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Hawaiian Odysseus' MAD COW HubPages Award

Updated on October 21, 2013
Bovine Sleeping Beauty
Bovine Sleeping Beauty | Source

How It Started

I've been telling all of you for months that I'm a fool.

A fool who's very grateful for second chances.

A fool who's finding his purpose in life.

A fool with a mission here on HubPages.

Your mission, should you accept it, Hawaiian Odysseus, my pesky Writer's Muse whispered in my brain early this morning, rousing me from a sleep-deprived night (thanks in large part to the Ten Hubs in Ten Days Challenge proffered by the lovely wahine in Connecticut, Ms. Karen Hellier ), is to create a Hub about HubPages writers you've encountered in the last seven months who are MAD COWS.

You're kidding, right? I mean, you got me up to tell me something stupid like that? I reached for a pillow to throw at myself, thinking I might get lucky and sock the Writer's Muse right in his pie hole.

But then I realized that this was Day 5 of Karen's challenge...and, my goodness, I only have two hubs finished. Immediately, the discouragement imps gathered at my sleepy eyelids, taunting me, tempting me to give up--What an idiot! You actually thought you could pull it off? No way, Jose! Face it, man, you ain't nothin' but a loser!

Now that really pissed me off! I hadn't worked so hard this past year and endured so much crap just to give, not me! And especially not now when things are really getting interesting.

Okay, Muse, where are you? I need to make those jokers shut up once and for all. What do you want me to do?

So What's a MAD COW Award?

MAD COW, the writing muse explained, was an acronym for:

Making A Difference Cadre Of Writers.

There was only one mandatory requirement. In keeping with the Ten Hubs in Ten Days Challenge, I had to have it published before the clock struck twelve on the evening of October 10, 2012. With a grin on his sprite face, the Muse concluded, Other than that one requirement, the sky's the limit!

Yeah...I'm a fool, alright. How in the world do I swing this?

Keeping It Simple

Okay, so here's how I resolve my self-imposed dilemma.

First, I want to give props to Simone Haruko Smith for providing me with an answer that gives me license to do what I'm about to do. Thank you, Simone! And by the way, I hope to meet you in person someday. That, my friend, is one of the items on my Hawaiian Odysseus bucket list. I am so impressed with your brilliant mind and the terrific videos you've shared with us here on HubPages. Impressive!

Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah.

So, as I write these very words, it is 10:38 PM PDT on October 10, 2012, which means I have less than 1 hour and 22 minutes to complete this Hub. There's no way I can come in under the gun if I set out to do the impossible--i.e., feature several Hubbers in this Hub.

One of the things I learned a long time ago is that when I encounter a huge task, the best way to tackle it is to not try to swallow the entire bagel with one gulp, but to instead take little bites of the sugarless doughnut wannabe.

So that's what I've decided to do with this Hub. I am going to write it in the singular...that's right, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and he's alive and well here in College Place, Washington, and he's telling me between Ho's to take it easy and to be kind to myself.

With that in mind, this Hub will feature ONE (uno, ichi, un) recipient of my soon-to-be-the-talk-of-every-coffee-shop-where-Hubbers-gather first annual MAD COW award.

Drum roll, please...

And the winner is:

That dashing young man from Ewa Beach on the island of O'ahu--chrisinhawaii!

An Update

When I first wrote this lighthearted article, I included five of Chris's hubs in this very spot that you're reading right now. I chose what I believed to be perfect examples of this writer's razor-sharp wit and amazing talent.

On this date, Monday, October 21, 2013, I was surprised to see that all five links were broken. Investigating further, I saw that Chris had removed all of his hubs from his HubPages profile page.

While it's unfortunate to see him leave...again...and apparently for good this time, I stand firm on what I've shared with you about this terrific writer from the islands.

Me ke aloha pumehana, Chris, and may God bless you and yours! I wish you the very best, my friend!


Why chrisinhawaii, you ask?

Are you kidding me?

Go read what the acronym means again!

That's right, you lolo beachboy! MAD COW = MAKING A DIFFERENCE CADRE OF WRITERS!

chrisinhawaii is a HUGE difference-maker!

Ever since he came aboard the HubPages cruise ship, he's been, SLAMMING!!!...these dynamite instructional Hubs for writers. He even has a blog celebrating the HubPages experience with the web address of

This islander is the real deal when it comes to tips, techniques, and strategies for taking your Hub game to the next level.

And what a unique voice he has! He has this very clever way of using the device of asides to humorously keep your attention while slipping in a mini-lesson or two as easily as your tongue slips into haupia (coconut pudding, I hastily add, so that the same guys messing with algorithms every two months or so don't mistake my Hawaiian word for something perverted).

