ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • HubPages Tutorials and Community

Grandma Marilyn Coming Of Age

Updated on February 4, 2013

Coming Of Age

Usually at the age of 18 a young girl is getting ready to graduate from high school, get their own place (if they aren't going to college and staying with their parents for a while longer), and going out and conquering the world.

Not so with Grandma Marilyn. She had always been a shy and backward girl. She was what I would call a double introvert. If she even thought that someone was thinking bad things about her or that they were mad at her, she would start crying. She was scared of the world as a whole. She could not go up to someone and start a conversation. She was too scared that they would reject her. Now, if someone were able to get close enough to her to start a conversation on something Grandma Marilyn knew, then she could talk with them with no problem. But, never, never could she be the one to initiate a contact.

Photo Credit: Ralph and Jenny, Creative Commons Commercial

scared little girl
scared little girl

The Scared Little Girl

That Would Hide From Her Own Shadow

Grandma Marilyn had learned to fear critism from her life before. She had an abusive step-father that loved to ridicule her. He called her "his skinny alleycat" for so long that she started eating so that she wouldn't be skinny anymore. He was a verbal as well as a physical abuser. Unfortunately, this lead her to become a fat little girl that everyone loved to ridicule and did at every chance they got. Everywhere she turned she was getting ridiculed. As an example, when she was a freshman in high school, she had a crush on a gorgeous blonde god. He asked her on a date one day and when she said she would love to as this was her dream come true, he started laughing and told the world that she actually believed that he would go out with the fat girl. She was crushed and devastated by this event. Needless to say, she didn't go out very much during her high school years. She had one actual date but nothing became of it. She missed her high school prom also because she didn't have a date and would have dared be seen at the prom as a wallflower. She could just imagine the ridicule she would get for that and couldn't stand the thought.

Unfortunately, no matter how self confident She becomes, there will always be that scared little girl hiding in the background to come forward.

Photo Credit: Emily Higginson, Creative Commons Commercial

Girl Reading Book
Girl Reading Book

Lonely Girl

With Only Books For Her Friends

She was one of the unfortunate ones that never had more than one friend. She had Lynn Hepner (Johnson) when she was in elementary, junior high and the beginning part of high school in Merced, California. Then in the last part of high school, she had Janet Read Lotz. Since then, friends have been few and in between until she came on the internet. Of course, on the internet, a person can feel more secure. If people start criticizing you, you can delete their messages and block them from ever contacting you again.

She turned to books as her friends. She loved to read and would read every Nancy Drew book that she could get her hands on. She even read a few of the Hardy Boys book. Books about Horses were her favorites. She really loved horses.

Photo Credit: Walt Stoneburner, Creative Commons Commercial

Wedding Cake
Wedding Cake

Marriage

A Way Not To Be Alone

Her mother had told her that when she became 18, she would have to move out and get a place of her own. Wow! This really brought out the scared little girl. In preparation for getting some money coming in so that she could move out on her own, she was working as a waitress. Being as shy as she was, she never got very many tips. The time for moving out was getting closer.

She dated a few of the older airmen on the base that she lived on but nothing to be lasting. Then when she was a senior in high school in Minot, ND, one guy started asking her out all the time. He was a tall good looking airman from Texas. They were always together when her parents would let her. He would take her to the movies and get something to eat quite often then walk her home. She was falling in love with having someone pay attention to her. During this time, he wanted to have sex with her and she refused because it was in an office he was working in and she was afraid someone would come and catch them. Too bad little girl, he wanted it and took it. That should have been a sign to get away from him quick but he was the only one that was paying attention to her. Mom was working all the time and Dad was either working or at the NCO club drinking. So she kept going out with him. She graduated from high school on May 1968. Then on the 4th of July 1968, he asked her to marry him. She didn't love him but he was offering her a place to live where she wouldn't have to be alone. She felt this was the solution she was looking for; So she jumped at it. They were married October 30, 1968 with his brother as their ring bearer. First husband's mother attended the wedding in Minot AFB, ND.

Years later before her mother died, she told her mother why she married husband #1. When her mother heard, she was devastated and said that is not what she meant when she said that. Much too late to save the scared little girl from all of the abuse and horror that she lived through in the 20 years she was married to this man. Don't get me wrong. There were good times in there, too. But, not enough to make up for the bad.

Photo Credit: Shelley Panzarella, Creative Commons Commercial

mother daughter sillouette
mother daughter sillouette

Note for Parents

Keep Communication Lines Open

Many young girls withdraw into themselves and have fears that no one else knows about. When you make a statement like the one that my mother made, please clarify it, mom and dad. I went through horrors because I misunderstood my mom.

If you are lucky, your daughter will be the type that will become fighters and you will know what is going on in their mind. I raised my daughter to be a fighter just to find out that she had that little scared girl in her, too.

Keep lines of communications open with your children. Be very open around them. Let them know they can come to you with anything....and, I mean anything. Do not over react to what they need to talk with you about. Listen to what they have to say in their own words. Do not interrupt unless your child needs you to answer something. Your time to respond will come after they have told you whatever it was. I didn't feel my parents were open enough to tell them what my first husband had done while we were dating. Maybe if I had things might have been different.

Photo Credit: pallavi damera, commercial creative commons

Please Sign my Guestbook - So I will know you have been here and read my article

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Grandma-Marilyn profile image
      Author

      Grandma-Marilyn 4 years ago

      @TapIn2U: It was hard for me to share at first but then the words just started tumbling out.

    • TapIn2U profile image

      TapIn2U 4 years ago

      Many lessons I realized after reading your lens. Thank you so much for sharing! Sundae ;-)

    • profile image

      miaponzo 5 years ago

      Thank you so much for sharing this with us... :) Blessed!

