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Funny Money

Updated on January 3, 2013

Welcome to Funny Money!

This light-hearted lens is devoted to all manner of miscellaneous mirth regarding moola matters.

After all, doesn't money grease the palms of politicians and make the world go round?

Speaking of money, does it really grow on trees? Have you ever heard money talk? Why do some folks always want to pinch pennies, pay a penny for your thoughts, or put their two-cents in but never ever pick up the tab? And, come to think of it, does paying through the nose, sacrificing an arm and a leg, or being strapped for cash while still in school constitute a form of corporal punishment?

If you don't know the answer to these simple yet curious questions, perhaps you need a primer on poking fun at pelf itself!

The Art of Making Money (The Origami Way) - Or how to grab the boots off the Elf in the Snow Bank.

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Image Credit: www.thetaoofmakingmoney.com 2007/02/27

"Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies." (...isn't that the truth!)

-- Thomas Jefferson, one of the founding fathers of the United States of America --

WHERE DO ELVES KEEP THEIR MONEY? IN SANTA'S SNOW BANK SILLY! (Image Credit: sugarpacketchad@flickr.com)

WHERE DO ELVES KEEP THEIR MONEY? IN SANTA'S SNOW BANK SILLY! (Image Credit: sugarpacketchad@flickr.com)
WHERE DO ELVES KEEP THEIR MONEY? IN SANTA'S SNOW BANK SILLY! (Image Credit: sugarpacketchad@flickr.com)

You Know What They Say About Economists:

"If all the economists were laid end to end, they'd never reach a conclusion. -- George Bernard Shaw, 20th century British author, playwright and satirist

"If the nation's economists were laid end to end, they would point in all directions." -- Arthur H. Motley, 20th century business exeacutive and publisher

"The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." --Jean-Paul Kauffmann, French author and journalist

"An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible." -- Alfred A. Knopf

"I once met an economist who believed that everything was fungible for money, so I suggested he enclose himself in a large bell-jar with as much money as he wanted and see how long he lasted." -- Amory Lovins, American environmentalist, Chairman and Chief Scientist at the Rocky Mountain Institute

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY...FUNNY MONEY

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

-- Errol Flynn, American actor --

FUNNY FINANCIAL TERMS

The world may be going to heck in a handbasket but that's just grist for the mill of mirthful moneybags.

So, in case your broker is bamboozling you with waffling words, here's what they all mean:

Advertisement: A tool used by business to get money out of people that don't have it, for something that they don't need.

Alimony: Two person mistake paid by one.

Auditor: Person that arrives after battle to finish off the wounded.

Bank: A place that will lend you money (and an umbrella insurance plan) only when you don't need it.

Bear Market: Eight months when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

Broker: The person that you trust with thousands of your hard earned dollars. Hello!

Broker: What my broker has made me or Poorer than you were last year.

Budget: Written proof that you can't afford the things you want.

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO: Chief Fraud Officer.

Day Trader: A more socially acceptable gambling addict.

Discounted Stock: A stock that is less expensive than last month and more expensive than it will be next month.

EBIT: Earnings before irregularities and tampering.

EBITDA: Earnings before I tricked the dumb auditor.

EPS: Eventual Prison Sentence.

FRS: Fantasy Reporting Standards.

Institutional Investor: An incompletely successful investor who is now locked up in a mental institute.

Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.

Momentum Investing: The fine art of buying high and selling low.

P/E Ratio: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

Profit: A man that prays to God.

Standard and Poor (S&P): Your life in a nutshell.

Stock Analyst: The idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Stock Market Correction: The term your broker uses for a financial market crash.

Stock Split: When your former wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.

Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower.

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Image Credit: Chud Tsankov Illustrations@flickr.com

Source for financial terms: www.woopidoo.com

SASSY SYNONYMS FOR COLD HARD CASH

Image Credit: nomissaday at flickr.com

Any way you slice it, this bread is worth a lot of dough!

