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Life as a Foster Child

Updated on October 26, 2012

A throw away kid...

This is my story as a foster child. I hope it helps someone understand us, especially the foster parent. I hope it makes the case workers really listen to us. I hope it changes the system, but I'm afraid it won't.

Me, before it all began...

Me, before it all began...
Me, before it all began...

Don't let me mislead you, I am not a child now, but I remember everything. I remember thoughts and feelings, I remember the looks and attitudes of those around me. I was a watcher, a silent, withdrawn watcher. In a way, I still am.

I was taken from a stay in the hospital to the social worker's office. There I met my younger siblings, ( I was the oldest). I didn't know what was happening, but I don't think I cared at the time. I was already broken at this point. I had already shut down emotionally, a child in a box, detatched, going through the motions. I was 7 years old, and very small for my age.

I had no memory of the particular incident that put me in the hospital. It had just happened, and my mind protected me from the memory, it still does to this day.

Yes, we should have been taken.

Don't get me wrong, child services were right in getting us out of that home. It was horrible there. After my mother divorced my dad she married a psycho. No, really, he was clinically psycho. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and even his parents warned my mother to stay away from him. She didn't listen. She moved in with her very young 5 children. I remember so many horrible moments with that monster. So when I finally ended up in the hospital, it was good that we were immediately taken out of the home, but then came foster care.

This is to all of the foster parents, we don't like you. You have to earn that right. You have to earn our trust, what little we have left, and it won't be easy. Oh, and something else. Don't expect us to be grateful for what you are doing for us. What do we have to be grateful for, anyway? We were ripped from everything and everyone we know. We were thrown to you, and you want us to be grateful? We didn't choose you, and we know you will probably never love us. You are strangers, you are dangerous, you are another set of adults we have to listen to, another set of adults who can hurt us. You have power over us, and we are helpless. Our life lays in pieces around us. We are shattered, damaged, broken. How can you expect us to be grateful?

The five of us

The five of us
The five of us

Of all the foster homes I've been in, one stands out as a shining example above all the others. They were an older couple in Eclectic, Alabama. I only remember their last names, the Hayes, and their son was the local pastor of the church we lived near. This was the first foster home, and I wish we could have stayed, but tragedy struck the family, and then we were gone. I think Mr. Hayes died, which is why we had to go.

Let's not focus on that though, but on how great this couple was. First of all, they NEVER hit us. They just talked to us, and tried to teach us. What matters most is they never hit us, or yelled at us.

We had routine. Everything was structured, and we knew what to expect every day. Don't you see how important that is to us? No surprises, no chaos, no changes. At least while we were with them. I remember regularly eating pancakes for supper and watching Kung Fu on TV. It didn't matter that I didn't understand the TV show that well, it was the tradition of it that was comforting.

The one thing I loved there was sitting on the porch swing and singing. I rarely talked, rarely smiled, but I would sing. It was freedom! It was expression! My siblings would join in, and you clapped for us! You smiled at us. You made us feel special, and you didn't take our song from us.

They NEVER hit us, did I say that already? Yes, it's that important. We know pain, you can't hurt us anymore than we had been hurt already. Does it make you feel better when you make us cry? That is what we've been taught. The Hayes never hurt us or yelled at us. I think they really understood. They were wise and patient. They were good. I truly honor their memory. They were the only ones...

The Worst

We don't like you, and we don't have to. We really don't like you, and we know you don't like us, you just like the dollar sign that comes with us.

I won't give their name, because I don't want to hurt their relatives, but they lived in Red Hill, Alabama. They ALWAYS hit us. Many times. My brother got the worst of it. He was willful. He was only 6 years old. He was a boy without love. Don't you understand that? Why did you make him work so hard? HE WAS ONLY 6 YEARS OLD! He had to feed all the animals before school. A lot of animals for a 6 year old, even horses. He would get the switch if he missed the bus. He would get the switch if he couldn't feed all the animals. He would get the switch for so many things. You taught him anger. You taught him hate. You broke him, and he stayed that way.

I WAS ONLY 8 YEARS OLD! I remember all the work. Washing handprints off the walls. Polishing your silver. Cleaning your oven. Stepping on tiptoes to hang out your laundry. Staying up after you've gone to bed so I could iron your clothes. Washing your dishes. Vacuuming your whole house, upstairs and down. I didn't want to get hit. I still did, and I can't remember why. You made a game of it, jump the switch. We would be lined up, the youngest is 3 years old. Jump the switch while it tore at our ankles and bit into our legs. You enjoyed it.

Why else would you do it? You were paid to hurt us. We stayed with you the longest, and we paid for it.

As if that weren't enough, you made us sing. Wasn't that so cute, 5 little kids singing for your guests. You took the one thing that belonged to us, our voices, and made us entertain your friends. We don't like you or your friends. You sold our voices to your friends.

All the work, all the pain, all the misery, and we never said anything. We learned it didn't matter. We learned there were consequences when you talk.

I remember it being an unusual day to start with. We were going to the store! This didn't happen often, going out. It was a thrilling event, and we were somewhat excited, or at least as excited as troubled children can get.

We arrived and were on our best behavior. Our eyes scanned the aisles, looking for things children look for. Candy, toys, soda, GRANDMA! It was grandma! Our grandma! She was here! We ran to her screaming her name, which was, of course, grandma, and she bent down and scooped us into her arms. We felt love like nothing we've felt before. Our wonderful grandma tried to sneak us out of the store, which was impossible since we made such a ruckus! Instead of being rescued, a man in uniform was called and our grandma was forced to let us go. What started out as a wonderful day became a day of sadness and loss.

Gone

The social worker came today. This means we are leaving, but she didn't take us all. She only wanted two of us, the two little ones. They get in the car and then they are gone. This is something new. Something different. Where are they going? Are they going home? Are they going to Grandma? Why didn't they want the rest of us? Please don't leave us here with these people, please.

The Teacher

Another school. Another teacher. A bunch of kids looking at me. The kids. They are different than me. They are happy when school is over. Not me. I don't want to leave, but I don't say anything. I do what I'm told.

My desk is next to the teacher's desk. I like being close to her. She is nice. I was sitting at my desk silently doing my work when a stick of gum was slid to me. I looked up, and it was the teacher! She smiled. I quietly opened the wrapper and popped the gum in my mouth. She didn't give anyone else a piece, only me. She snuck a stick of gum to me every day after that. Every day I thanked her with a smile.

