come and fit you in a straight jacket and pull you off the premises. Works a treat every time!
4. The Competition
This method only works if there is more than one person looking to quit the job.
The idea is, you don't quit - instead you get fired. The aim of the game is to be the first person to get fired. You can play with any number of people from 2 upward, but it's usually best to set some rules. For example:
1. You can't do anything illegal (like killing your boss. You'd win too easily.)
2. You can't tell your superiors what you're trying to achieve
3. Everybody can throw in some cash and the first person to get fired takes the lot
The more people you have playing, the funnier (and more chaotic) this can become - be careful.
5. The Great Escape
This method works best if you're quitting because you've recently won the lottery or come into a large inheritance (the reason being is you may have to repair significant damage as well as paying for a helicopter).
Step One: Hire a helicopter and crew
Step Two: Arrive at work early, climb on top of the building and cut a large hole (using power tools) directly above where you sit
Step Three: Cover the hole with a board
Step Four: Go to work
Step Five: Halfway through the day, have your team bring the helicopter to your place of work. When you hear it approaching, play some music (optional), have somebody kick the board from the hole and then have the helicopter crew throw a rope through the hole which you will grab and fly up up and away to freedom.