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Red Flag: How to Spot an Ambient Abuser and How to Manage Your Situation

Updated on January 11, 2018
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Charmaine is a native of the East Coast of Australia who is a freelance writer and poet who loves the unexpectedness of the Divination Arts.

You are the only one you have. Just like that yacht out in the middle of an unknown ocean. You and the elements.
You are the only one you have. Just like that yacht out in the middle of an unknown ocean. You and the elements. | Source

....a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil person will wound your mind....

— Buddhist Saying

What is the Can of Worms?

  • Are you someone who is a softie?
  • Are you someone who is compassionate and peacefully placating?
  • Do you hold the belief that all humans are essentially good natured?
  • Do you confuse compassion with guilt?

Then, when life throws an alpha male or female your way who is interested in dominating and controlling what you have and gets pleasure out of your pain or demise, then you are well plumped for covert manipulation.

Your acquiescence to defer to authority can make you a well-seasoned target, for puppeteering.

What am I talking about? I am talking about when either a diabolical deceitful stranger, employer, lover, frenemy crosses your path under an innocent guise.

This diabolical deceitful ambient abuser sets out intentionally and relentlessly to deconstruct you out of pure pleasure so that your inner core of softness, your ability to trust and love, your creativity and what makes you, together with doubting your ability to trust your perceptions takes place.


A. What Happens from the Ambient Abuser’s Side?

1. Denies the existence of an event, even when the target produces evidence (process of denial)

2. the Gaslighting Abuser deliberately intercepts and blocks the targets sources of data (compartmentalization)

e.g Intercepting your personal technology

e.g Infiltrating your family members, friends circle, customer service providers, authorities, so they turn their back on you and/or become unhelpful by their lies of omission or giving no relevant or needed help (your doctor causes you harm by becoming negligent in his care of you)

3. The Ambient Abuser performs in a way that puts their target in a state of mind where they begin to question their intentions/motivation; and go into defensive mode, feeling they have to justify every thought, belief or action

4. The Ambient Abuser spreads “mad and bad’ slander about you implying you are cognizant deficient. Contacting authorities with false public nuisance calls about you to police, paramedics, emergency doctors, firemen, and mental health authorities.

5. The Ambient abuser keeps insisting that the target is imagining things and that they are unbalanced (chronic invalidation)

6. The Gaslighting Abuser shames their target for expressing any real hurts (saying it’s the targets imagination)

7. The Gaslighting Abuser insists that others are the sources of the target’s poor choices (blaming)

8. The Ambient Abuser denies the target’s reality/perceptions through third parties believing the ambient abuser, which enables the gaslighting/street theatre to continue and be the false reality (domination)

9. The Ambient Abuser spreads highly personal information they have extracted via invasive methods and fraudulent means to both hurt and jeopardize the target’s public safety, employment position, reputation, so that the abuser can freeze, destroy and/or control the targets’ life and movements.

10. The Ambient Abuser is somehow given societal protection through the power differential or through the false façade of their job role when it is advertised as a role where trust and safety are assigned to it by its community/town/city/country.

The Fake Good Guy or Good Gal Personna

The Ambient Abuser presents her/himself as either a good gal or good guy. This Ambient Abuser will more than likely be charismatic and can sell ice to Eskimos (insincerity).

The Ambient Abuser will pretend to family, friends, your health practioners, customer service providers as having your best interests at heart while covertly seeking to control your ecosystem under the guise of having special insight into the target (they are a remote viewer/psychic) and are using the cover of care, love and compassion to dominate, control and deconstruct all that made up your life as far as you knew it all your life.

The Ambient Corruptor falsifies information, misrepresents the source or pathway of your information so that you can only begin to doubt your perceptions and start to think you are going mad. Meanwhile the Gaslighting abuser will play on the sympathy of caring and conscientious people to get them to cooperate and become third party harassers, intimidators and Gaslighters. Helping to deconstruct the target and her/his life.

The corruptor makes it all sound plausible. You won’t detect an evil mind.

The ambient abuser will play victim and who is trying to do the right thing while at every conceivable point undermining and eroding the target’s family, friends, relationships and any reputation s/he has ever built up.

It is stealth in action.

It is diabolical deception and manipulation in action.

To me, it is modern day evil (in adjective form) promoted and installed under the guise of caring, compassion and benevolence.


A. From the Target’s Side

1. The target will end up in some shape or form hand over their power to the Ambient Abuser. They will be coerced to do so.

2. The target feels pummelled into silence and psychological stress because they are forced to deal with contradictory beliefs.