Teacher, I wish you knew what you really gave me. To you, it may have been a simple piece of gum, a small token of kindness. To me, it was so much more. It was something all my own, something precious no other kid in that room had. That little stick of gum made me feel something I had never felt before... worthy. Some may say you were just giving a stick of gum to a troubled little girl, but I like to think you were listening to God's whisper.

The social worker came today. How many of us does she want? Will I be left here alone? I had to pack too, but I'm so scared. What if the next home is worse than this one? What if they leave me here? I'm a good girl. I have to be good so God can find me. I'll be good if you let me go to Grandma, I promise.

We all got into the car, my two other siblings and I. We went to another home, and the two little ones were there. I remember seeing them, but I was so locked within myself, that I didn't react to their presence. Just standing there, maybe I said "Hi", I don't know. I had to sever the connection to them, because they could leave again. I severed the connection to all my siblings. I existed with them, I didn't live with them. I just stopped living altogether.

It sounds cold, heartless, selfish, I know. I wish I had been stronger, but I was just a kid. I was the oldest, and they looked to me for strength, but I was so dead inside. Oddly enough, they still looked to me when something different happened, something good, something bad, anything. They all looked to me for...what? I don't know. Perhaps they saw my detachment as strength, but it wasn't. It was merely survival.

The Visit With Our Real Daddy

We were ushered into the social worker's car. This usually meant that we were going to stay with a different family, a different set of rules, a different lifestyle, everything different. We were taken to grandma's house! What? Can we stay? Is our nightmare over? Do you know what made this better? Daddy was there. Our daddy. Not someone else's daddy, not a fake daddy, not a foster daddy, OUR daddy! He should have gotten custody of us after the divorce. He could afford it, he had a good job, he worked for the Army Corp of Engineers, but we were given to our mother. Big Mistake. It didn't matter now, because it was daddy, and some woman.

We stayed a few hours, and the dreaded social worker came back. So gullible we are, so naïve, so young! We wouldn't get in the car, would you? But we were offered a soda. A soda? We were fooled into getting in the car for a soda? Yes. Oh, how young we were.

The visit with dad. I'm taking the picture. Notice my siblings clasping their hands?

The visit with dad. I'm taking the picture. Notice my siblings clasping their hands?
The visit with dad. I'm taking the picture. Notice my siblings clasping their hands?

Going Home For Real This Time

I remember standing outside with my siblings. That woman wanted to take our picture. That woman who is standing with my dad. We didn't know what was going on. We have become completely jaded by now. Never trust anyone again. Never. Adults lie. Adults hurt you. Adults are dangerous. Adults can make you do anything they want. Adults have complete power over you, and you are nothing. Never trust anyone. Ever.

We went home, to my dad's house in Titus, Alabama, and that woman lived there too. My dad's new wife. Our step-mom. This will sound cold to those who haven't been there, but for a long time, our house was like another foster home. Do you understand? Another house, another set of adults, another set of rules. We were not normal children. We were not happy-go-lucky kids. At least not the older 3 of us. The 2 youngest don't remember much about foster care, but does that mean they weren't affected?

Our first Easter with dad and new mom. I'm the girl on the left (in the back).

Our first Easter with dad and new mom. I'm the girl on the left (in the back).
Our first Easter with dad and new mom. I'm the girl on the left (in the back).

Rise Above or Fall

It wasn't easy for any of us. Not our father, who had to live with the knowledge of first, losing his children to the ex-wife, and then to foster care. A man denied custody because he was a man, and because he was single (wasn't that ridiculous). Not for our new mom, who had to be a mother to 5 troubled kids she had never met before.

But especially not for us, the kids. This affected us for the rest of our lives. We know that bad things can happen no matter how safe you feel, or how good you are.

But you have a choice...rise above and become one heck of a strong person, or fall. No matter what you feel, no matter what people say, no matter what reasons there are, you can rise above. Don't you see? If you fall, if you let this beat you for life, they win, you lose. You are out of there, away from foster care, away from what put you in foster care, but you are still trapped. You are your own prisoner. Refuse to stay locked up. You have the power now. Don't let your past hurt you or turn you into a shadow of a person.

What I've Learned

I've learned not to sweat the small stuff. I really don't even sweat the medium stuff! It takes a lot to get me angry. I am very patient. I can be really compassionate and empathetic, but only to a point. I expect you to help yourelf. I expect you to be strong too. Don't whine on and on about how bad your life is. Is it really that bad? Don't tell eveyone your sob story because, let me tell you, someone out there can top it, and they don't go around expecting sympathy from everyone.

I am also very logical. It took me some time to learn emotions, or rather, how to show emotion. I'm still learning. I still hide my true feelings a lot, though my Asperger's Syndrome may have something to do with that.

It doesn't take much to make me laugh. I can laugh at the simplest things. Allowing myself to laugh was something I had to learn. It was the easiest to learn, probably because I am so hopeful, even when it seems there's no reason to be! I can hardly understand why I'm so hopeful, but I know just how bad it can get, and I know I am a survivor.

All those other emotions are the ones I still have to work on!

There are many programs set up to help foster children and especially those who have aged out of foster care. Most of them have no real family to fall back on, many are thrust out into the world with nothing but a few belongings. Research shows that 1 in 5 foster children end up homeless, and some studies have found that nearly half of all foster children become homeless at some point after they leave foster care. This is a wonderful site with useful links and many great ideas to help these children and teens: Volunteer Guide. Please check it out!

Times are tough, I know, but they've always been tough for these kids. Help them when no one else has.

Child C: Surviving a Foster Mother's Reign of Terror
Child C: Surviving a Foster Mother's Reign of Terror

Struggle and triumph of a life captured in words.

 

BigHouse Foundation of Lee County, Alabama

A young foundation for foster children founded by Micah Melnick. We need more of these...

Please keep your comments clean. I want to give everyone a voice, but there have been some heartfelt comments I couldn't approve because they were too graphic. I must keep this site accessible, because children of all ages are in foster care and come to this site.

Your Thoughts

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      Letoya Craig 2 years ago from Seward

      Very heartbreaking, story. I was also a foster child as a teenager, from 13 yrs old to 18 yrs old to be exact. You have written exactly what crossed my mind every single day that I woke up, to every time i was switched to another home. Thank you for sharing this.

