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"Um, you can call me Janikon"

Updated on December 27, 2013
janikon profile image

Stuart has spent three years trying to convince his boyfriend he is not hiding books under their bed and they are certainly not multiplying.

janikon in his zombified glory
janikon in his zombified glory | Source

There is nothing funnier than having to listen to someone phonetically pronounce your name while trying to give you instructions, especially when they have a thick southern accent. Think Matthew McConaughey in ... well, uh, anything he has ever done or interview he has ever given. No matter the character he is playing that man is southern, through and through. I am still waiting patiently for the movie where his mother will be played by Emma Thompson, in all her British glory, and he as her Southern son ... it would not matter if his character was brought up in cleaning the stables of Brighton, he would have the same drawl. I wonder if he has a clause written into his working contract protecting him from accent or heritage departure while working on any acting project. He probably has another protecting his right to bear abs while working, either the shirt comes off completely or unbuttoned three quarters.

What was I talking about again?

Oh right. I was explaining the origins of my username and the trouble it gives the online community daily. It doesn't seem to matter whether I am writing, vlogging or being asked via my XBOX LIVE headset- by a furious fifteen year old boy living eight hundred thousand miles away - to try not repeatedly blowing myself or other teammates up, accidentally. The interaction usually goes something like this:

15YOBOY: Jan-ick-kon, Jann-okoon, Jan-uk-en ... f**kin stupid name, bro! Can you please learn how to play this f***in game or pull ur head out ur a$$. Jann-oo-koon, jesus is that a fu**in foreign name.
Janikon (Me): I am sorry! I haven't figured out the controls - I don't ever play! I'm sorry! Oh god, did I just blow myself up again. Why did the game stop? Did I blow everyone up?! OH GOD! I thought the red button was jump, not detonate!
15YOBOY: $^&* YOU, Jan-uck-in. Go back in play in the deserts of India, where you belong f**kin foreigner a$$hole You're SO f**kin gay.

So, of course, this was an extremely toned down and tamed version of the abuse one receives when they have not figured out how to a) move the character while aiming and b) fire the gun at the opposing team without spinning the character in circles. And teenage boys seemed obsessed with the word 'f**k' and using 'gay' to mean something 'sucks' 'blows' or 'eats it'.

Yes, I am aware of the dirty jokes I could have inserted. I am rising above it.

floating a feather? No problemo.
floating a feather? No problemo. | Source

I created 'Janikon' when I was eight years old when I was vying for a spot in the X-Men, I was convinced I could choose my own superpower and live within the walls of the mansion. Since, I have never been one to follow the crowd, I was unhappy with the limitations of some of the existing superpowers and began listing powers I wanted. I was an eight year old version of Sylar listing abilities and powers I intended to borrow from existing X-Men, when I met them.

Ultimately, after three weeks of deliberation, I decided I really wanted to have power over the weather (like Storm) and crazy-strong telekinesis (like Phoenix, only without the responsibility over the balance of the galaxy, I was only eight, of course) and I would fly (insert name of flying X-Men here). Then I came up with the name, I am still not sure how I arrived on it, but it stuck and I have been using it ever since.

Though, I am still waiting for the powers to arrive ...

Whether or not my username draws traffic to my page, I would argue it doesn't really make a difference. Though, I would agree, there are usernames which are wholly offending and unnecessary but mostly without a polarizing name it becomes just a moniker to be identified by. I think a unique username has the ability to set you apart from the crowd but when the crowd is over four hundred thousand large, and you're not looking, there is a mathematical assurity you will be lost in the crowd.

I would not stress when choosing a username. You could attempt to make it professional sounding, avoid profanity and derogatory terminology but try not to stress too much about it. You are not naming your first born child, this decision will not be the cause of several years of therapy bills. I chose something special to me, something super and something inherently me, something someone else cannot take away.

Lest I crush them with my slightly delayed telekinesis. Oh, and to be clear, it is pronounced Jan-ik-con, son of Vicky and John and master of the universe, between snack and nap.


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    • SeamlessDestiny03 profile image

      SeamlessDestiny03 5 years ago from Chi-city

      This is fantastic :) Who needs input from stupid teenaged boys anyway.

    • janikon profile image

      Stuart A Jeffery 6 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

      Much love back to you, Lily. I will check in with WillStarr and see what I can do.

    • lilyfly profile image

      Lillian K. Staats 6 years ago from Wasilla, Alaska

      Janikon, as you know me, listen. Will Starr, is being victimized, they claim he was in colusion w people in the far east, punching his money words. He's not, and I ask you to be brave, and speak w/ hubpages, as well as visiting Will Starr's hubpages. He's just... not guilty, Just because someone says it's true, doesn't mean it's so. You know that, right well, much love, lily