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Spreading Hublove - Response to MartieCoetser about male loneliness

Updated on August 4, 2013

Living Alone: Do men prefer living alone?

Very intense thought provoking hub here by MartieCoetser
Very intense thought provoking hub here by MartieCoetser | Source

Dear MartieCoetser

Powerful hub here both compelling from the male perspective, and yet thought provoking indeed from the singular female perspective Martie. I like your take in the matter in terms of men in general feeling as though they need to be alone, and with regard to patience, or the lack there of. As for the courage aspect, maybe not, I think men are far to courageous in most aspects in this life.

Well speaking for myself, and in dealing with that of my lovely wife, I tend to shy away from her desire to want my attention about 100% of the time, and it poses a huge problem, but we still manage to work things out in the end. She however doesn't really care for the things I'm into and I don't really blame her, so I do a bit of pressured influence to get her to participate with me and my hobbies and all such as computing etc... mostly technology subject hobbies.

This is where things get kind of sticky for us, because she resists doing things I like to do, and mostly due to lack of interest in general, but she always wants me to leap at her interests and all, and to fully participate in every single given moment.


Source

Love hurts at times but it feels good simultaneously

Now, when I pull away it becomes a problem again, and then we bust out into heated quarrels which I find kinda of cute actually, and it provides the much needed spark our relationship needs to keep things going I do believe, or else our life together may seem mighty boring.

I would like to thank all the gentlemen who did in fact decide to provide their take on the being alone issue. Many of us men do indeed need our time to ourselves. Many of us have no problem letting our partners and wives have time to themselves, and we simply are looking for the reciprocal deal pretty much, but as you stated in your hub, most woman are far more demanding then most men are.

I am writing this hublove hub, to help more folks join in on the conversation you started and awesome debate there in your hub, and I hope more and more people come to join in. This is definitely a good thing to be able to discuss such things as men being alone, and I dare a man or women to write a hub about the opposite, and where a woman loves to live alone, that would be an awesome hub as well to read about.

It would be much better to see a man's perspective view points on the matter though, and we will see if any men can step up to the plate. I will stay on the sideline and do the coaching and what I love best, which is to continue writing these hublove hub's as I use to do, if any more living alone hubs are to surface and I catch wind of them. It's such a interesting subject to me, thanks for writing it and for sharing your view points with us all.

Thanks also for the inspiration to write this hub up, I did it in your comment area and simply moved it into a hub of my own before posting. Enjoy!



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    • CloudExplorer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mike Pugh 

      5 years ago from New York City

      @MartieCoetser, Hey thanks Martie for returning once again and for deciding to take a double take. Yeah life does indeed throw us some fast balls doesn't it, and many of us are definitely well groomed to play either the outfield in it all, or even be the pitcher, catcher etc...

      I think that no matter how severe an issue appears to be it can definitely be worked out with two folks who truly love one another. I'm so happy you to hear that you decided not to be alone, and found a good person to share your essence with and then some.

      I wish you the best in your relationship, because living life as peace and in a good loving relationship is indeed a true success all in itself. Have a wonderful nights rest and I'll try to catch up to you in other hubs of yours some time soon.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      5 years ago from South Africa

      Hi Cloud, I watched the video again, and could again not find anything disagreeable. I was happy to be alone for many years, after an unhappy marriage of almost 20 years. But beginning last year I've had enough of being alone, and so I committed myself again to a partner.

      But still not sharing my home. My independence and privilege to do whatever I want whenever I want is still too precious to sacrifice. Like now, still in Cyberspace at 1:00am. I am also not willing to complicate my life with my partner's baggage - ex-wife and children. I would NEVER want my partner to be unkind to them, I do have a lot of respect for a man who does not 'dumb' and forget his responsibilities towards his children, which unfortunately always involve their mother. But, fact is, their needs and demands do upset me and eventually it might irritate all living love out of me.

      A second marriage is NOT that easy, especially when the 1st wife is still a prominent factor to be considered. Some 1st wives just never move on; their children and their father stay the axis of her world. This is why it is so important to make the right choice when one is young, and to keep one's 1st marriage healthy and strong.