    • MelRootsNWrites profile image

      Melody Lassalle 6 years ago from California

      What a touching lens, Marilyn! Thank you for sharing this with us.

    • Grandma-Marilyn profile image
      Author

      Grandma-Marilyn 6 years ago

      @LissaKlar LM: I am glad to hear about the book. Thank you for your lovely comment.

    • LissaKlar LM profile image

      LissaKlar LM 6 years ago

      Thanks for sharing your story. I actually own the book and have read "How to talk so your kids will listen; how to listen so your kids will talk" and it is a great book. The techniques actually have helped me a lot as a parent.

    • Grandma-Marilyn profile image
      Author

      Grandma-Marilyn 6 years ago

      @SandyMertens: Thank you, Sandy. I have placed this on your plexo.

    • Grandma-Marilyn profile image
      Author

      Grandma-Marilyn 6 years ago

      @ohcaroline: Thank you for the compliment. I hope it will help at least one person out there.

    • SandyMertens profile image

      Sandy Mertens 6 years ago from Frozen Tundra

      We need to keep the communications open. I felt a pull at my heart reading your great story.

      Angel Blessings! Please add your lens on the Not Zazzle Lens plexo on my August 2011 Zazzle Sales and Blessings

    • profile image

      ohcaroline 6 years ago

      Thanks for sharing a difficult part of your life. I know it will be a blessing to others as they read it. You are one cool grandma!

    • Grandma-Marilyn profile image
      Author

      Grandma-Marilyn 6 years ago

      @Anime-e: Thank you. I wasn't able to learn this overnight. It took me some time.

    • Anime-e profile image

      Anime-e 6 years ago

      such a great lens so much information I want to learn to write like you!! great job!

    • OhMe profile image

      Nancy Tate Hellams 6 years ago from Pendleton, SC

      Oh me! This is so well written and with such great emotion. Communication is so very important.

    • Grandma-Marilyn profile image
      Author

      Grandma-Marilyn 6 years ago

      @GrowWear: Thank you. I almost did not post it because I felt that others would consider it inappropriate but finally hit that publish button.

    • profile image

      GrowWear 6 years ago

      So many scared children in the world and so many parents that don't know it and are completely unaware of the influence they have and how much words can have different meanings to the one who hears them. Open communication is a must. A great story you've shared here.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @Grandma-Marilyn: You were very brave to give of yourself this way. God only knows how many people you will help to get help. I hope your life is happier now. Glad I have gotten to know you a little. PS, You do beautiful beading also.

    • CherylsArt profile image

      Cheryl Paton 6 years ago from West Virginia

      I signed above, but it didn't take, so I'll share it here. My prediction is that scared little girls can grow up to be functioning and assertive adults. I speak from experience. Blessings.

    • Grandma-Marilyn profile image
      Author

      Grandma-Marilyn 6 years ago

      @annieangel1: Thank you for your comment. I almost didn't post it.

    • annieangel1 profile image

      Ann 6 years ago from Yorkshire, England

      thank you for sharing your story - very moving. and I think you are right - there is a scared little child inside all of us

    • Grandma-Marilyn profile image
      Author

      Grandma-Marilyn 6 years ago

      @GiftsBonanza: You are welcome. It yelled at me to write it so I published it.

    • Grandma-Marilyn profile image
      Author

      Grandma-Marilyn 6 years ago

      @happynutritionist: It is so much easier than I thought it would be. I used to have a problem writing about myself but the more I do it, the easier it becomes.

    • profile image

      GiftsBonanza 6 years ago

      Thanks for sharing your touching story

    • profile image

      happynutritionist 6 years ago

      I have learned so much more about your visiting your lenses tonight, Grandma Marilyn. Thanks for sharing yourself!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      My heart broke for you and I pray that in the writing of this that a healing grace has flowed out to you. Your message may save many the pain and isolation you endured in silence.

    • Grandma-Marilyn profile image
      Author

      Grandma-Marilyn 6 years ago

      @Beaddoodler: Thank you. It is amazing how many people went through what I did.

    • Grandma-Marilyn profile image
      Author

      Grandma-Marilyn 6 years ago

      @Joanna14: Yes, it is very important to share this type of information.

      I was a little worried about having posted this lens. I'm glad I did now. I had intended to write another story. And, had started it but this one keep coming back...I had thought about it the night before. The story wrote itself. I couldn't get the theme to work so did it on my Word document and it was done in less than 15 minutes. That is a first for me. I guess my mind just wanted it to be written.

    • Grandma-Marilyn profile image
      Author

      Grandma-Marilyn 6 years ago

      @MoiraCrochetsPl: 'thank you for commenting. Sorry you had yours, too.

    • Beaddoodler profile image

      Jennie Hennesay 6 years ago from Lubbock TX

      Your story makes my heart ache. It so closely parallels mine. I'm glad you've found someone who doesn't make you scared. Very touching lens

    • Joanna14 profile image

      Christine Hulme 6 years ago from SE Kent, England

      thanks for sharing- so important.

    • MoiraCrochetsPl profile image

      MoiraCrochetsPl 6 years ago

      it must have a very painful life... I hope you're okay now. WE all are prone to being abused because of our innocence. I had mine too...

    • Grandma-Marilyn profile image
      Author

      Grandma-Marilyn 6 years ago

      @jmsp206: I hope that if she ever needs it that she takes advantage of it. My mother thought she had the door open, too...but due to misinterpretation on my part, I didn't think it was.

    • jmsp206 profile image

      Julia M S Pearce 6 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

      A very touching story!The door is always open for my daughter in the knowing that she has a safe place to fall if she is ever in need.