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Sole Trader Christmas Party

Updated on July 13, 2014

The Most Fun You Can Have On Your Own!

I work alone from my home office. Running your own business is great, but it can make you a bit paranoid.

Last year was tough and, as my only employee, I really carried the can.

When December came, I felt a party was needed to reward effort and boost morale.

Before

I asked for volunteers to form a committee. Naturally, I was the only one who gave a damn.

After squabbling over the budget, I decided not to allow partners.

I couldn't agree on a venue, so opted to have the party at the office. I did the invite myself, after the printer said he couldn't be bothered with such a small run. The name tags didn't take long either.

The RSVPs came back straight away, with 100% acceptance. I took it as a good omen.

I ordered light beer (someone had to look out for company liability) and a variety of appetisers. Even those horrible spurty asparagus vo-au-vents that burn your mouth. I sourced a Portaloo in case there was a queue.

Anyone who's organised a party knows what a time-consuming and thankless task it is. My sole reward for chairing the committee was that I got to choose where I sat.

During

I'd booked a limo, but was the only one to cough up his share.

It cost a fortune, since some idiot got the address wrong. I arrived late because I didn't want to be uncool. Even so, the cook, waiter, barman and DJ were the only people present. They seemed to be having a pretty good time.

The smoke, strobes and balloons were disorienting. I put up with it, recalling that I too had been young once. I'd authorised a taxi voucher, so I figured it was safe to have a tipple. The barman gave me a drink with a funny name. It didn't taste like beer, wine or orange juice.

The theme was 'Fun with Fur'. I was disappointed when I saw another koala in the bathroom. Whoever it was must have also been upset, since they stayed there all night and wouldn't talk to me.

The DJ refused to play my request, so I went outside to join the party games. I might be the boss, but I'm not aloof. The limbo competition was a dead loss and blind man's buff took forever, but I won every other event except the three legged race (there were odd numbers).

The dinner was fine, though the Christmas crackers were impossible and some prankster rearranged the name cards. I ordered chicken but got beef and no one would swap. That's gratitude! In my speech I thanked everyone for coming. Despite having the best sales figures, I didn't get a bonus; I'm so tight.

I did a quick change into Santa; I don't think anyone realised it was me. Kris Kringle was a giveaway, but at least I got what I wanted. I even won the door prize.

The dessert wafers were so small, the waiter put two of them straight on my tongue. I left the party an hour later so as not to cramp my style. Once I was gone, I really cut loose.

I did a skit taking the piss out of the boss. No one laughed - out of respect I guess. When the DJ played 'Time Warp' and 'Nutbush City Limits', everyone danced in time.

I fired up the jukebox when the DJ left, but someone chose the same song seven times. I quite like the Nolan Sisters, but I felt for those who didn't. I tried a conga line but it didn't catch on, so I grabbed the company video camera. I couldn't find anyone to film except the koala in the bathroom, who also happened to be filming.

When the hired help had gone, I went outside for a ciggie. No one would let me back in and I had to smash a window. The cops came; then the fire brigade. Some fool had butted out on my tree fern.

At least there were no gate crashers.

After

Though I always front for work no matter how much I've drunk, I almost couldn't face myself next morning.

No one offered to help clean up and the only bright moment was when a bunch of thankyou flowers came.

You put these parties on and people make a mockery of them.

Next year someone else can organise the damn thing.

Come to think of it, I might even take myself off the guest list!

Quick Quiz

Are YOU planning a Sole Trader Christmas Party this year?

See results

Thanks for reading! I'd love your thoughts.

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    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 6 years ago

      @darciefrench lm: Thank you so much, Darcie. That means a great deal to me. :)

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 6 years ago

      Too funny Paul! I offer an authentic 'LOL'. Love your sense of humor -:)

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 6 years ago

      @wyrm11268: I'm delighted you're having fun with them. That's just the effect I was hoping to achieve. Thank you very much for visiting. :)

    • wyrm11268 profile image

      wyrm11268 6 years ago

      Hi Paul, I am laughing my way through your lenses. Very funny. Now thinking my office needs a new years eve party of one :-)

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 6 years ago

      @MagpieNest: You got that right! Glad you liked it. Thank you very much for saying so. :)

    • MagpieNest profile image

      MagpieNest 6 years ago

      Sounds like much more fun that the corporate Christmas parties I've been to. And it doesn't sound like much fun ;-) Very amusing.

