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I Can't Die Yet

Updated on December 26, 2014

My Life Would Soon Change Forever

At nineteen years having done more than most people would in a lifetime there was still much ahead to do. My parents brought us up in luxury but we were far from rich. We lived just a few minutes walk from Bondi Beach and everything was looking rosy when disaster struck.

Having left school under pressure at 14 it was my intention to further my education somehow. Education was considered unimportant for a girl in those days because working to earn a living was the accepted thing. It was expected that girls would just marry and raise a family, like mum did From my earliest memory my ambition was to be a doctor and the school made it known that my abilities could get me there. But of course my parents could not afford the expensive university fees, aside from everything else.

It was up to me to get there the best way possible and my determination led me into some superb opportunities before my higher education was completed at the Sydney Technical College at night in all the subjects needed for medicine. The results of the exams proved that the university could accept me. So what went wrong?

Picture shows me (right) with two friends at Narrabeen Lakes at around 18 years of age. It's a bit grainy due to age.

Just a little would do
Just a little would do

If Only I had the Money

The Fees were exorbitant

The fees for a medical degree were really high, around 350 pounds in old money, and equivalent to probably $4,000 plus in today's money, per term But what was that to me. Somehow it had to happen.

With my Matriculation in hand and the qualifications to get in the next thing was to get a job and earn enough money to pay the fees. An advertising agency took me on and it was a great place to work. Before long I was involved in doing the advertising schedules for many top notch companies like Caltex, Nestle, and so on. It was nothing for me to take the work home at night to ensure the schedule was ready for the executives the following day. They seemed to love me and before long I was being asked to take on extra responsibilities. It was right at the time when television was kicking off in Australia and we were taking on shows from America that my Agency were bringing here as part of the sponsorship provided by the Companies.

Sunday night saw the Caltex hour, for instance, when a great movie would be shown to allow promotion of its products. During this time personalities from radio and television became not only known to me but good friends. One day a couple of guys approached me in the Coffee Shop downstairs (our offices were now in Caltex House) and started a conversation about a new show they were taking on. It was called 'Accent on Youth'. I had seen it briefly on one or two occasion and was not impressed.

"Norma", one of them said. "If we were to change things with this program what would you do?". My brain was buzzing with all kinds of changes that needed to be made.

They were so impressed that before coffee was over I was on the team as a director. They followed my suggestions to the letter and the show was a smash hit and the new announcer, Brian Henderson, whom we recruited during his three week holidays from radio station 2CH or 2SM came aboard and never left. Later the name of the show was changed to Bandstand and it became the longest running live television show lasting over 20 years on air. The format put in place at my suggestion hardly changed.

This was great fun and being at the television studio on weekends and in the office during the week was occupying a lot of my time.

But there was this constant nagging. This was not getting me any closer to university.

One day while in the Coffee Shop a man approached me who worked in a Company upstairs. He was American and he asked me if I would consider working for him. He explained that it was possible to earn huge sums of money selling magazines around the country and that the job entailed traveling with all expenses paid. The thought of making the money to do my course took over my common sense. Running it by my parents, I was still only 18, they both said no.

So I worked them back and forth. Gradually wearing them down to the point where my mother said to ask my father and where he was pressured by my insistence that it was OK with mom if he said OK. Well, he did, didn't he.

Before long my job at the Agency was history and the first trip to South Australia was under way.

A typical holden sedan
A typical holden sedan

It Was Nothing Like Promised

From the start there were problems

On the day of departure we met at the boss's house in Dover Heights, a flash up market suburb in the Eastern suburbs of Sydney. There were 5 of us in all and the oldest was around 25 and American. The rest were young girls like me who had been conned into something we knew not what.

We had spent a couple of days beforehand getting instructed on the magazines and how to sell them and so on. Then we were loaded into the old Holden sedan, with Martha (the American) driving and we were on our way. It was still early morning and we had a full days travel before arriving that night in an outback town called Wellington, just past Bathurst. It had so far been a lot of fun and we were pretty tired and did not talk much about anything other than the magazines.