So, when you run out of words to describe that cold hard cash you're carrying around in your pocket or purse, try these on your friends or foes for a change:

ackers, Almighty Dollar, bacon, baksheesh, banknotes, bankroll, beans, beer-tokens, Benjamins, big ones, bills, boodle, booty, brass, bundle, bread, bucks, buckshee, cabbage, cake, cha ching, cheddar, cheese, chips, clams, coin, c-notes, cream, dibs, dinero, dosh, dough, ducats, duckets, feds, flow, folding stuff, frozen assets, gelt, glacier gold, gravy, greenbacks, jack, kale, king's ransom, kitty, legal tender, lettuce, lolly, long green, loot, lucre, luka, mazumah, megabucks, mint, moolah, oil of palm, oscar, pelf, pesos, pile, plaster, quid, readies, rhino, roll, sawbucks, scratch, scrip, sheets, shekels, silver, simoleons, skins, squirt, smackers, smackerels, smackeroos, spondulicks, sugar, swag, ten spots, tin, wad, wampum, wonga

"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy."

(Groucho Marx)

A LAUGHABLE LOAN

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone."

"Money can't buy friends, but it can get a better class of enemy."

(Spike Milligan, American comedian)

A MIRTHFUL MONEY MELODY

Bearish bodies will adore this lovely little lullaby.

Funny Money Shop - You'll be laughing all the way to the bank!

Governments may be printing bills to get out of debt, but maybe they should issue funny funny money instead!

Set of 10 Bills-Fairies Million Dollar Bill
Set of 10 Bills-Fairies Million Dollar Bill

Forget about "fairy dust" when you can have a Million Dollar Bill made by some very merry munchkins!

 
Play Money Black Microfiber Tie
Play Money Black Microfiber Tie

For those who love "Monopoly" but can't afford to buy "Park Place"!

 

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart."

-- e.e. cummings (1894-1962), American poet, painter, essayist, author, and playwright

BARGAIN-BASEMENT BROKE

"Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears."

-- Robert W. Sarnoff (1918-1997), media executive --

PUTTING THE FUN IN "FUNNY MONEY"!

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Image Credit: Vimrod cartoon created by Ralph Lazar & Lisa Swerling - vimrod.com

MIRTH AND MONEY GO HAND IN HAND

Who says money doesn't make the world go round?

Here are a few wacky words of wisdom when it comes to knowing the value of money, and how to save it for a rainy day, or spend it like there's no tomorrow:

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping." -- Bo Derek, American film star

"I am determined that my children should have no financial security. It ruins people not having to earn money." -- Nigella Lawson, British food writer and broadcast personality

"Always borrow from a pessimist, he doesn't expeact to be paid back." -- Author Unknown

"Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." -- John Paul Getty, 20th century American philanthropist

"When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion." -- Voltaire, 18th century French essayist, philosopher and satirical writer.

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." -- Author Unknown

"It frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." -- Groucho Marx, 20th century American entertainer and humorist

"I am having an out of money experience." -- Author Unknown

"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. -- Aristotle Onassis, 20th century Greek shipping magnate

In the old days a man who saved money was a miser; nowadays he's a wonder." -- Author Unknown

"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -- Bob Dylan, American singer and composer, from "It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)"

"France is a country where the money falls apart in your hands and you can't tear the toilet paper." -- Billy Wilder, American film director

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something." -- Jackie Mason, U.S. comedian

"From birth to eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, a gal needs personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash!" -- Sophie Tucker, American entertainer

No wonder they stole the shirts off his back!

Whatcha mean money-laundering means never being left to hang out to dry?

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Image Credit: Orgimai money at cordobo.com

SUB-PRIME SNICKERS

Does the "sub-prime mortgage" mess leave you scratching your head ...maybe this entertaining explanation will help!

