How to Confront With Skill

Few people really like to, or feel comfortable with confronting issues directly. This discomfort usually comes from not really knowing how to confront the conflict situation without making it worse. I completely understand that concern. Still, we have to learn how to confront with skill if we want to resolve conflicts and build relationships.

This lens offers specific communication tips you can use to confront skillfully to resolve conflicts quickly.

Photo courtesy of www.sxc.hu

Assertive communication lies in the middle zone between aggressive communication on one extreme and passive communication on the other. When you communicate assertively, you communicate your thoughts, wishes, desires, feelings, and thoughts without stepping on another person. You own your emotions without blaming anyone else for what you feel. You accept responsibility, and you hold other accountable. Unconditional respect for everyone (both you and the other person) forms the foundation for effective and assertive communication.

• Use "I" statements.

• Focus on behaviors.

• Keep responses short.

• Monitor your tone of voice.

• Watch non-verbal messages.

• Listen!

• Maintain eye contact.

• Respect the other person.

For example:

1. "When you speak to me that way, I feel disrespected."

2. "When you point at me, I feel threatened."

3. "When you raise your voice, I feel afraid."

4. "When you slam the door, I feel angry."

What if? Does their response really matter?

Your responsibility is to get the conflict out into the open so that it can be resolved. You have no control over the other person. Just do the best you can to find the assertive middle ground between passivity and aggression. Then, let the "chips fall where they may."

Here's a possible outcome to your confrontation statement.

They might say, "Well, you shouldn't feel/think that."

You can say, "You may be right, and I still feel the way I feel. Thank you for listening."

If you continue to respectfully confront issues without getting drawn in to an angry or overly emotional response, most people will start to get the point and respect your position. Some won't. Most will.