      Thanks again for this awesome response.

    • CloudExplorer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mike Pugh 

      5 years ago from New York City

      Thanks for the quick response @Asfi55, and I know he's in some pretty good hands too judging by your cool responses here you made to me.

    • asfi55 profile image

      asfi55 

      5 years ago from USA

      Love is truly awesome indeed, I agree. I don't know what I'd do without my lovely husband. He is the best!

    • CloudExplorer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mike Pugh 

      5 years ago from New York City

      @asfi55, Thank you so much for your sweet comment up above. Yes indeed I love taking walks and enjoying awesome loving moments with my wife as well. It is what makes it all worth while, and her nagging me doesn't bother me much knowing that we are going to have some more awesome times up ahead, its worth the struggles at times for sure.

      I love her very much and she knows it and the feelings remain mutual, no matter what we say or do pretty much and within good reason. So I fully understand where your coming from in that aspect indeed. Love is truly awesome, isn't it!

    • CloudExplorer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mike Pugh 

      5 years ago from New York City

      @Gypsy Rose Lee, yeah alone time is super cool, I get a great deal of it because my wife is always at work most of the day while I'm working at home.

      I can see why she gets angry at times when she gets back home, and when she thinks about the time I been alone, but sometimes when she's around I still need my own space as well and so I can relate to your issues too with your hubby. Thanks for the cool comment and for sharing.

    • CloudExplorer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mike Pugh 

      5 years ago from New York City

      Thank you Faith for that cool comment, yup your right about both social loneliness and the going the wrong directions in life and far to intensely as well.

      I dig your perspective on life as well, as you very well know that I enjoy your articles that are quite breath taking indeed. It's always good to share in this way with good folks, and with a more positive thought process in mind.

      For me balance has been the key to my truest success both in relationships online, offline, and especially with that of my loving wife. I know when enough is enough pretty much and even if things appear to be going wrong a tad bit. Some folks may actually need counseling to work out their issues for sure, and so your writings are 100% relevant for that well known fact.

      Thanks again for being so nice to share with me in this way, its so cool of you. Have a wonderful day or evening which ever the case may be.

    • asfi55 profile image

      asfi55 

      5 years ago from USA

      Great hub, very much enjoyed the various perspectives. I like being alone sometimes when I want to be, but I find myself loving the company of my husband, -we get time apart which is nice and absense makes the heart grow fonder- but we get along so very well in that we have so much in common. Long walks and talks are delightful and I want to thank you for sharing Martie's hub as well. Take care

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 

      5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up and interesting. I can be alone for awhile but then I crowd my hubby and he likes have more alone time than me. Go figure. lol Passing this on.

    • CloudExplorer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mike Pugh 

      5 years ago from New York City

      @Deborah Brooks, Have a good one Debbie, oh and all is well with me and my wife as well, she got mad at me that actual evening I made the video and wrote this, it was purely by coincidence though, because I felt compelled to write about that Hubpages glitch we went through and all.

      Then she up and left me too, LOL. She forgave me though and came back home. Now all is good again, and we are back in each others arms once more. You gotta love a true relationship and connection.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      5 years ago from southern USA

      Hey, Mike great spin off of Martie's hub. I love my lovely South African friend and writer, Martie. She is awesome. There is the Perspectives series on loneliness, where certain writers have gotten together to write in February on that very subject, including Martie. They write on a different subject mater each month, with an invited guest writer. Although, I do love my alone time, as we all do, I have to have my family, husband and friends for balance and be sure to not isolate myself. One can be alone, without being lonely. However, complete social isolation is dangerous to one's health, and I have written on this during February, as February was HEART Month (as in taking care of one's heart), where it discusses the issue of loneliness and its effects on the heart and cardiovascular disease. There is an older hub on loneliness to as relates to us reaching out to those who are running 100 miles an hour in the wrong direction.

      Love your perspective here.