The next morning it was bitterly cold although still only March (early autumn) and the Motel we were staying in was pretty crummy. Heading out we stopped at Dubbo for lunch and there were huge blowflies trying to carry off our steak sandwiches. That night we drove into Broken Hill and instantly got invited by a policeman to a house party. We had stopped to ask him directions to a motel or something. We were excited to be asked to a party and although we had to push off early the next day it was a break from the hours of driving.

This is a big country and you really get an idea of the size when it takes 2 whole days to go from Sydney to the New South Wales border with South Australia.

The party was nice and friendly and we were on our way again early the following morning. This time when we stopped for lunch at Petersborough, in South Australia, we tried our hand at approaching a few businesses to buy the magazines. I think I made a couple of sales.

Leaving Petersborough it crossed my mind that I was not liking this job at all, but it was too late to back out. We spent the afternoon in Port Pirie approaching businesses and selling magazines, which by now I was beginning to hate. Then we were off again back to Petersborough where we had booked into a motel. Speeding along the country road the landscape was quite monotonous. On our left was a railway line running parallel to the road which appeared to go on for hundreds of miles without a bend in it.

But there was a bend, a 90 degree double bend over the railway line which Martha failed to see. There was also a timber guard rail in front of us dead ahead which was invisible at the speed we were traveling.

Nothing about the accident came to me when I lay in a bed in Orroroo Hospital. It was a very strange feeling because I was floating. It was like being on a field of cotton wool that was carrying me up and down, in and out of consciousness. There was no pain, no awareness, no knowledge. Only the thought that it was possible for me to drift off and not come back. But that's when I sat up with a jolt. "I can't die yet" I thought." I haven't done the job."

For those who have read my lenses on my reincarnation you will know that there was a job that brought me back to this life. It was shown to me between lives and it was not yet done.

Margaret and me at a a party
Margaret and me at a a party

The Pain Started

From then on it was murder

With that thought I got out of bed and went to the mirror to see who I am. I had no memory aside from that one thing about the job. The face that peered back at me was dreadfully swollen, badly bruised, the eyes were red and there was no recognition. Neither a name, family, home or anything else came to me. So I climbed back into bed and waited.

The pain hit hard. Wow! My head was spinning as well. "Where am I" I thought as I gently lay my head back on the pillow, trying to avoid the worst sore spots.

Finally a nurse came in and told me about the accident and that my parents had been notified. She told me what day it was and it was three days ago that we had sailed through a 4" x 6" rail onto the railway line. Later the government advised us that the line had been moved 4 inches and it had stopped trains using it for some time.

Before leaving Orroroo for home we inspected the car. Where I had been sitting in the back seat behind the driver you could see where my head had made a round hole in the back of the front seat. There was a board that had been smashed and caught in it were the earrings that had been on my ears at the time of the crash.

It was a nightmare trip back to Sydney, as we were taken to Adelaide by car first. That was a hellish trip in the back seat of a dusty old vehicle and the trip took ages. My head was paining something awful. They had to let us go home for treatment as there were no specialists, not even a registered doctor, at the hospital which comprised only about 4 wards and a couple of nurses on duty at a time. It was a typical country village with a very small population.

On arrival in Sydney my parents and sister were there to meet me but I did not recognize them at first. In fact everything was so strange as my life began again.

For six months the intensity of pain in my head increased, day after day it was worse than before. My hair could not be combed and aside from sitting most of the time there were few positions that were even remotely comfortable to be in. Aside from my head my right side was bruised from my waist down to my knees and there was an awful pain in the right hand groin, which I still suffer from even now on occasions

My very good friend, Margaret, (pictured with me at a party) who lived opposite came to see me and her face looked familiar but there was no other recognition. Every time she spoke to me she reminded me of her name. Months later there came a day when the pain seemed just a tiny bit less intense than the day before. The following day was the same and after that each day it grew less painful. Of course the doctors were feeding me lots of drugs and my emotions were somewhat erratic.

Close up of my head
Close up of my head

My memory Was Gone

So were my chances at university

The struggle had been for nothing. Everything I had done and worked towards was taken away and it was even more devastating than the accident.

Month after month I tried to get my memory back. I went over books that were used for my Matriculation and they were like double dutch to me. The science that had meant so much was all gone. Maths was nothing but a series of indecipherable symbols and numbers. Biology was full of meaningless terms and of course physics and chemistry were like foreign languages.

