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Titillating Taglines

Updated on January 25, 2013

WELCOME TO THE TREASURY OF TITILLATING TAGLINES

What would the world be without all those wonderful one-liners that gob-smack you when you least expect it?

This light-hearted lens is devoted to those pithy if not puckish pieces of prose that leave you with a smile on your face!

So, get ready for a big box of bittersweets to brighten your day!

Or, if you prefer puffing your way to pleasure, just "Blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere."

BEST BEER TAGLINE!

"Heineken refreshes the parts other beers cannot touch."

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Credit: Image - iStockphoto.com and slogan by Terry Lovelock, for Heineken lager beer, 1975 onwards.

Let's hear it for a ripsnorting reindeer!

There's a new toy on the market this year, just in time for the HO-HO-HO holidays! It's a reindeer that dispenses brown jelly beans. You lift the tail and a little package pops out from his posterior. Yes, one of these titillating taglines actually adorns this tacky trinket, designed to inspire a gleeful greeting or two.

And the tagline for this toy is?

See results

MIGHTY MILK (the best bovine beverage for the HO HO HO Holiday Season) - Besides, it's "Udderly Ubiquitous"! -- That's what Santa & The Snow Fairy say...and

Spin-Doctors Wanted:

"Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it." -- Stephen Leacock, Canadian humorist

CAN YOU COME UP WITH A CRAZY CARTOON CAPTION?

Enter the "Crazy Caption Contest"!

Sink Your Teeth Into These Twisted Taglines

Okay Smarty Pants, if you had to promote a posh, pristine, palatable paste and polish product to enhance your beautiful bicuspids, give us your best toothy taglines:

"Put a smile on your face with SPLORK!"

"The best part of waking up is SPLORK!"

"Get back to 'ooh la la' with SPLORK!"

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Image Credit: www.languagelog.com

Cockamammie [Condom] Captions - Available from your neighborhood Immaculate Conception Pharmacy!

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Image Credit: www.gizmodiva.com img - 0910/14

TITILLATING TSA TAGLINE:

What's the TSA's new slogan?

"We handle more junk than e-Bay!"

-- Jay Leno --

I'll have a grenouille in my grog thanks! (Image Credit: J J Justinsen@flickr.com)

I'll have a grenouille in my grog thanks! (Image Credit: J J Justinsen@flickr.com)
I'll have a grenouille in my grog thanks! (Image Credit: J J Justinsen@flickr.com)

CURIOUS CALLING CARDS

Who says you can't play with words?

The world is full of soft-soap or syrupy slogans.

What we need now is a few more mirthful musings on the front of all those blessedly boring business cards.

And, here to prove the point are some entertaining examples of some rather curious calling cards:

-- A Milwaukee Tire Store: "Invite us to your next blowout!"

-- A Podiatrist's Window Sign: "Time wounds all heels."

-- A Hotel Sign: "Help Wanted: Inn-Experienced People!"

-- Fast-food Fish Shop: "Try our fish just for the halibut!"

-- A Taxidermist's Card: "We really know our stuff!"

-- A Propane Station: "Thank heaven for little grills!"

-- The side panel on an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

-- Church sign: "To remove your worry wrinkles, get your faith lifted!"

-- Sign on a Muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."

-- A Veterinary Clinic: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit. Stay."

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Image Credit: Big Foot California identity card - whineendine@flickr.com

"Because I'm Worth It" - This Terrific and Titillating Tagline Turned 40!

Cathphrases, slogans, and taglines don't usually celebrate anniversaries.

This likely has more to do with lack of staying power than popularity.

But there is one creative catchphrase which has been around long enough to earn a marvelous milestone status.

Now this isn't just any slogan mind you. It is one introduced by well-known cosmetic and fragrance manufacturer, L'Oreal. In fact, it was 40 years ago that this beauty brand used this sassy saying to to launch its line of hair color products in the USA. These four words, "Because I'm Worth It", became more than a product pitch line -- it represented a movement of mavens the likes of which have rarely been repeated.

Written by a female copywriter employed by the McCann Erickson agency in New york, the TV commercial featured a female trying to decide how to purchase the best premium beauty product. This was an innovative step, because at the time most ads were created and narrated by males or offered a singularly male perspective on the product.