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      Johnc877 3 years ago

      My spouse and I stumbled over here by a different internet address and thought I might check items out. I like what I see so i am just following you. Appear forward to checking out your web page again. fbageefaccdd

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      chipnskeeter 3 years ago

      I have wanted to be a foster parent since I was very young. My son has grown into a wonderful man and I've been thinking about it again. Reading this story and the additional comments was so very intense and also extremely insightful for someone like myself. A definate advantage and good thing to understand before I approach any child going through such a tragic beginning in life. Love to every child that has been failed by people who should have loved them most.

    • NickHerc profile image

      NickHerc 3 years ago

      Thank you for sharing. You triumphed.

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      Chattycathy52 3 years ago

      I lived in foster care in the south and found at the worst a switch bearing,snuff dipping foster mother who abused us and said "Don't go comparing yourself to my granddaughters". She knew how to lie to the social workers as well as scaring us into silence. I also found a loving home where I wanted to be adopted and got taken away. Foster children live through a hell never understood by normal families.Read my ebook, "Surviving the System-Autobiography of a foster child" through cathykeepstrying@yahoo.com Every foster child has a story!

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      Bellezza-Decor 4 years ago from Canada

      I believe all of you foster children, who claim abuse, have been abused, and the for profit system is the abuser and most of the cruel, for profit, foster parents. This system of abuse will come down and your testimony is not in vain.

    • profile image

      socialwkrdiva 4 years ago

      Thank you for sharing from your heart with complete honesty. I am writing a book, highlighting stories from individuals that have experience in foster care. If you are interested in sharing some of your story and helping children who are currently in care, please check out the90tenproject.com

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      google Pembroke police punch 14-year old girl at Citrus Mental Health facility.

      This is the first recent event at Citrus. The second was the death of one of a child. I know this site is supposed to be positive support. I feel that we must stand with those who are under age and under the power of institutions, foster system, and are normally not believed. I believe these girls because it happened to us at a couple of foster homes, St. Mary's Home for Children in Ambler, PA, Catholic Home for Girls 69th & Woodland, Phila, PA and Tabor Home for Children in Doylestown, PA. We, the kids, normally didn't say anything, but when we did, we weren't believed. As adults, we can stand up for our underage brothers and sisters.

      We KNOW Citrus facility is but one of many all over the country that has sex with children; sells/gives/shares drugs with kids; allows pimps to prostitute children; allows gangs to recruit; that doesn't offer medical help after a fight; doesn't normally intervene in a fight between kids - sure enough called cops when they where getting beaten! This police officer got PLAYED by the facility and perpetuated the abuse of children under whatever excuse he wants to give. I hope there is an investigation into this facility, other mental health facilities and "children's homes." We are no longer subject their lies and manipulations. Stick up for these girls. Remember when you thought you were alone. They need us. Please share!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Crying tonight as one of our own is lost to the system in Citrus, Florida.

      I've decided to let my self feel the pain by listening and crying to "Summertime and I feel like a Motherless Child" by Mahalia Jackson

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: If u still need info I'll help u just email me. angelynehannam1@gmail.com

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am a former foster child I have been good places and bad! But nothing was worse than my real home or loosing my brother and sisters I was the oldest and the protector for them I was the one getting the shit end of the stick but we all got took I was the only one alone they were placed together. And went back to our real home I did not. I wish I could have been adopted by a nice family but when I was 18 I was just sent on my way alone. Now I am a better stronger person and I am adopting my biological sisters baby girl. I am sad about my life but I have moved on and feel like I can make sure my sisters little girl has a great loving home and support :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Sorry Renee. You may be great. We who have been physically, mentally and emotionally tortured need an outlet to express ourselves and get support. We know there are good foster parents and bad ones. Maybe you could start a site for good foster parents so kids and adults can have hope. God bless you and keep you strong in His love.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: God bless you Shannon. You are the one children will remember and hold on to when life gets rough. Take care of yourself.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: George, you are on the right path! As I approach 50 years old, I can see how confidence, love, understanding, good people in my life have greatly increased over the years. It has not been easy even as an adult. Every now and then I had to go to counseling. Each time my life improved. I'm with a wonderful husband who can deal with some of my issues (like don't sneak up on me, occasional depression). I know how to deal with and he lets me take care of myself without reproach. I'll pray for you my brother.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Tami, I had good and bad foster care experiences, yet I chose to call Dept Human Services when I saw a boy suffering from extreme abuse. I prayed for hours before I made the call. The boy is now in the loving care of his grandmother and not his drug addict mom. It hurt to make the call. I was afraid the boy would go through things that I had experienced. I'm grateful to God that a good solution was found.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      One of the best things about the internet is finding stories like this. I know I'm not the only person to ever be placed into foster care, but to hear that others went though the same things that I did and felt the same way about their experiences as I do about mine, is very comforting.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Gary, I had nightmares for years - from age 5 to 44. For me, I accepted Jesus as lord of my life and savior. I pray that God gives you His peace.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      i feel like i wrote this myself...but i never learned how to come back....my email is bradfordg88@yahoo.com, please email me some time :/

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @jeanette-a-rogers: Thank God! I am so happy you have recovered and are enjoying love and life.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: "Opening up" can be dangerous to one's employment and social sphere. I'm 50 years old and noticed over the years that somtimes there is prejudice and discrimination against people who have been in foster care. One has to be careful with whom and how this information is shared. In addition, I noticed that people who love me, including my own brother, are deeply hurt when they find out a hurt that I had endured. I stopped sharing information with my brother and am very careful with my children and husband. Make sure the person is strong enough to handle it.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @imagen4ever: imagen4ever, I love that you mention statistics. One thing that got me as a child is all the statistics counselors, social workers and teachers would point out to me: dead by 18, you'll never love, you'll never reach your full potential. I know, or think I do, that they were educated that some percentage - probably higher than 50 - would fail. When I think back and also deal with teens nowadays, I wonder if it would be better to point out the positive statistics and the characteristics that helped those children succeed. Good luck, your sister in foster care

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I was a foster child back in the 1990's. The state of Florida and Ohio never stepped in or listened until I was 14 1/2. I finally gained the courage to tell someone about the years of abuse I only experienced which I will leave out from my comment. My brothers and I lived a life knowing hunger, beatings, dirty clothes (which were never new or even close to being what the other kids wore). We often lived out of cars or tents- one winter in the north especially stands out where we 3 kids huddled together for warmth under the blankets as the snow lay heavy on the canvas tent. This was not the 70's This was the late 80's. Not a single family member stepped in or made the call despite knowing we were living in that tent, moving place to place, where ever someone would let us pitch it. They turned their head and later gave excuses about how we would have ended up in foster care and they didn't want that because then they would never see us again.I still find that extremely selfish of them and do not give forgiveness for it. I have moved on but I will never forgive their blind eye act to everything I and my brothers endured. Well I finally escaped after a year of constant running away because I found the strength to speak out but even then cops kept handing me back over telling me to shut up because I had "parents that loved me". That is where it cemented my distrust of others who are in control or have authority. There is a special place in Tampa called "Beach Place Runaway center", right there on the bay, someone directed me to that the last time I was able to get away. They listened. They did not hand me back over. The state never took my brothers away from them. Our parents had them so brainwashed about what would happen to them if taken away, they were scared to speak the truth and lied.

