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Overcoming HubBlock: A Tongue-In-Cheek Guide

Updated on April 30, 2010

It's that time again, you've just hit Hubpages Block. You are so completely writer's blocked that can't even write your own name. What to do? Take heart. Get out from under the bed. You haven't sabotaged your HubScore yet. Read on and be inspired, for you too can achieve the...

Ten Tips To Writing A Hub Fast!

1. Use the word paradigm (as in twenty cents). This is the latest buzzword in academia and beyond. If you really want to be hip, use the term paradigm shift. It doesn't matter if you know what it means  -  -  no one does; it was just invented by those so and sos at ETS in Princeton to give them a new vocab word to confound you with.

2. If you're not sure of your facts, never let that fact slip. Just write It is well known that..., As has been previously established... or Any idiot knows that.... These introductions make you sound like you know what you're talking about. Forget the footnote. Nobody will check, besides, who likes footnotes anyway, they just distract you from the body of the work.

3. Avoid using the term, like, unless you've like, just done field interviews with like, lots of teenagers; or if you are using a simile (look it up).

4. Don't use too many capsules and lots of clip art photos... save the wild stuff for those gag business cards you give to your friends.

5. Avoid excessive use of exclamation points. There is something truly unnerving about too many exclamation points! They make you look like you write for "Cosmo magazine"!! Or "Tiger Beat"!!! That Justin Beiber is soooooooooooooooo cute!!!!

6. For social science or humanities Hubs, always use the word empowered. As in, "It is so empowering to write this Hub. I feel self - actualized and highly effective. I feel I am truly evolving, intellectually and spiritually, as a whole human being. Please please please click on my ads."

7. If you're writing an Hub on a book you haven't read, and you can't find the movie on cable or video, just quickly thumb through the book and pick one character. Then take that character apart from an existentialist perspective. Make sure you repeat their name a lot (and don't misspell it or you'll give yourself away).

For example:

Tess of the D'Urbevilles no doubt felt enormously angst - filled over her name, Tess of the D'Urbevilles. No one else in "those days" (technical history term) was ever called Tess. Also, she wasn't really from the Ville of D'Urbe, hence her constant alienation.

Or, if all else fails, compare any character to Ebenezer Scrooge. Everyone and their aunt has at least heard of him, and, Dickens is respected in most literary circles so he's a safe bet. So try:

Tess of the D'Urbevilles, much like Ebenezer Scrooge, was an underempowered human being, living in a state of alienation in her day. Just about everyone was alienated in great literature, and existentialism is almost as hot as paradigm shifts.

8. To ensure an Hub of sufficient length, try the revolutionary and innovative technique known as Repetitive Redundancy Technique. It's called the Repetitive Redundancy Technique. Here's how it works.

Your original sentence:

Tess of the D'Urbevilles was an unusual woman in her day.

New and Improved Version:

Tess of the D'Urbevilles was an unusual woman in her day. In her day, Tess of the D'Urbevilles was highly unusual. There wasn't anyone like her in those days, not even her mother, because Tess of the D'Urbevilles really was unusual in her day.

9. Other essay - fattening techniques that are highly effective are adjectives and synonyms. Got a thesaurus? If not, drop everything and get one now. There are lots on the web that are available for free. Here's your sentence again:

Tess of the D'Urbevilles was an unusual woman in her day.

With a little help from your hand - dandy thesaurus:

Tess of the D'Urbevilles, a torrid, urban Ville, was an unusual, unique, original and outstanding woman, female, person, in her long, arduous, and challenging day.

Just look at those words! More than double your pleasure! Try combining the techniques in tips number eight and nine and your Hub has written itself.

10. What if your essay is too long?

Yah, right. You're crazy to go over 550 words anyway.

Comments

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    • profile image

      medstudent 

      8 years ago

      Hey Hal,

      Check your Dual Core vs Quad Core post, I left a msg for you there!

      Thanks :)

      medstudent

    • 4FoodSafety profile image

      Kelly Kline Burnett 

      8 years ago from Fontana, WI

      Oh, what a fun Hub! And as a new writer - I really NEEDED this! Excellent! I started out with no topics and then the topics grew - but I do have blocks with explaining and tackling the science topics - will be sure to follow your great suggestions!

    • Joni Douglas profile image

      Joni Douglas 

      8 years ago

      Great tips that make a lot of sense. Oops, common sense, who uses that anymore?

    • emievil profile image

      emievil 

      8 years ago from Philippines

      Darn, I need a paradigm shift (whatever that means). Next time I'll make sure to include that in my hub :D.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 

      8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      (deletes hub series on the coolness of Justin Beiber)

    • elayne001 profile image

      Elayne 

      8 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      Very engaging, charming, pleasing, attractive and attention getting hub. Keep it up!

    • ethel smith profile image

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      Lol. I don't believe YOU ever have writer's block.

    • profile image

      kimberlyslyrics 

      8 years ago

      Thank you for some great pointers

      Well Done indeed

      cheers

      Kimberly

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