But the fight was still in me. The message that I can't die yet persisted inside my head. "I am not dead", I thought "so why can't I throw this thing off?" For me it was an even bigger puzzle as the Spirit had always helped me through the worst times before and now, it seemed like I was deserted for some reason.

The photo close up of my head shows the bump on the left side of my forehead that was still there months after the accident. It was like pressing a bladder of water because it was full of blood. The eye beneath it is still red from the blood draining through it and this was some 8 or 9 months after the accident. My hair could still not be combed properly, except for a quick pass of the brush or comb over it. The pain had also not gone away yet but was greatly diminished.

mum,dad and me
mum,dad and me

Never Again

Next time I would not survive

My parents were informed that if anything like this should happen to me again that it would be my wish not to survive it. Many times it felt like I should just quit. It was all simply too hard but the Spirit was inside me and was taking me through a challenge the like of which I would face again later in life. Photo of mum and dad helping me cut my 21st birthday cake show also the strain in their faces after 2 years of worry and concern.

After a year of persevering I had had enough. It was time to break out and do something. One day while listening to the radio there was an announcement that the station was looking for an advertising manager to run their department. Never one to be put off by anything I rang up and spoke to the appropriate person. There was no hesitation. The job was mine over the phone. Everyone in the media knew about me and of my performance in the advertising agency.

Tentatively I got dressed and went in to see about my new job. The people there treated me like royalty and when I explained that I had not done anything since the accident and did not know how it would all go there was no problem. In fact, on days when I was feeling off they sent a taxi to pick me up and one to take me home again. But the pressure was too much. My memory had come back just enough to perform the job but the head pain was returning and with gusto.

Regretfully I had to leave the job and recuperate again. The doctors who were treating me were furious that I had done this.

Months later my restlessness to push recovery got to me again. It seemed a good idea to go back to tech and repeat the matriculation. What could I lose? The family doctor forbid me to try this and even threatened to stop treating me But my mind was made up. It was 2 years after the accident and the urgency to get on with my life was more than I could bear.

My mother covered for me while I went full time during the day to complete the two years in one. The results were not what I expected. Barely struggling to pass the exams there was going to be more needed if I was to get to university. By this time too there was a court case pending for compensation. In Australia we have 3rd Party insurance which covers all victims of car accidents if they are passengers or no fault of their own.

Even this was a dismal failure as it happened 4 years after the accident and the insurance company was just too clever and the solicitors took most of the money anyway. It did get me to uni for a year and a half until the old brain failed again.

During an exam in my second year in medical science I completely forgot what I was writing about. It would not come to me and even reading and rereading the paper did not help. The game was up and I quietly packed away my things and left the room, never to return or think again about this part of my life.

It was over.

This could have been me
This could have been me

Where Was My Memory?

Would I ever get it back?

The experience was bad and the four years of being at a loss without my memory being as it used to me was devastating. My ambition had been to be a doctor. I wanted to do neuro-surgery and to help people recover from sickness and accidents like mine. But it was not to be.

Years later when the Spirit called me to work for it alone the reason for the accident became clear. My life had started because of a job that brought me back. My desire to overturn illness and to help people had its seeds in the Spirit and not in man made medicine. Somehow this had gotten mixed up in the worldly view of what God expects from us. Somehow I had lost my way and had to be returned to the path the Spirit had laid out before I was born.

The accident allowed me to revisit the memories prior to my birth and the message brought me about reincarnation. As my memory started to return it was the early times of this life that came to me first. It was easier to remember the most minute details of what happened years ago and yet not have any recollection of something from the day or week before.

From this point forward my life took many curves and marriage and family came into it plus another horrendous experience, which I may write about another time.

Then at 45 years, exactly when shown it would happen between lives,, the commissions came from God and healing for others quickly followed. The power rushing through my hands to those who need healing showed me that the only healing power is from the Spirit. Man may think he is clever but look around. What doctor do you know can call on the Spirit and have someone healed instantly. This has happened to many people to whom the Spirit has led me and who are searching for truth.