If you've ever wondered whether words really do have the power to push a product, all you have to do is look at L'Oreal today. It's the world's largest cosmetic company, selling approximately 50 products every second! Incidentally, now you know why Debeers does so well because -- "A diamond is forever" (four words that can change a lady's life like no other, unless it's a fabulous facial by L'Oreal designed to remove all those wickled little crow's feet!)

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Image Credit: Apple #21480249 @ fotolia.com

Wicked words of woo...

Let's face it if you aren't "God's gift to the fair sex", or "a hottie in disguise" then you probably need a bit of boost juice.

So, here are a few titillating taglines from some of the best Lolitas and Lotharios in the world:

"Way down deep, I'm very shallow." (Dorothy Parker, a vintage vixen)

"The only time a woman really suceeds in changing a man is when he's a baby." (Natalie Wood, American actress)

"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet!" (Mae West, American actress)

"When other little girls wanted to be ballet dancers I kind of wanted to be a vampire." (Angelina Jolie, American actress)

* * *

"The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty." (Woody Allen, American actor)

"Zeus, 'the God of wine and whoopee'!" (Garrison Keillor, American humorist)

"Hello possums!" (Australian actor, Barry Humphries, Dame Edna Everage's habitual greeting to her fans)

Take it from the Muffin Man, if you never try, you'll never look stupid!

Take it from the Muffin Man, if you never try, you'll never look stupid!
Take it from the Muffin Man, if you never try, you'll never look stupid!

SLOGANS YOU'LL SELDOM SEE ON T.V.

Advertisers are keen to get you to max out your credit cards and empty their wallets on products or services that may truly leave something to be desired.

So here are some lovely light-hearted lines, (courtesty of Wordlab.com that you'll probably never see on T.V. anytime soon!

"A debtor brand of banking."

"A better brand of bland dammit!"

"A match made in Heaven, with profits made on Earth."

"Our medical imaging services will knock your socks off!"

"Beware of botoxicating."

"Brought to you by Buddha Belt!"

"An enigma waiting to happen."

"Beauty at the touch of a Bellybutton."

"Can't Elope. Honey Do!"

"Cold turkey ain't what it used to be!"

"Bells, sirens, whistles and more!"

"Come see the sass in Saskatchewan!"

"Ego Batter...we making licking boots easy!"

"Dial a Smile at the Devil's Laundromat."

Okay wiseguy, who took a bite out of the Apple?

Okay wiseguy, who took a bite out of the Apple?
Okay wiseguy, who took a bite out of the Apple?

MIRTHFUL MOTTOS AND MONIKERS

Let's face it, the world may be going to heck in a handbasket, but you wouldn't know it by some of the welcome signs you might see when you enter the following cities with slogans that might make you snicker.

So, next time you're passing through that pleasant pit stop on your way to who knows where...ask yourself these questions:

1. Does the slogan express the character and personality of the place?

2. Does the tagline tell a story in a clever, fun, and memorable way?

3. Is the monker unique and original?

4. Does the motto inspire you to visit the place, live there, or learn more about it?

"Keep Austin Weird." -- Austin, Texas (of course, isn't everythere a tad off the wall!)

"The City Was So Nice They Named It Twice." -- Walla Walla, Washington (where wit and wonk go hand in hand!)

"Where Horses Have the Right of Way." -- McKinleyville, California (where pooper scoopers come in handy!)

"The Aliens Aren't the Only Reason to Visit." -- Roswell, New Mexico (where unidentified flying objects are never mistaken for a frying pan!)

"The Town Without a Frown" -- Happy, Texas (where tippling and toting guns are sure to keep a smile on everyone's face.)

"Where the Odds Are With You" Peculiar, Missouri (the state that's also home to "Frankenstein", "Knob Lick", and "Tightwad"!)

A PITHY POUPON PUNCHLINE

THERE'S COMEDY IN CATCHPHRASES!

As every fool knows.

Whoever said words are boring doesn't appreciate the value of a well-appointed pun or a delightful double-entendre!

Let's face it, God gave man a twisted tongue just to poke fun at those wretched wisdom teeth!

"New Mail not found. Start whine-pout sequence? (Y/N)"

"Practice Safe Hex!"

"Due to budget cuts the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off."

"Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together!"

"A closed mouth gathers no feet!"

"Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?"

"Life in a vacuum sucks."

"Haven't you read 'How to Boil Water in 500 Steps'?"

"If at first you don't succeed, redefine success!"

