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1943 A war Story (Chapter 7)
War Stories - chapter 7.(Home on the farm, the baby is due)
How I love Mom and Dad! During these difficult times they have helped me in so many ways as we prepare for the birth of my first child. This is a scary event and yet in some ways I feel comfortable about it thanks to their love and support. At the same time there is so much uncertainty and I so desperately wish that Hub could be here. Perhaps by some miracle he will appear at the door with his infectious smile, and hold my hand at this time.
One must, however, be careful what one prays for because I realize that the only reason he would be sent home will be if he was seriously injured and heaven forbid that! No, I realize that I will face this event without him but I know that he will be there with me in spirit. I know this all sounds rather contrived and yet I believe it with all my being. We have been counting the days off together, even though geographic distance separates us; it is our love that brings us together. At night I find myself talking to the baby, to Hub and to the Lord and it is as if they are all able to hear. Perhaps they can? Am I quietly going mad? I don’t think so!
Visits to the family doctor in Pretoria indicate that everything is going well and the “Moedersbond” hospital in Pretoria is expecting me just as I am expecting the baby. Will it be a boy or a girl? It really doesn't matter, but I have an idea Hub would like a son. What will the child look like? What name will we give it if it is a boy and what if it is a girl?
We have discussed this and a letter from Egypt arrives with some pressed flowers and a reminder that if the baby is a boy he will be names Johan and if a girl Joan. I have no preference but somehow I know deep in my heart that Hub hopes for a boy, don't all men have that dream of someone to send the family name forward into the future? Hub has delegated the final responsibility to me and it rests heavily on my shoulders.
How I wish we could talk about it and laugh about ridiculous names as he runs his fingers through my hair and tells me that he loves me even though I look like a whale. There are some times that a woman needs her man to be near and this is such a time. This silly war is making that impossible. "Why is this happening, Lord?" The flowers and the occasional letter reassures me and yet I find it hard to understand why this all has to happen. "Lord please strengthen my faith", I pray silently, even tonight as I go to sleep in my comfortable featherbed. Sleep does not come easily as I toss and turn. The fact that I am safe from the war does not really help because the baby in my womb is a constant reminder that the father who I love so much and miss so desperately may not be as safe.
Yes my mind also tosses and turns as my body does, desperately trying to get comfortable but neither can. I wonder, where is the father of my child sleeping tonight? Lord please keep him safe!