      I got lucky. I got a family who showed me a world I never knew. I gained sisters that I still communicate with to this day. My fosters parents were patient with me. They made me feel safe. I also gained about 20 pounds because I could eat whenever I wanted and experienced foods like shrimp or when we had oyster bakes, they were especially mind blowing for me. I had very little knowledge of such common things- like discovering what hair conditioner was which I thought only "the rich kids" used such things when they first introduced me to it. My experience with foster care was positive. It made the difference in my life that may have only been 3 1/2 years long but it was enough to shape my future into a better outcome. I have some positive parenting to look back on for the raising of my own children. That man & women raised foster children for 30 years and enjoyed it. I was one of their last before he retired from his job. I will forever call her my Mother and he my Father. The ones who gave birth to me are only referred to as birth parents and their first names.NEVER referred to otherwise. I married a man who came from the other side of the tracks- the middle class all american family side. He is amazing and can not wrap his mind around what my life was like BUT he's patient when I have "moments". His parents truly deserve the worlds greatest grandparents which my children would vouch for. I advise others that unhappy beginnings may take time to move past and grow away from but eventually if you keep strength & determination, you will grow past it.Nothing comes easy. Think of long term results and not just instant/short term. The domino effect with a "past" can fall hard if your not careful. There are scars and possibly wounds that never heal but only YOU can make the future better.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am a current foster kid. What you have said in this article is completely true. I'm in an amazing group home now and it's run by the win shape foundation. This is a special kind of foster home which allows children to stay forever. And the statistic about foster kids not becoming successful is not true in this place. We have many advantages that other homes don't. This is why truett Cathy made it. But still the feelings of loneliness, and abondonment are very common. I lost hope but then found it. There was a point when all was hopeless, but I have found life! Life is rich and it can only get better. Too all those foster kids reading this, don't give up! Keep pushing, never stop! Look for the light at the end of the tunnel, you can do it, you have it in you, that's why you were put there, because YOU CAN DO IT!! An ordinary person will never understand what it's like to be a foster child. Never understand loneliness, hopelessness and feelings of rejection. They will never know what it feels like to have the whole world against you. But God placed you there for a reason, so make the best of it. No one will ever be as tough as you. Don't become another statistic. Become successful, and prove to everyone you can do it. I've been a foster kid for 8years and I'm a junior in high school. I have a bright future ahead of me and life is really good now. God bless you foster kids!

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      LauraCarExpert 4 years ago

      This is very touching!

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am a "foster" parent. I quote foster b/c I feel I am to be A PARENT to any child that comes in to my life regardless of whether I physically birthed them or not or we share the same blood... and they are loved and cared for as such...

      I first want to THANK YOU for writing this! SO many people that want to become parents NEED to understand the mind of a child that is taken in to care. We DO have these made up fantasies that we are going to open up our home and be a mommy and a daddy to a child that "needs" one and for that, this child will be so grateful and unconditionally love us back. "Foster" parents, love from these children HAS TO BE EARNED and WE need to provide the unconditional love. To those that are out there that want to "take kids in" and have them work FOR YOU (doing the chores that were once yours, and still should be) and have some demented reasoning of how that's actually going to teach them to one day be productive in society, like you're doing them a favor, do us all a favor and don't open your home. If there is ANY other intention other than loving this child through thick and thin and teaching them THIS core life skill, don't open your home. If you're not willing to wake up every night, probably several times, and cuddle with a child or sleep on their floor or the foot of their bed b/c they wake in fear, don't open your home. You NEED to be fully committed to helping this child heal. These children NEED you to be fully committed to loving them regardless. If you feel you need to put your hands on them because they need correction... it better be to give a hug, because THAT'S what they need to be corrected!

      Anyway, I could go on all day. But Thank you! I am so sorry that you and your siblings had to endure all that you did. I pray that God continue to heal you the way He has been and that you continue to share your raw thoughts. It only takes 1 to start a radical change :)

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      As a mom who has adopted three children, one from foster care, my motive is love. I do not see dollar signs, and it makes me sick to think the others foster just for income. Sickening. If I wanted to make money, I wouldn't have adopted my children. I have friends who foster, however, and they also love with all their hearts. I am sorry you have experienced people doing it for income, but yes, I know they are out there.

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      imagen4ever 4 years ago

      I am doing a paper for soc. class and was wondering if I could reference your story. I was a former foster child and want to help people see us as real people not just statistics.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I think more and more foster children will eventually be able to open up more if they hadn't been weakened by the system. Come together and don't be afraid to open up your experiences and the damages and effects it had made in your life. Maybe then others will realize they're not alone.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: You never learned how to come back - to this blog or from "normal?" Cause you know that no one is "normal." Work on the inside - your heart, self-talk, taking risks with trusting others ...takes time but worth it!

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: You deserve it too!

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: I noticed that in my church too. Isn't it odd that the system is afraid of people who beleive in God? I wonder if other religions have experienced the same thing.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @Camp April: I'm not so sure if people who have not been through the system can ever understand. It is also very painful for them.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Sounds like you are more concerned about yourself than your children. Have you tried counseling?

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I know that you've probably gotten many comments like mine, but I just want to say that your article or autobiography or whatever you want to call it really made me think. I come from a family who loves me, so I've lived a sheltered life. It's only just now that I realize that others don't have it as good as me. So I just want to say thank you for writing about your life and letting others like me know.