Chris has a reader-friendly style of writing. He has the uncanny ability to take high-falutin' da kine SEO stuff and spit it back at us in an easy to understand manner. You get the sense when you read Chris's Hubs that he genuinely empathizes with you because he never forgets how he once felt as lost as you do ( that was one heckuva TV series set in the islands...I never did figure out what happened to that lousy polar bear! Really messed my mind up, boy, I tell you what! Oh, sorry, my ADHD just kicked in again! Karen, see what your challenge has done to my mind! AAAARRRGH!) Where was I? Better yet, where AM I? Where's that darn clock? Oh, yeah, lower right of my laptop screen. Check! Good thing I had my laptop reference manual handy.

Where am I? I am at 11:10 PM and counting. This craziness is all happening right now in live action time. You are witnessing a 60-year-old man experiencing a meltdown.

A plethora of apologies to you, Chris...this Hub is meant to be a tribute, not a travesty, to you because you, bruddah, deserve it way more than me.

Okay, enough of the poor imitation of Robin Williams scrambled eggs rambling. Back to Chris.

This guy rocks, man! Check out five of his hubs to the upper right of this and experience for yourself the professional writing expertise and rapier-sharp wit of this gifted Hawaiian islander.

But be aware, when you click on these excellent articles, I will get a few cents as a result. And do you know why? 'Cause Chris, bless his heart, so generously shared with me a tip as to how one can get referral tracker credit (or debit? I'm a bit confused right now, and again, I blame Karen for my delusional state of mind!) for doing that very righteously clever thing.

Which only reinforces my gut feeling about Chris...that he's the kind of person who enjoys sharing his knowledge and is willing to help. He found me, homeless and tattered, lying on the beach at Ho'o'hownowbrowncow and took me in. I can't say enough about Chris. Then again, I might be saying too much as it is.

So go check him out for yourself. But remember, the guy is married to a wonderful woman and has two terrific boys.

Okay, then, I'm going to leave you now at 11:22 PM so I can do the Abraham Linkin thing on the right side of this. Look for the stuff that's more blue than anything else, and you shouldn't go wrong...

Like I did when I accepted Karen's Ten Pages in Ten Days thingamajig. My mind is somewhere in between GO and Park Place. If anyone comes across it, please wrap it up and send it priority mail back to me. Eh, no be cheap, brah! What's $11.35 for medium flat rate priority mail box between Hubbers?

So go...pick up some Hamura's Saimin and a case of Coke and go enjoy Chris's Hubs. And, remember, my tracker is on there, so no be shy and give generously to the cause!

Right on! Over and a light!

Aloha from Washington state!

Hawaiian Odysseus

PS Kids, Don't Try This At Home!

  • Please be aware that no cows were hurt in the writing of this Hub...well, at least not physically
  • Simone Haruko Smith kindly informed me that one could pay tribute to a single Hubber but that these kinds of Hubs will grow idle after about a month or so; Chris and I will do our best to not let that happen; please help by reading and sharing generously
  • Still looking for my mind; if found, will provide reward...that is, if I remember


Submit a Comment

  • hawaiianodysseus profile imageAUTHOR

    Hawaiian Odysseus 

    5 years ago from Southeast Washington state

    LOL! Thank you, KoffeeKlatch Gals! All kidding aside, Chris is a wonderful writer who has helped many people with his great advice and humor. Thanks for checking his writing out. Aloha!

  • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

    Susan Hazelton 

    5 years ago from Sunny Florida

    I have to check out chris now. You've peaked my interest. If you make a penny or two, well, that's fine with me.

  • hawaiianodysseus profile imageAUTHOR

    Hawaiian Odysseus 

    6 years ago from Southeast Washington state


    First of all, I want to check in with you and let you know that our thoughts and prayers here on the West Coast were with our brothers and sisters over on the East Coast. I'm hoping that your family and your property are alright. I can't even begin to imagine what the various transit systems and commuting must be like for the people in your state at this time. Glad to hear from you in more ways than one, tillsontitan!

    I am looking forward to someday meeting chrisinhawaii. Maybe it can happen as early as next April.

    For now, I'm enjoying his wit and antics here on HP, and I was grateful for the opportunity to promote his talent even with tongue superglued to cheek.

    Take care, and have a great week/end.

  • tillsontitan profile image

    Mary Craig 

    6 years ago from New York

    Hmm, ADHD, shiny thing syndrome, I've learned a lot from this hub!! You have listed five great hubs by Chris and certainly deserve a kick back ;)

    Voted up, useful, funny, and interesting.