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 6 years ago

      @JollyvilleChick: Based on the koala/s I think the fewer pets the better! :)

    • JollyvilleChick profile image

      JollyvilleChick 6 years ago

      So funny! Will you allow pets at the party or do you think it will get out of hand?

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 6 years ago

      @JessK LM: Thank you, Jess. I greatly appreciate your visit and comment. :)

    • JessK LM profile image

      JessK LM 6 years ago

      That was great! I never thought about working at home from this angle.

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 6 years ago

      @Linda BookLady: Hee hee. Laugh; cry; it's up to you, Linda. YOU are the audience. If this story can get businesspeople to laugh, then I've truly accomplished my mission. Thank you very much for dropping by. :)

    • Linda BookLady profile image

      Linda Jo Martin 6 years ago from Post Falls, Idaho, USA

      So sad... to be so alone. ::sob:: ...oh, was I supposed to laugh? Seriously though, you could put this in the humor category.

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 6 years ago

      @CCGAL: As a writer, that's one of the nicest things you can say to me. Thank you for reading and supporting this story. It's rocketing up the charts, thanks to you and those you've gathered around you. :)

    • LisaMarieGabriel profile image

      Lisa Marie Gabriel 6 years ago from United Kingdom

      Doing great so far :) I thought this was funny :)

    • CCGAL profile image

      CCGAL 6 years ago

      This made me laugh out loud! You have a knack for humor, I see. Good Luck in the Tier One Challenge - it's fun to watch your numbers change.

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 6 years ago

      @LisaMarieGabriel: The challenge sure is working for me I've halved my rank and halved it again since we started. Thank you very much for dropping in. :)

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
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      Paul Hassing 6 years ago

      @DecoratingEvents: I'm so pleased to hear that, Mandee! I felt at the time of writing that this one was special. It's wonderful to hear that people are still enjoying it. Best regards, P. :)

    • DecoratingEvents profile image

      DecoratingEvents 6 years ago

      I enjoyed this immensely. The "matter-of-fact" reporting style had me laughing throughout. Thanks for sharing and good luck!

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 6 years ago

      @myraggededge: Thank you for your comment and the lensroll! Your lenses look highly creative, so I'm very pleased to have attracted your eye. Best regards, P. :)

    • myraggededge profile image

      myraggededge 6 years ago

      Ha ha... very good! Lensrolled to my Escape Christmas lens.

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 6 years ago

      @CCGAL: Thank you very much indeed! :)

    • CCGAL profile image

      CCGAL 6 years ago

      LOL I enjoyed this! Welcome to the Tier One Challenge. **grin** Gonna be fun!

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 7 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you, Sarah. They were a bit much. I've reduced them on your advice. Best regards, Paul. :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      Hilarious post. You almost lost me with the in-line adverts though.

    • JanTUB profile image

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 8 years ago from Australia

      Giggle, giggle! I'll come next time! 5*, faved, and featured in "Mind your (table) manners" lens.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      Nice to re-visit this lens Paul. .......... Stopped by to say, "Hi!"

    • mrsm54321 profile image

      mrsm54321 8 years ago

      That's just what my husband was planning to do last Christmas ...

    • ZenandChic profile image

      Patricia 8 years ago

      Funny...

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 8 years ago

      Dear adamnrave. Alas, no live links left. But I do have the MP3 file. It's 2.7 meg & I'm happy to email it to you (& anyone else who may be interested). Best regards, P. :)

    • profile image

      adamnrave 8 years ago

      Classic short story! Is there still a live link somewhere to the ABC story/podcast? LOL. :-)

    • profile image

      Tarra99 8 years ago

      you had me at the into pic...LOL...too funny!

      Thanks for popping into my Scrabble Tile Pendant lens...as always, it's appreciated.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      Aw, do you have a wild side there, Santa? LMAO! Thanks for the good Squidooing!

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 8 years ago

      Thank you, Bj! It warms my heart to hear you say that! I put a lot of thought into this piece. It even got broadcast on ABC Radio National across Australia! Many thanks for your visit. P. :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      I love your sense of humor.

      Great lens

      Lizzy

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 8 years ago

      Thank you kindly for your comment, PCS. Especially nice to see you as Silly Season winds down. Best regards, P. :)

    • profile image

      PosterChildSmile 8 years ago

      Funny stuff, good writing, quite the party.

    • PaulHassing LM profile image
      Author

      Paul Hassing 8 years ago

      Thank you both for your kind feedback. I great appreciate it! P. :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      this i have to say is pretty great.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      I love it. I'll never look at a party for one the same again.

      LizzyJean