"I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe."

"Windows Vista: Proof that God has a sense of humor!"

"Every silver lining has a cloud."

"I've seen better conversations in alphabet soup."

"Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet."

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left."

"TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem."

____________

Jerry Seinfeld, American comedian

ALIMONY ALE:

"The bitterest beer in America!"

NEW TAGS FOR OLD PRODUCTS

When you can't invent a new product...just invent a new way to flog it!

"Leave the spying to us!" (C.I.A.)

"Good to the last hop!" (The "Energizer Bunny" battery!)

"Cokes go better with jokes! (You get that bubbly feeling all over again!)

"Put a toadstool in your tank!" (A low-carbon-emissions bio-fuels producer)

"Make it my way or the highway! (A better burger franchise)

"Takes a licking and keeps on sticking" (A timeless stamp manufacturer)

TERRIFIC TAGLINES FOR TITILLATING TOWNS

Some places on the map have downright potty names, so it's not surprising that perhaps they should have a silly slogan or two to reflect their character and style.

Bummerville, California -- "Your two-ply paradise!"

Ding Dong, Texas -- "A dandy place to meet some dazzling dingbats!"

Frankenstein, Missouri -- "More freaks per capita that you can shake a stick at!"

Goobertown, Arizona -- "The home of irascible punsters!"

Goosepimple Junction, Virginia -- "The shape of thongs to come!"

Grape Corner, New Hampshire -- "We're better for all the right raisins."

Half.com, Oregon -- "Where the glass is neither half full nor half empty."

Humptulips, Washington -- "Where there's plenty of fertile flower power!"

Hell Hollow, New Hampshire -- "Where you can melt your cares away!"

Hungry Horse, Montana -- "For those who love to roam on the range!"

Idiotville, Oregon -- "A great place for dweebs, dorks, and dunderheads to live!"

Knockemstiff, Ohio -- "Folks here are never scared sheetless!"

Loco, Oklahoma -- "The anti-dote for normal!"

Looneyville Texas -- "Where everyone's lost their marbles!"

Mary's Igloo, Alaska -- "Where everyone rubs noses!"

Meat Camp, North Carolina -- "Simply a superb meating place!"

Possum Trot, Kentucky -- "Just beyond the fork in the roadkill!"

Smartt, Tennessee -- "Where no one's heard of artificial intelligence!

Satan's Kingdom, Vermont -- "A hot place to hang your hat!

Toad Suck, Arkansas -- "A toad-ally awesome place!"

Tortilla Flat, Arizona -- "Where the Hell is Tortilla Flat?"

Truth or Consequences, New Mexico -- "We're riddled with possibilities!"

Turkey Scratch, Arkansas -- "Where everyone talks turkey!

____________

Image Credit: Tortilla Flat - Arizona - alcott1@flickr.com

Are You Living Up To Your Potential? (Frankly, not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up!)

Are You Living Up To Your Potential? (Frankly, not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up!)
Are You Living Up To Your Potential? (Frankly, not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up!)

AND NOW A WORD FROM JOE BLOW!

OH THOSE CRAZY CANUCKS!

Many things can be said of Canada and its countrymen:

"Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain." -- Pierre E. Trudeau, former Prime Minister of Canada

"A Canadian is somebody who knows how to make love in a canoe." -- Pierre Berton, Canadian commentator and journalist

"If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia." -- Margaret Atwood, Canadian author.

"In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations--it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir." -- Stuart Keate, Canadian journalist and newspaper publisher.

"Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen." -- P.J. O'Rourke, American humorist.

"Canada is never been a melting pot; more like a tossed salad." -- Arnold Edinborough, Canadian author, editor, and arts critic.

So, it's not surprising that this country has its fair share of silly slogans and witty one-liners about its provinces and cities.

Calgary, Alberta -- "The C-spot stands for Cowtown!

Kitchener-Waterloo, Ontario "Nothing but Busybodies & Blackberries"

Moncton, New Brunswick -- "Welcome to Monkeytown where everyone swings from the chandeliers!"

Oshawa, Ontario -- "Prepare to be amazed!" now replaces "You missed the turn-off for Burlington!"

Red Deer, Alberta -- "Welcome to Gasoline Alley!" (which exports wayward winds of all sorts including calicoes, freeps, and mud-ducks in great abundance).