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      jeanette-a-rogers 4 years ago

      @anonymous: I so applaud you for making it thru the hell you had to go thru. I was one of 10 foster children. I was sexually, physically and emotionally abused. I have spent 25 years in and out of therapy healing my childhood wounds.. I am stronger and now am in charge of my life. I am so sorry for all you had to go thru, but one thing I know I will never let the abusers win. This gift of healing is something I have done. It is my gift to little Jeanette. I too lost a lot of the brothers and sisters I had in the foster home. I just found my one foster sister on Facebook and we are now connected. I wish you all that is good. God Bless u.

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      jeanette-a-rogers 4 years ago

      I cried when I read your story. I was one of 10 foster children, I was sexually, emotionally and physically abused by this family. I was taken from my mother when I was around 2 yrs old. I have literally lost the only family I know. I recently got touch with one of the foster sisters that lived me me. She confirmed my story of abuse, even tho she said she was not sexually abused. I know the pain of not having a real family. I know the anger having been abused. I have spent years in therapy healing those wounds. I am no longer a victim. I am assertive, I love the person I have become and have much empathy and compassionate for those who have been abused. There is hope. My healing is a gift to that inner child I once was. Today I have love in my life because I accept the love given to me. I am lovable. I no longer believe the lies told to me by this family. I lived with this family until I was 16 and then lived with their daughter until I married at 23 yrs old. I call this family terrorist. I lived in terror until I left the state and married. No one, absolutely not one will ever abuse me again. I am a survivor!!!!!!!!! My hope is for all those who were abused that they too have that same hope i have.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      also in the beginning you said that you still remember the feelings and everything. i dont think we can ever forget the things we go through, i know i cant! i am 17 and i still have nightmares of what happend in those homes. im glad there are some that can try to change the minds of others

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My parents are going into fostering and i know a lot are bad at this but mine will be amazing and they will love who ever we get and so will I. I already do, it will be unconditional no matter what and we know it ll be hard and we re not expecting anything back but we will keep them safe and we will protect them. We are a very animal based family and we have a lot of empathy .

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I cried reading your story, as I can empathize, while not a foster child my brothers and I were mentally abused by our alcholic dad and sometimes he physically hurt us too. It is sad that our mom endured in this marriage for as long as she did. Years later I grew to see she wanted to make it work because getting divorced was against her religion. I hope you all are doing as best as you can--I hope you all are able to smile and laugh and enjoy your lives--yo so deserve it and more

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      Loretta Livingstone 4 years ago from Chilterns, UK.

      My heart breaks for you and your siblings. I hope that things are better for kids now. I don't know what to say, just to let you know I care.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I'am a foster parent and have been one for two weeks and i so agree with you,I'm so that parent that does not spank and i give the chores like clean your room show them how and ect and we have a blast my heart goes out to anyone who miss treats a foster care regardless of age ,race they need love like anybody else would. I know i have only had them two weeks i will be there third foster home and we are so in love with them i so want to keep them so my heart breaks for the ones who got beat and unloved or even miss treated i just cant imagine so sorry amy jones!

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      Thank you for your story, I am a foster parent who loves all the children who come into my home, I truly mean that, I am so glad that most of my children eventually went home, as I've tried to keep good relations with the parents and have tried to help them to get the kids back. But I must tell you, the ministry makes it very hard for the good foster families, because they actually care for the kids, they only help the foster parents who are out there for the bucks. They aren't there working with the good homes, that's why their isn't many good homes out there. I am so sorry children have to go through what you have experienced, my heart goes out to you. From someone who cares.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My brother and I were in 7 different foster homes from when I was 6 to when I got pregnant at the last one at 15. I am 55 now and I am still having a hard time dealing with my emotions, At times I think of how strong I am to have survived all the hurt and heartache. Other times I am angry for what that life did to me and I get very depressed. I have been in counseling for 15 years.I just wish my children understood what I went through.I guess I'll just keep being grateful for what I do have

    • Camp April profile image

      Camp April 4 years ago

      Thank you for being so open and sharing this experience with the world. I too was a foster child and find it challenging to help those around me to understand me at times. I will be sharing this lens with them. God Bless and may you always be a survivor who thrives versus a victim to gave into him/her.

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      Matie 4 years ago

      This lens moved me all the way through 2012, made me research on a reality that's widely ignored. Thank you very much for sharing this with us.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      Thank you so much for sharing your story.

      I have two children now but my dream was to adopted a child. My uncle was adopted by my grandmother and he is an amazing person. I feel I have so much love to give but didn't know what your side was. I learned a lot. Thank you very much.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      When my children were apprehended I felt beaten , punched , Head kicked in , Guts wrenching I was still breastfeeding them The nights were so long I could hardly sleep I was so sad I went to Al Anon meetings for support I couldn't go to church I was in so much pain! Felt psychologically being manipulated to give up breastfeeding caz authorities said I was mentally I'll! But regardless of mental illness Mentally ill Mother's need to breastfed their babies even if just for 6mos til solids are introduced ! I loved breastfeeding my children for 4 years! What am adventure it was!!

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      victoriahaneveer 5 years ago

      Thanks for sharing your story. I have no experience with the foster care system but I found your lens very interesting.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      i loved reading your story! i was in a foster home as well and what you had to say was true to the core. people need to realize that we were put in a foster home because of the pain and suffering and causing more just breaks us further. all we need are people to show us that we are loved and that we matter. I've been adopted with my biological sister now for 14 years, we live great lives and are good people and i have the great parents that knew exactly what they needed to do and just what was missing in our lives to raise two great kids.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I know what you were going threw every time a foster child comes to my house I ,ake them wellcome and be the most kindest person on earth I am sorry of what happend to you

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      Dorian Bodnariuc 5 years ago from Ottawa, Ontario Canada

      It is a very sad and moving story, very well written, I couldn't stop reading.

      Please accept my compassion and a few tears for your sufferings.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I have been looking for information to better understand my father. He was one of 8 who were put in Foster Homes after their mom died. Dad was two. I couldn't understand how my dad could divorce my mom after 22 years and not maintain a close relationship with me. After reading so many of these stories I now know he didn't know how to be a dad. He's gone now and I can't talk to him about this so I'll have to work it out. Thank you for helping me along the path.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I am currently a law student with a focus on famil law. I am giving a class presentation in a week and I am doing research on foster care. I was wondering if you (or any other former foster youth who have commented on the story) would mind telling me the story of the day you were taken from your bio family, including your emotions, time of day/night, explanations given, environment, etc.