I learned too that the ways of man are dangerous. That as people take on the world's temptations and distractions they impact on the body as disease, broken bones, car accidents, and drug addiction. The people who deny and defy their spirituality are empty inside and the things of the world are substitutes for the fulfilling, empowering and strength of the Spirit.

Why do people jump out of planes for thrills, or have to bungy jump, bounce around to music or send themselves into a trance with drugs? Its because they are empty inside. They have to do things for others to see them as active and alive in order to make them feel appreciated and that they are living their life to the full. In fact they are killing themselves because they don't know what's waiting around the corner. They don't know that the cells in their body are suffering from the lack of spiritual nourishment. They don't know what, in fact, God is all about.

These are the people who cannot be still nor do they know that spiritual power demands nothing except that one listens to the voice within. That one has peace and quiet inside and not bouncy bouncy, alcohol, drugs, boogey boogey, and mischief making. This story is told here for a reason and some of my lenses on spirituality and reincarnation are listed below. You might like to read some of them.

level crossing car accident

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© 2010 norma-holt

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    • profile image

      SteveKaye 4 years ago

      What an amazing story. Thank you for publishing this. I'm awed.

    • eccles1 profile image

      eccles1 4 years ago

      Amazing story. I think you are right it has something to do with feeling empty inside that us humans feel, and we try to cover it up with all kinds of shallow things.

    • sheriangell profile image

      sheriangell 4 years ago

      What an amazing story and blessed by an Angel today!

    • Virginia Allain profile image

      Virginia Allain 5 years ago from Central Florida

      Thank you for sharing this difficult time in your life. I'm amazed at what you overcame. Best wishes to you for the future.

    • LaraineRoses profile image

      Laraine Sims 5 years ago from Lake Country, B.C.

      A very inspiring story .. you have had a very bad experience that turned out well.

      Angel blessings.

    • jvsper63 profile image

      jvsper63 6 years ago

      Wonderful and powerful this is a great story, Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

    • akumar46 lm profile image

      akumar46 lm 6 years ago

      Very inspiring story.Thanks.

    • VarietyWriter2 profile image

      VarietyWriter2 6 years ago

      Wow what a story. Blessed by a SquidAngel :)

    • SidneyMorgan LM profile image

      SidneyMorgan LM 7 years ago

      A very inspirational and I would say unique story. Your determination was very impressive and was very clear throughout. Your story though can make one feel almost lazy by comparison ... (but I'll try not to dwell on it). Either way thank you for sharing and I definitely enjoyed reading your story.

    • profile image

      Tarra99 7 years ago

      Incredible story!...very moving! Thanks for sharing...and thank you for featuring my breast cancer lens along with all the other "determined ones"...what an honor!

    • junecampbell profile image

      June Campbell 7 years ago from North Vancouver, BC, Canada

      What a wonderful story this is. Beautiful.

    • Charlino99 profile image

      Tonie Cook 7 years ago from USA

      This is a beautiful example of the power of love.

    • Heather426 profile image

      Heather Burns 7 years ago from Wexford, Ireland

      just one more piece of the puzzle...I am enjoying it...

    • Addy Bell profile image

      Addy Bell 7 years ago

      Thanks for sharing this powerful story.

    • Davidfstillwagon profile image

      Davidfstillwagon 7 years ago

      that is an incredible and powerful lens. You certainly have gone through a lot! 5*

    • profile image

      kimmanleyort 7 years ago

      I enjoyed reading every bit of this. Your determination shines through. I think deep down inside you knew there was a different reason for you to be here.

    • poptastic profile image

      Cynthia Arre 7 years ago from Quezon City

      Very powerful lens Norma! You are an amazingly storng and a very inspiring woman. *blessed*

    • profile image

      SandraRoseDesigns 7 years ago

      Wow, what a story, and what an inspiration! Thanks for sharing it.

    • profile image

      Joan4 7 years ago

      Excellent lens! powerful story! Thank you for telling it! Memory loss has to be terrifying!

    • semas profile image

      semas 7 years ago

      Thanks for sharing your personal story.Your strength is an inspiration.

    • Joandearc LM profile image

      Joandearc LM 7 years ago

      This is the most powerful lens I have read so far.

      You are such a trooper. I admire your strength to keep trying in the face of disaster.

      5*