Regina, Saskatchewan -- "We're more than an ol' pile o' bones!" (...the only one they're missing is the funnybone!)

Thunder Bay, Ontario -- "Thunder Bay, Superior by Nature." (or...an environmentally-sound approach to the lost art of how to frost rocks!)

Toronto, Ontario -- "Welcome to Hogtown!"(It's cleaner than a pigsty!)

Victoria, British Columbia -- "A snore by the shore for newlyweds and nearly-deads."

And as for those puckish provinces...let's see there's so much to choose from:

"Lotusland - Capital of flakes, nuts & fruitcakes" (British Columbia)

"God's Country" (Ontario)

"Land of the Rednecks" (Alberta)

"Saskabush" (Saskatchewan)

"Spudville" (Prince Edward Island)

and last but not least, "The Rock" (Newfoundland & Labrador)!

LITTLE LIBRARY FOR LOLLYGAGGERS

Hey, Whipple, Squeeze This: A Guide to Creating Great Ads, Second Edition
Hey, Whipple, Squeeze This: A Guide to Creating Great Ads, Second Edition

What do you mean you don't want to sell refrigerators to people of snow?

 
You've Got Funny Mail
You've Got Funny Mail

So you can't write a billet doux worth a darn...maybe try your hand at reading or writing a funny email for a change!

 
Hasbro Electronic Catch Phrase
Hasbro Electronic Catch Phrase

A great catch phrase game for the entire family!

 
POP!: Create the Perfect Pitch, Title, and Tagline for Anything
POP!: Create the Perfect Pitch, Title, and Tagline for Anything

How to create your very own tagline for anything!

 

FUNNYBONE FEEDBACK - Please leave a creative contribution to our treasury of twisted taglines.

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    • blestman lm profile image

      blestman lm 4 years ago

      Great lens. Thanks for all the laughs

    • HomeDecorKnight profile image

      HomeDecorKnight 5 years ago

      Very much interesting lens, I like this lens.

    • profile image

      thebreakthroughmarketer 5 years ago

      Great lens, nice job :)

    • profile image

      brynimagire 5 years ago

      Great information ! Excellent lens !

    • RosemaryB profile image

      RosemaryB 5 years ago

      Wow what a site. Love the layout. Im new to Squidoo and your site inspires me. If you'd like to look back to what it was like in the beginning my Lens has just begun.

    • teamunited12 profile image

      teamunited12 5 years ago

      Very interesting info and nice lens...

    • JohnRayner profile image

      JohnRayner 5 years ago

      Kept me amused for a while, great lens.

    • profile image

      agent009 6 years ago

      There's a lot of Psychology involved in advertisements like imagery and wordplay.

    • profile image

      Digital-Signage10 6 years ago

      Oh, Its really nice.

      Thanks

      Digital Signage

    • agoofyidea profile image

      agoofyidea 6 years ago

      I great tagline should be unexpected. Your's hit the mark. Great lens.

    • SlipAwayDesigns profile image

      SlipAwayDesigns 6 years ago

      The KFC condom wrapper is awesome! Great ideas!

    • smithlights profile image

      smithlights 6 years ago

      Love it!

    • profile image

      cmvarner 6 years ago

      This was very funny, so much for me being very creative. I need to read some more of you entertaining information.

    • Jkak profile image

      Jkak 6 years ago

      lol good stuff here

    • profile image

      abacct 6 years ago

      I like the concept and idea very much.

    • mscaramelle lm profile image

      mscaramelle lm 6 years ago

      I need your lens today! Thank you! (Liked)

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Great stuff.

    • LoKackl profile image

      LoKackl 7 years ago

      Entertaining titillating taglines!! Blessed

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      hahahaha! What a funny lens - ROFL!

    • kimark421 profile image

      kimark421 8 years ago

      Good to the last hop...love it. Great Lens!

    • papawu profile image

      papawu 8 years ago

      Really funny stuff. I got more than a few good laughs off of this lens.

    • TonyPayne profile image

      Tony Payne 9 years ago from Southampton, UK

      Very funny lens, love the classic lines. It was nice to see the Grey Poupon video - haven't seen that in years - it was very funny. 5***** well deserved

    • profile image

      qlcoach 9 years ago

      As usual, a Five Star lens! Thanks also for interacting at our publishing club. Feel free to check things out at my new Book Readers Club Online. Gary Eby, author and therapist.