      Voted up +++ and sharing

      God bless. In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 

      5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Mike I am trying to go hug him him but kind of mad right now.. he said some hurtful things.. but we have been together since I was 16 on and off..lol ... I always forgive ..

      love you Mike

      Deb

    • CloudExplorer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mike Pugh 

      5 years ago from New York City

      Hey there Debbie, thanks for that cool comment, I know you will return to him soon too.

      Us men have attractive powers just like woman have Haha!

      Lovely response by you, have a wonderful day and make sure to kiss and hug him really hard when you get back with him :)

      Oh and yes indeed writing about that would be awesome, share it with me on my FB profile if you like if you do, I'll share it and read it for sure Deb. Much Love......

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 

      5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Mike.....right now I feel like being alone.. lol.. but I know I will get lonely fast and go looking for my husband.. no matter how mad I get.. I sometimes think I would like to be alone..lol

      great hub.. and Thank you Martie for starting this and Mike answering. Maybe i will write on being alone.. ? love you all

      Debbie

    • CloudExplorer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mike Pugh 

      5 years ago from New York City

      Thanks so much Martie for the awesome response here, yes indeed what's good for the goose is not always good for the gander.

      I love life and all of its challenges and hot pursuits and so this is why my relationship with my loving wife is worth the challenge it presents to me, and I enjoy our ups and downs so much. I makes it all worth while at the end of each successive day.

      Oh and also thanks for watching the video, that was so cool of you and feel free to take a double take, that would be cool to chat with you again here and whenever :)

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      5 years ago from South Africa

      Hi CloudExplorer, what a surprise! I am actually speechless. To repeat one of my comments - each and everyone of us knows what is best for us at a certain time of our lives, and we are instinctively pursuing exactly that.

      I like your reasoning; I am in full agreement with you. But then, I also know that what is right for one is not necessarily right for another at a certain point of time. However, knowing what other's consider to be right and good and feasible is important - a reference we will need somewhere in our future if not in the present.

      I love the video and will come back for a second read/view.

    • CloudExplorer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mike Pugh 

      5 years ago from New York City

      @bravewarrior, Thank you so much for that response, yes indeed both males and females equally may enjoy the freedoms of living alone, it is a prerogative of each individuals and to each ones own.

      I also enjoy both ways of life actually, I was a bachelor for many years before I met my wife, and I enjoyed soiling my royal oats sort to speak, but as chance lead me to her, I was engulfed into the love thing, and the rest is history. LOL

    • CloudExplorer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mike Pugh 

      5 years ago from New York City

      @janshares, thank you so much for sharing with me here, I figured this hub could help spread the word for her, she did make a awesome effort to create a useful and relevant hub that addresses the lonesomeness issues of us modern men today. Oh and also thanks for the vote, that was cool of you too.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 

      5 years ago from Central Florida

      Mike, I am one of those women who prefers living alone. I've tried it the other way and it just doesn't suit me. I'm too independent and not cut out for the subservient role of 'wife'; once it becomes expected anyway. Otherwise, I've very giving.

    • janshares profile image

      Janis Leslie Evans 

      5 years ago from Washington, DC

      What a brilliant way to expound on a comment. Thanks for sharing a bit of your life to compliment someone else's hub. Voted interesting.

    • CloudExplorer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mike Pugh 

      5 years ago from New York City

      Thanks Bill, I do my best to be me, and to speak my mind whereever I sense the need to do so, and with good intentions about 98% of the time.

      Me and my wife have issues for sure, and she actually left just not because I was writing to much about that crazy Hubpages glitch, but she will be bacl, and we do indeed love each other very much.

      So yup living alone isn't my thing at all, I enjoy being married to much to be alone, and I know you feel the same too with Bev. Martie's hub was definitely inspiring enough to bring out this part of me as a writer, and I commend her on making such a awesome effort as well. Cool stuff bro!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      It's a tough question and I answered it somewhat in my comment on Martie's hub. I don't like being alone too much. Too long spent inside of my head is a dangerous thing as I have proven time and time again. Luckily, Bev and I share many common interests so neither of us sacrifices when we are doing things we each like to do. I applaud your honesty here buddy! Keep speaking the truth and people will listen.

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