FUNNY MONEY BOOKS & BUMPF

Funny Money Folds for Kids
Funny Money Folds for Kids

For those who have enough money to fold it into really neat things!

 
Funny Money: From Billionaires to Bankrupts
Funny Money: From Billionaires to Bankrupts

Will answer that age-old question, "Do people really laugh themselves all the way to the bank?"

 
Talking Funny for Money: An Introduction to the Cartoon/Character/Looping Area of Voice-Overs Book with 2 CDs
Talking Funny for Money: An Introduction to the Cartoon/Character/Looping Area of Voice-Overs Book with 2 CDs

If money could talk it, it might tell you to quit complaining and learn how to talk funny for money honey!

 
Funny Money
Funny Money

For funny folks who want to do more than count bills for a change!

 
BigMouth Inc. Fanny Bank Funny Farting Bank
BigMouth Inc. Fanny Bank Funny Farting Bank

The "Fanny Bank" may be the best way to save money, since you can't trust the government to save your butt in this debt crisis.

 

SMILE IF YOU'VE GOT NO SMACKAROOS!

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Image Credit: Vimrod cartoon created by Ralph Lazar & Lisa Swerling - vimrod.com

DID YOU KNOW?

"There's more Monopoly Money printed every year than real money!"

A DELIGHTFUL DEPRESSING DITTY

When the market's underperforming, why not toss your troubles away with this upbeat tune.

THE ART OF MAKING MONEY (The Origami Way) - And, if you don't want it to shrink, take it to the cleaners!

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Image Credit: www.thetaoofmakingmoney.com 2007/02/27

MAKING A MOCKERY OF MONEY

Zimbabwe, a small nation, once known as the bread basket of Africa, today has the world's highest rate of inflation (at 2.2 million per cent, but unofficially much higher).

To cope with the staggering rate of inflation, the central bank of Zimbabwe has just announced the issue of some new mind-boggling money, the world's first $100 billion-bank note. (The Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe released six other high-value notes earlier this year, including a $50-billion note in May.)

In a country wracked by violence and poverty since its independence from Britain in 1980, the new bank note will be sufficient to buy four oranges but not enough to purchase two loaves of bread.

In this once prosperous country in Southern Africa, the average family requires Z$14 trillion a month to buy basic goods and services.

SASSY SOPHIE SAYS IT ALL!

"From birth to 18 a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35, she needs good looks. From 35 to 55, good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash. I'm saving my money."

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-- Sophie Tucker (1884-1966), American singer and comedian --

If money can't buy happiness, you know that you can always kiss my tiara instead.

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Image Credit: smallish fish at flickr.com

GREEN-BACK GRIPES AND GROOVY GREETINGS - For those who adore pinching pennies, love playing with money, or who can't wait to collect $200 as they pass "Go", do

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    • sorana lm profile image

      sorana lm 6 years ago

      This is a great lens. And very funny. :)

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Excellent! I really enjoyed this. Blessed!

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      What does it mean

      "Finance is an art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears."

    • mekon1971 profile image

      mekon1971 8 years ago

      5* and lensrolling you to my Financial Words of Wisdom lens - great job!

    • Andy-Po profile image

      Andy 8 years ago from London, England

      Great lens and welcome to the Investment Club group (I shall create a new category for your lenses)

    • profile image

      anonymous 9 years ago

      If you personally ask me those questions above, I should say YES!Money grow on trees that's why banks have BRANCHES! lol! You have a great lens! That's why I love online shopping! You can get some funny things that will surely light up our day! I even came across a site that offers "funny" checks, too, at an affordable price! Once, I bought my very own personalized Basset Hound checks and they gave me a big discount! I owned a Basset and I put his funny photo on it! You should check this out, too! anyway, great lens and funny money ROCKS!

    • profile image

      lukey81 9 years ago

      Well done on an excellent lens! From Luke DownUnder

      Mortgage Calculators

    • profile image

      anilg 9 years ago

      Great lens, five stars for you