      Thank you.

      LeviLaw2014@gmail.com

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      psk09 5 years ago

      Wow, that was a very touching story.

      It also stirred up so many different emotions: sympathy, anger...

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      saintsgoalltheway2010 5 years ago

      I have met people in my lifetime who had experiences life as a child and as a teenager living in foster homes and they have been emotionally traumatized to the point that it carried over into adulthood. In some cases, I feel that some of them didn't get the proper counseling or therapy whether it would be psychaitric or psychological that it has made it herder for them to be able to let go.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: It's interesting that you make this point. I am a freshman in college, and I am doing my research paper on foster care vs. family intervention. My research suggests that foster care can be good, but more often than not, it is harmful to the children in some aspects.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Thanks so much for sharing your story> i have my panel meeting to become a foster parent in a few days, i pray to god i am approved as i have so much love to give to a child xx

      god bless all of you xx

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Thank you for sharing you story with the world maybe if more people our willing to put their story out there for the world to read, we could come up with a better sysytem in which childern are raised if they can't be with thier family. Your words will help with my essay on this subject.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Hi Debra,

      I am a fellow foster care alum and I am putting together a anthology of writings based on Foster Care experiences. Please consider contacting me on facebook or through email to discuss possibly including your writings. I have not put formal calls out for submissions yet but I stumbled on this site and I like your writing.

      Dominique Marsalek

      Dominique-marsalek.com

      dominique.marsalek@gmail.com

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Your story is so inspirational, especially your words around not being a victim. As Alumni of the foster care system (I aged-out of foster care at 21), we can and MUST Rise Above but even more importantly, we have to unite our voices to motivate and inspire each other. Thank you for sharing your story. I started a blog, FormerFosterTalk, as a way of sharing mine. I do hope you'll stop by and share your thoughts. www.formerfostertalk.wordpress.com. Blessings to you in all you do and if I can be of a resource to you in some way, please let me know. www.mfyrc.org

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      bezabeza 5 years ago

      This is very very moving. Thank you so much for sharing xxx

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      This was very moving. You can feel your pain whilst reading, thank you so much for sharing, I hope with all my heart that you are all back together again and have love surrounding you. xo

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Hi Nicole, It is your mother s loss she will wake up one day but it will be too late, she will hopefully regret what she has done to you. It is true we make our own path in life think positive thoughts and the universe will look out for you and give to you a life of love happiness that you can share with others moving forward. I m from a broken home as well and I decided long ago that I would give live, be kind to people that deserved it and always treat people with respect and that nothing in life would come easy and that I would fight for what I wanted. Today I have a family of my own and we are waiting to foster another child.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Thank you for sharing your story my family and I are waiting to become foster parents and I can't wait to give another child a loving home. We have two children of our own and really want to help someone that's missing love. I would like to think that there are some good loving and careing humans left in this world. What I hope for is to put a smile back on a child's face and fill the heart with love. I am not a selfish person and truly believe I was put here to help others. Thank you again for sharing with us your story and that you have now found a happy life.....

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      oh my god this is so sad...in currently 20 im 21 in a couple of weeks i cant wait till i have a bigger house and can give children the love support play in the parks let them experience things they may never have done before...this subject is soo close to my heart i just want to give a child some stability sone routine some freedom just let them find them self and be them oh i cant wait to help the young children that need a family so they most deffinatly go though what you did...:s

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Wow! What a story it breaks my heart to hear everything you have gone through as well as your sibilings. My husband and I are thinking about becoming foster parents and I could never even imagine treating a child the way you were treated. When I first started to read your story I was offended. I thought how can she say foster families are not here to help and they have to earn your trust. As I kept reading I realized that the trust part was so true and if I do become a foster parent I will keep that in mind. I grew up with a brother who has asbergers so I know the struggles that ha ing that can cause. I am thrilled to hear that you have been able to rise above and thrive. Thank you for sharing your story.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      thanks for sharing made me in tears ive been in forster home for the last 7 years now and its still hard

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      EbooksFreeWeekl1 5 years ago

      Thank you for sharing this lens. I too was a foster child; in a very abusive one which I could have devoted my life in causes and campaigns. Your advice about rise above is close to my heart.

      I decided to embrace anonymity for now and succeed by learning to enjoy helping others as well with different avenues. Keep up the great work :)

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Hello from a foster mom- Just wanted all that may read this to know that most foster parents are not in it for money. I loved all my children and in my heart there was no difference between natural and adopted. Give your foster parents a chance to give you the love they have in thier hearts

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      crtneydiamond 5 years ago

      why can,t it be explained to a child what's going to happen when their going to be examined for sexual abuse In comes a old male doctor that the child never seen before and he forces her to do the examine To a child this is a rape of their person mind and soul Then the so called enlighten social worker says since she was so upset its a sign she was molested rather than simply a sign that the child has always been taught that no one touches her privates This a shy traumatized

      seven year old who's being kept from her mother . The background for the removale was that the mom was attacked at her home by three people she called 911 then ran into the street to try an get their tag number Lilly followed and an was standing in the driveway the Sheffield police said shed been left home alone they botched the investigation an now this family is paying for it because she a single mom with no resources and the children are paying the price DHR and the Police are never wrong unless you have a high powered lawyer to put them in their place they have ruined so many lives and they justify by say their just doing their jobs if only they would look at each case with more insight empathy do what's right for each child rather than just a case to close I wonder if the average citizen knows how close they are to being on the other side of the law' based on what their accused of and their ability to prove their innocence God help the children. From a family torn apart will the tears never stop.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I am sorry for your experiences. I became a foster care worker in 1978 and I got kids on my caseload that had not seen their worker in months- I changed that for those children placed in my basket- eventually the state did make it a law that the caseworker had to visit. I also created treatment plans long before our Agency did to help parents know what needed to be done get their children home. I also worked with fathers to get their children, and was the first to ask a mother to pay child support- you would have thought I was talking Martian. I retired 28 years later. There are a lot of problems with foster care-I wish there were better preventative services but there are not. I made mistakes- some small some not so small. I learned the hard way that some people are very good liars. Whenever I made a mistake that effected a child- I apologized to that child. I taught the children on my case load to sing silly songs, I would play tea party and let the little ones comb my hair and was told once by a darling little black girl that white people come in funny colors and she proceeded to explain it to me and ended with and some are spotted like you- I have lots of freckles. She also told me once that I had white people's hair and I said I was a white person- she looked at me and said no you aren't. I also had my kids write essays when they got out of line- my favorite was a 12 year old who had a major attitude problem and I was just trying to keep her with her siblings until her mother got her home it was only weeks away- So I told her to write and essay about why it is wrong to have a bad attitude with some people- She started out saying that you do not need to have a bad attitude with some people like teachers, police and my caseworker because she might make you write a stupid essay like this. Loved it. But I also know that there were workers that came and left during those years that should not have ever been workers. To do foster care and do it right- you have to be able to take the really mean things people will say to you, and you have to find a way never to treat a person except with dignity- anything less is just wrong. I am glad that you are doing well. One thing I miss since retiring was that occasionally some of my children would look me up as adults to tell me that I had helped them and the funny thing is that often I was concerned that I was not.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Thank You for being a voice for all the foster children out there!! Telling your story helps anyone who is involved with the Foster Care system or foster children themselves!! I am a CASA worker, advocating for kids in foster care, kids that do not have a voice that desperatly need one!! I will share your story and pass it along!! Thank You!! I wish you a world of happiness, a world without fear and physical pain, you deserve it, just as all children deserve to be happy!! I send my heart to you!