  • hawaiianodysseus profile imageAUTHOR

    Hawaiian Odysseus 

    6 years ago from Southeast Washington state


    Clever HP pen name, by the way, sir! : )

    Thanks for reading this. Chris is actually quite the prolific writer and researcher. With the element of humor sprinkled throughout his Hubs, even his most high tech topics turn out easily palatable by feeble brains like mine. I truly do believe you'd like his stuff.

    Thanks, too, by the way, for the most interesting questions that you pose every now and then. Very interesting!

    Looking forward to a family reunion and Thanksgiving celebration in Forest Grove. While there, my wife and I hope to browse through the FG Goodwill as well as the really cool one in Hillsboro. Found some great eBay treasures at the latter!

    Have a great weekend, xstatic!

  • xstatic profile image

    Jim Higgins 

    6 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

    Funny and it instigates my curiosity enough to check out Chris and see if I am inspired, never can get enough of that.

  • hawaiianodysseus profile imageAUTHOR

    Hawaiian Odysseus 

    6 years ago from Southeast Washington state


    Touche regarding the caffeine and Hubs combination!

    I think tonight--the second night following the end of the Challenge--is when I'll crash. It's 11:12 PM PDT, and my eyes just won't stay open, so I think I'll make like Rocky Balboa on a John Deere and hit the hay!

    Thanks for taking time to provide me with some very interesting information.

    Good night, Chris, and have a fun weekend with the family!

  • hawaiianodysseus profile imageAUTHOR

    Hawaiian Odysseus 

    6 years ago from Southeast Washington state


    Yeah, Chris is quite the writer! What I also like about him is his energy. He's a loving husband and father of two boys, writes blog posts, Hubs, and who knows how many other things, is very good about communicating with others, and generously shares his knowledge.

    I did a "freefall" with this Hub, and it was fun as well as a good stress-reliever as I reminded myself that this was the last Hub of the Ten Day Challenge.

    Thank you so much for sharing it! See you around the next bend...

  • wetnosedogs profile image


    6 years ago from Alabama

    What a great, tremendous work here. I enjoy reading chrisinhawaii hubs, too. I wasn't aware of his I need to check that out when I have more time.

    This is a fun hub to read.

    I'm sharing it.

  • profile image


    6 years ago

    Hold on, now...I've seen what a hub a day plus caffeine can do to you! o_O haha!

    My SEO knowledge is pretty basic, actually. I think the main thing to focus on is keywords, and I learned a lot about that from The Keyword Academy. I wouldn't bother with print books, though, since things change so fast. Following last year's SEO advice could sink your site faster than...faster than...(can't think of anything clever to say)...

    Point is, sticking with basic stuff like keyword research, high-quality writing, reasonable promotion and sincere networking is probably the best way to go in the long term, since what works amazingly well today could kill you tomorrow.

    You could also check out, but be's easy to get sucked in and waste entire days reading SEO and blogger blogs and never get your own writing done. Beware Shiny Thing Syndrome...

  • hawaiianodysseus profile imageAUTHOR

    Hawaiian Odysseus 

    6 years ago from Southeast Washington state


    Thanks, Chris! Wish I could join you guys! My mom turns 80 next spring, so I hope to go over to Kaua'i then. My goal is to write a Hub every day I'm there. Whack the ono food and have good fun with the family by day, and then lots of caffeine in the afternoon and throughout the early evening to sustain my wired-for-writing-Hubs state.

    You folks get plenty SBUX shops on O'ahu? I know of two on the Garden Island--one in Kapa'a town and the other one in Lihu'e.

    The other thing I want to do is go deep sea fishing with my bruddahs, Glenn and Charlie, off of Nawiliwili. Ah, can't wait!

    Got a question for did you become so well-versed in the SEO thing or whatever you call the knowledge one has for getting one's Hubs or business more visibility? Did you take a course? Find the information online? Read some good books? Or a combination of x, y, and z? Tonight, I have it on my schedule to read a couple of your Hubs. I'm going to attempt to do this, along with a couple of other informative Hubs others have written, so I can apply some of these techniques to either or both my eBay business and my writing.

    Thanks for all your help, brah! See you when I wake up from a Rip Van Winkle nap! : )

  • profile image


    6 years ago

    U cRaZy oLd MaN u! =) Now go get some well-deserved sleep =)

    Wow. I never imagined I'd be the recipient of the very first MAD COW award! Now I'm blushing. Big mahalos for all the kind words! You made me sound like such an EXPERT or something. Uh-oh, now I gotta go do some homework to try to live up to the hype HAHA!

    By the way, I'm still and the polar bear (ONE of them, at least) are kickin' it over here at Starbucks...waiting to be rescued.

    Anyways, thank you so much, and I'm glad you enjoy reading my hubs as much as I enjoy reading yours!

    Aloha Uncle!


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