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My Magical Hubhopping Tour: Day Three

Updated on February 12, 2011

Regrets by RealHousewife

Okay, admittedly I cheated here. I didn`t launch the Hubhopper to find this one, it was simply the first hub that appeared on my Hubtivity capsule. The title was attention-grabbing, especially for me who is much more interested in the human experience than in how-to manuscripts (may have written one or two myself though) or critiques of the latest gadgetry out there.

At first glance I thought ``Oh no, this hub is way too short to be any good`` (sorry RealHousewife), but as I read on I realised that it didn`t need to be a single word longer than it was. She told a simple truth, and there is elegance in simplicity. I tend to be rather verbose, and most likely I over-talk the eloquence right out of any points I have to make. I adore it when people can show their vulnerability and expose their weaknesses for the sake of human connection. In a previous hub, I linked to Brene Brown`s TED talk on vulnerability and this hub is beautiful example of what Brene was talking about. If only we could all be a little bit more vulnerable...

While I admire the concept, I must divulge that I have always been a defensive person, highly sensitive to criticism, real or imagined. I inherited that honestly from my dad, who has probably spent the duration of his marriage launching an offensive in order to deflect an impending attack (real or imagined) from my mom. I personally can take criticism much better if you set me up for it, for example by stating ``I hate to criticise you but...`` because then my brain has been warned and can adjust itself in order to process the admonition before reacting and responding. But out-of-the-blue critiques set off that formidable fight-or-flight system in my brain and I arm myself with objection, defensiveness, and poutiness so quickly my brain hasn`t even heard half of what has been said. My worst trait is that I read people`s minds – assuming that another person`s complaints about some occurrence or another are actually hidden accusations directed at me. I am really good at this one – being a CBT therapist has helped me work out the reasons for this, but I am afraid that I am not prepared to be so vulnerable as to share them with you, no matter what you say Brene Brown! Interestingly, I am totally okay with exposing most of my own faults at will, to almost anyone who will hear them. Not in a self-deprecating way, but rather in a self-teasing, here-I-am-like-me-or-hate-me kind of way, and I have no problem sharing my weaknesses with anyone (except for in session, I am a professional after all!). My hope always is that it will encourage those around me to feel okay about any of their insecurities and weaknesses and to know that they will not be judged. Not by me anyway. But while I am okay with sharing my flaws, please don`t ever say you agree, or if you must, start with something like this: ``I hate to criticise you but...``

As for Regrets by RealHousewife... I have none in reading your hub!   

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    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 

      7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      I found my self feeling so connected but laughed so much!! Anyone who has time should watch that video!

    • Nordy profile imageAUTHOR

      Nordy 

      7 years ago from Canada

      Thank you both RealHousewife and Pixienot, it is great to have such nice feedback from inspiring ladies!

      Isn't Brene Brown great? I just wanted to hug her I thought she was so sweet and made such great points. I really got the sense that she was in that place of authenticity where she was totally open to her own worth and able to be vulnerable. I'm glad you liked it RealHousewife!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 

      7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      I really enjoyed the link to Brene Brown's TED talk as well. It was informative, entertaining and I loved it! Thanks so much!

    • Pixienot profile image

      Pixienot 

      7 years ago from Clarksville, Indiana

      I would not call your hub short, Nordy. I would call it exactly what it is - helpful!

      I truly enjoyed it. Thank you.

      Voted up and useful.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 

      7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      You write beautifully, with your heart and mind. I love the way you put your thoughts on paper - it is obvious you are a professional (a great one too)! But your human qualities shine through your wrtiting skills. I am so glad I have your blog to follow- thank again!!!!

    • Nordy profile imageAUTHOR

      Nordy 

      7 years ago from Canada

      And just to point out the obvious - this hub is also very short!

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