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I read this story and I had a tear fall down my face. I knew I wasnt alone out there but I always felt like I was. I am 24 years old now and I just got out of prison. I am tring to rise above but sometimes its hard. I was in foster care for 15 years and I aged out at 18. During that time I had 74 placements. Some good some bad. But I moved around so much that even someone who showed me love didnt help cause I would get moved soon and the next one would not be as nice. I shut myself off from everyone. No one could get close to me.

      I was taken from my mother when I was 3 because she had gotten high and thought there were bugs crawling under my skin. So she took a knife and cut me all over my arms to get them out. I honestly think that if I had stayed with my bio-mom I would have died. But on the other hand I am surprised that I have survived foster care and being on my own. I was ripped away from my sister when I was 8 years old. We were living in a lesbian foster home. I was forced to eat something that I didn't want to. I ended up puking it up from the force of it being shoved in my mouth. I was then grabbed by the back of the neck and had my face shoved into it so hard my nose started bleeding. I was then made to eat it all again. The next day I went to school and the teacher saw the bruise on the back of my neck and called CPS. At lunch I was called into talk to this lady. I sat quite and then exploded into tears and told the truth. Later that day that same lady showed up at my house with 2 ploice officers. My sister and I were handed a black garbage bag to put what we wanted to take. My sister and I were used to the drill but something was very different about this time. Jennie got into one police car and I another. I watched and she screamed my name and cried. I watched her drive away. There was nothing I could do. My tiny 8 year old fists did nothing to that bullet proof glass. I dont think I have ever felt as defeated as I did at that moment.

      I have made a lot of bad choices but I think I have finally learned from them

      My goals in life now:

      Become a counslor who specializes in foster children

      Train foster parents

      Start an aftercare program

      and last but not least

      write a book

      I havent made it yet but I am sure that I will

      if you have any advice or comments please feel free to email me

      jessikahramsey@yahoo.com

      Thank you for doing this so I know that I am not alone and that I can do this

    • OMENA777 profile image

      OMENA777 5 years ago

      Thank you for your story. I am happy that you made it and it has made you a stronger person. I can empathize with you. I ended up in a orphanage with my 4 sisters. I wrote a lens on it.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I thank you very much for this small real story and understandably its so much more, that is just never touched upon. I'm another of these children and it really reached me and helpped my understand so much more. Sorry tears in my eyes, I'm so much older now just have never been able to put it together. Again thank you so much. I really appreciate this little piece of life. Take care.

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      Hramaglia 5 years ago

      @dc64 lm: No it doesn't. It took years for me to heal and it wasn't love that did it. fromfostertofabulous.com coming next month. You will understand so much more after you read this. It takes so much to heal from the devastation from abuse and foster care, it's unbelievable.

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      Hramaglia 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Yes they can heal. It will take most of their lives, and a great deal of strength and determination. I too was foster, i have a book coming out next month. Feel free to visit my web site fromfostertofabulous.com and read a three chapter preview. There are brighter tomorrows on the horizon for foster children, but we as a community is the bridge to their tomorrows!

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      Hramaglia 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Misty, I can't make any promises, but this is what I do in Georgia. I am going to Washington DC for an award next week, but shoot me a line to keep in touch. hramaglia@fromfostertofabulous.com. I too was foster. My book will be coming out next month From Foster to Fabulous. WWW.fromfostertofabulous.com. read a three chapter preview. There is light at the end of the tunnel my friend. You must reach for the stars and change your path for a better tomorrow. Stay in touch and I will guide you my friend.

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      Hramaglia 5 years ago

      @anonymous: OMG, i am so sorry Nicole. I don't quite understand your story, but know that there are others like you. My heart breaks everyday for children like us. Please know that you CAN reach for the stars and become someone wonderful. Take you future into your hands today and forge a path to success. Show your mother that the garbage she thought she was throwing out, was really a diamond in the rough. I hope you will stay in touch with me.

      www.fromfostertofabulous.com. email me at hramaglia@fromfostertofabulous.com. I care about you and you WILL have someone to do life with, even if from a distance. I've been there!!!!

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Iam a fostered child, my mother chose her own husband over me. its hard each day as i cant see my little siblings that i love so dearly. they are my heart and soul and my mother will not let me see them, i hope that one day they will give their heart and soul to see me and re-connect with their lost sister that wasnt around when they grew up through their most important years.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Life is an endurance competition. I miss my 6 foster sisters and two foster brothers. I often think about them. "where are they, how are they, what happened to them" We spent the most valuable part of our lives with each other. I am strong, I am weak. My feelings change daily. My life with the normal people is a challenge that I can endure. They don't know me but I know them. So far I haven't met one of the normal ones that I would trust telling my story to. I already gave the normals enough of me and they are not deserving to take my story from me.

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      guitar for dumm 5 years ago

      Oh and I wondered, did you ever think of writing a biography and selling it through Kindle publishing Services at Amazon? If you'd like to know how to get started there, just send me a message here on Squidoo.

