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We All See The Faces You’re Making But You See We Think You’re The Asshole

Updated on May 12, 2009


I don’t know if you’ve ever had this experience but I’ve had it more than once and I for one have had enough. Have you ever been in a grocery store or somewhere on a line where you have to pay the cashier and there’s a problem of some sort? Of course you have. Well the person who is having the problem (either brought up an item without a price tag on it, thinks it should be on sale when it didn’t ring up that way, or whatever) or the person with the person who is having the problem starts making faces and guttural noises to the other people in line? Oh not to apologize for the holdup but instead to make faces like a four year old not getting their way, in a sort of berating way toward the cashier? I recently experienced this and I just wanted to let the guy know that yes, we all see the faces you’re making but you see we think you’re the asshole! – Don’t Get Me Started!

I think it was at a Walmart (should I lie to make you think I don’t shop in such ordinary places) and there was some sort of problem. The cashier needed to bring over another cashier and the woman who was paying seem to be okay with the proceedings however the man with her (who could have been a boyfriend, a friend, her husband or her baby’s daddy) started in. First there was the huge exhale as his arms were thrown from beside his head down past his waist as if he had been slimed and was trying to get the gunk off. He did it so hard that it threw him off balance a bit and he had to walk around in a circle on himself to sort of play it off. I’ll admit that I was third back in this line, it had been going on for about five minutes and now I had four or five people behind me. I’m not a patient person but somehow when I see a moron like this making a complete ass out of himself I enter a Zen like state and become as calm as a calculated killer. As I stared at the guy with my eyes boring through his soul (imaginary of course but still feels good) I could feel my blood pressure lowering and I suddenly didn’t care how long I had to wait as long as it held this guy up too. Next up was him looking back at the long line and acting as if he was annoyed that there were so many people being held up supposedly by this cashier. As if he gives a rat’s ass that we’re all waiting. I hardly think he’s going to wait until the now sixth person behind me gets to the front of the line so that he can make a new friend. And finally the tapping of the foot with his head up to the ceiling as both he and everyone in line imagine him as Yosemite Sam with cartoon smoke coming from his ears.

The thing that these jerks don’t realize is that they are not making the cashier or the store look badly, instead they’re making me think that this is a person I wouldn’t ever want anything to do with, ever. And does this little act of theirs elicit laughs from their audience of friends and family? (And if so, I need to know who these friends and family are too because I want nothing to do with them either) But perhaps I’m taking this too personally because I’ve been where the cashier is in these situations. I’ve had a register (as we used to call it back in the day before it became a POS – Point Of Sale) where the computer system wasn’t working correctly. I’ve had the slimy asshole making noises in front of me treating me as a subhuman because I couldn’t fix the problem myself or make things go faster for them. I empathize with these cashiers and guess what? So should all of you. Haven’t we all had a bad day at work where nothing we do seems to go right? And isn’t it sometimes something beyond our control? For those of you who don’t work retail (or never have) you may not get it but let me put it this way for you – you have a major presentation due and your computer crashes. You have to call someone from the IT department to fix your computer meanwhile your boss is in your office trying to weigh the options and figure out if the presentation can be put off to another day, knows they’re going to have a meeting with the IT department to see how to get everything stored on the server and not everyone’s own computers to avoid this in the future and all the while there’s a guy from accounting who was also supposed to be in the meeting and he’s acting like the guy from Walmart. If you’re above the first floor, I dare you not to throw him out a window.

Look, I get frustrated too (look at the freaking title of my blog for crap sake) but I get more frustrated with rude people than the situation or the person who perhaps has had little training who is trying to solve the problem. To quote Shakespeare, “The fault dear Brutus is not in our stars but in ourselves that we are underlings.” I don’t know if we’re underlings but I wish we could at least be kinder to the people waiting on us. Yes, we all see the faces you’re making but you see we think you’re the asshole! – Don’t Get Me Started!

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