    • guitar for dumm profile image

      guitar for dumm 5 years ago

      You have actually inspired me to start work on another lens about this very subject. I was taken from my mother when I was one and a half on a "short term respite". I never saw her again until I was 16. She passed away a few years later. God bless you, from one of the lost children,

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      hi my name is misty and im also curently in foster care and i have been in it for seven years now and im 17 and soon to be out on my own i want to know that if there is some one out there who will help me try and find a place of my own here in kansas i also want to go to collage to become a vet tech if any one could posibly help me i would really aprecate it plz shoot me an email at miss19954u@yahoo.com

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Adopted, 6 foster sisters, 2 foster brothers, I miss everyone of them, but each of us took a little part of each other with us. Love your story!!!

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      Author

      dc64 lm 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Wow, thanks!

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Bless you!!! We need a billion more like you!!!

      I aged out and was left to flounder through life on my own. In my thirties I read a book that told me how to make a good decision. It changed my life. Today....... life is different.

      www.fromfostertofabulous.com One little girl's journey through abuse, foster care, aging out and life beyond

      Helen is a former foster child who lived a life of constant trauma and despair. But today, Helen is a new author, founder and executive director of a 501(c)(3) nonprofit - Fostering SuperStars, A 2012 Congressional Angel in Adoption Award winner, a speaker and advocate for foster children, a volunteer for One4Life â a nonprofit mentoring program for foster children she helped design, a volunteer for KidS3 â a nonprofit program that sends foster children to life skills camp, a wife, and a mother of 2 biological children and 2 foster adopted children. Helen is very involved in her church, is a child of God and a woman of passion.

      From Foster to Fabulous - A little girl destined to failure, confined by abuse, and traumatized by foster care; is inspired by faith to succeed.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: You are AMAZING!! You CAN do it. The children NEED you!! Please visit my site www.fromfostertofabulous.com REACH for the stars and DON'T let go. If you need someone to follow you and keep you going, please feel free to reach out to me! I am here for you! From a former foster who aged out and was left all alone.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Just wanted to stop by and say hi, and I hope things are going good for you. I think of you once in a while. God Bless! :)

    • dc64 lm profile image
      Author

      dc64 lm 5 years ago

      @anonymous: You sound like you are in a bad situation now. Talk to a teacher or your counselor at school, they can help you a lot. When I was in foster care, there was no such thing as 'internet'. Now the older children have access to a lot of information and they can connect with others. Not all foster homes are bad, and for some kids, it is the best thing that ever happened to them.

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      Author

      dc64 lm 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Love heals all wounds.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I'm an adoptive mother and your story breaks my heart. I can picture my daughter being ripped away from her brother (whom we also adopted) and moved from home to home. My kids make me crazy at times, but your story is a reality check for me. Good Lord. Will my kids ever really heal?

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: i understand what u saying because iam liveing with my so called mother right now my mother was on herion and more and i had drugs in my system and my real mother didnt want me and my so called mother still bring that up in my face and i dont like that because that is wrong it just make me cry because she treat me like a dog she always wanna fight me and beat me up for no reason she always saying that iam trying to tell her what to do but i dont be telling her nothing i just be like okay and that all she and her family throw up in my face

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      i want to come to foster care but iam scared because everybody tell me something might happen to me?

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      This is one of the most personal and honest Squidoo lenses that I've ever read. A remarkable lens. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      My husband and I have become foster parents to two amazing children recently. We consider ourselves "caretakers" while their parents get better. We do our best to encourage optimism in the kids in regards to their parents situation and we do really hope they both get to go home. We have three biological children of our own; and I hope that if we ever made mistakes like our foster children's parents have that someone out there would hopefully love our children and care for them while we straightened ourselves out. I do my best to encourage the kids to write letters and we send pictures to the kids extended family. It's pretty damn heart breaking when they come back from a scheduled visit and their mother did not show again. It just tears my heart up to know that they feel so abandoned and unwanted by her....like they are not worth getting clean for. I never say a word in a negative fashion but oh my I blow off steam when I take my run by my self. I just want them to feel loved and know that we will do everything we can to help them to grow up to be confident, happy adults one day.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      hi im sadie well i was in 2 foster homes in two months i went home thank god.well im currently 17 im wanting to be a case worker because mine was horrible.i would really appriciate and advice any one has for me my eail is sadielane98@yahoo.com ive heard alot of horrible stories some with not being able to connect with thier families agian so for sure i will be checking out any foster home before i even send a child thier.when i went i was 14 little girl and i was pregnant my second foster home had a son well his friend was over and said "hit that" like seriously i was 14.i want to be the best social worker so will some one please give me advice cause i was only in foster care for a short time. by the way im so sorry your case worker dident do her job in finding you a safe home or place to stay at and im also sorry for your siblings also im not sorry for you im actually happy for you all it made you the strong adults you are to day keep up the good work.

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      TwistedWiseman 5 years ago

      I also had the risk of being taken into a foster home but fortunately it didn't happen, but that would have been the better deal considering that I was stuck with a sadistic bitch of a mother. Be strong be proud, you made it!

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I am glad you wrote about your experiences of being a child in the foster system. I have been thinking about fostering, and your story has helped me to better understand what a foster child goes through and what foster parenting is about. Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure it wasn't easy. Take care and peace be with you.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Hello,im glad there is another like me out there that is

      Tried of being broken and thrown away.

      At 5 yrs old my life changed,heartless,pain,rejection,

      depressed,heart shredded into pieces that u couldnt

      never imagine. Life then was like the earth fell and i fell

      i fell with it. The foster parents,after foster parents,a

      after foster parents, then bigger orphanages, then

      so many more,till i was sick,not sick but asking why

      Me. I hated myself plus everyone i came in contact with

      i was hurt,sad,left out besides wanting God to take me out

      Then age ten came and got adopted yeah that lasted

      About 3 yrs,what a delightful feeling, sucide an every thing else came with that

      well i fault for yrs to find my mom,dad,bother,sisters

      just say i wasted a decade to find that they did care

      about me anyway, i found my dad died,my mom could care less

      ,my brother is fare,my two sisters,one i met is very

      cloudy,the other never seen but taught to her she is in

      Michigan,and that is one i living out still hurt can be anymore.

      Forgive,forget,lost. They say blood is thicker then water,whatever.

      you have to forgive me i let emotions get in the way.

      Well for now that's enough i've got more to say don't have

      Time got to go to work!!!!!!!!!! Theres more to come that

      will blow your mind.Thanks alot to all social services,

      And to foster parents,what a life u gave me

      and all the millions or trillions around the world.