3. The target starts to become brainwashed into believing they have innumerable flaws and shortcomings so that you think you deserve the cruelty that is coming your way.

4. Because of the systemic and relentless nature of the gaslighting, the Target can end up feeling paranoid in degrees because of all the rumours and slander being thrown around by the ambient abuser and hers/his third parties.

This is where the target’s unhealed afflictions or flaws, that the target is responsible for, begins to erode his/her confidence.

5. The target begins to lose sight of who they are and who they have been all their life.


6. The target feels like a trapped deer in a headlight, bewildered and vigilant. Feeling also defective, due to the glaring headlights of the gaslighting abuser.

7. This abuse can be blocked from justice avenues by the Gaslighter so it can be possible for a Stockholm Syndrome Effect to take root between abuser and abusee.

Who Is Involved as An Ambient Abuser?

An ambient abuser can be anyone who gets a sadistic pleasure out of creating chaos, divisiveness (us vs them) and who relishes having complete power and domination over someone or something.

*This can happen in a love relationship where the abuser quickly establishes control by espousing how special you are, wants to spend all of their time with you and starts planning your marriage very early in the piece.

*This gaslighting abuse can occur with marriage partners.

*This ambient abuse can happen between parent and child where the perpetrator is usually the mother

*Or, this gaslighting abuse can occur in female to female relationships.

e.g. employer, frenemy.

The female is an alpha female

The abuser is bored and has licence for absolute power (through job title) plus there is no one that the abuser is held accountable to.


What You Can Do to Help Yourself and Make It Through?

Firstly, keep reminding yourself that holding onto the Abuser’s hatred and insecurities, is liking drinking battery acid.

Recognize this.

Hatred can only move in three directions. It is up to you, which direction the hatred moves into.

Direction 1 of Hatred

You internalize and absorb the abuser’s hatred. Staying curled up in a foetal position. Depressed and with a mournful heart that could lead to a fatal heart attack.

Direction 2 of Hatred

You push out the hatred through your level of intolerance; being rigid and/or cynical; cussing or using inflammatory vocabulary; increasing the view content of violent news and movies; sprouting your superiority where you can while simultaneously making others to be inferior.

Direction 3 of Hatred

You choose to absorb and recycle the abuser’s hatred. You know it won’t be easy and it will not be overnight.

It will be a trial and error process. Some days you will handle everything with grace and aplomb. Then, there will be other days where you will be reactive or defensive. Don’t give up on yourself. Take it in your stride and note, that it is not only for you but your community. An act of patriotism/service for your neighbourhood/town/city/country.

How to To Self Care, Now

A. You may decide to treat yourself kindly while you internally reason out and breakdown this absorbed acidic hatred form your ambient abuser.

B. You may decide to verbalize daily personal and world healing prayers

C. You may decide to do unsaid acts of service for someone you feel would truly benefit from your time and care.

D. Or, you may decide to uproot yourself and relocate

The meaning and relevancy of how you respond to this given situation is individual. Do what is right for you on any given day.

Ambient Abuse is about

See results

What Can We Learn from Ambient Abuse?

1. Get clear as to where you are guilt motivated. And get clear on what motivates your heart’s desire/s.

2. No one, is to be robbed of their human and humane dignity. No one, do you hear me?

3. You will need to increase your understanding of your mind-body connection so you can recognize more clearly your intuitive warning signals about a person or the signals within you.

4. Learn now to not be over-giving, overkind or overgenerous. Build up your vehicle, your ego and learn how to build up enough personal resources so you can barter/negotiate in life. And, if you can help it, do not get into a great power differential with someone. Or, if you do? Get prepared.

5. Realize your long-term values and practice focusing on them daily, especially when the gaslighting is in active mode.

I believe people who have been brought up in authoritarian families or have worked in the authoritative hierarchical system, will be the easiest of prey to an ambient abuser. This type of person is more prone (had the training) to hand over their power to this authority or person who is applying coercive tactics and domination skills.

Learn How Modern Day Evil Works...

Learn how modern-day evil works. Don’t buy into someone who speaks well, dresses well, does the right thing at the right time, comes across caring, insightful because that person’s mind could very well be evil. You are not going to know until its too late until you hone in on knowing/reading your personal gut feelings. So, go and learn how to improve on your knowing skills so that you know what gut is saying to you. Give your gut the benefit of the doubt, okay?

As we have been learning recently, there are predatory clergy, ill-intentioned psychics/remote viewers and toxic families together with violent work cultures. You will need to learn how to be intelligently guarded.

In Conclusion

  • Ambient Abusers (Gaslighters) are alpha females/males who are bullies that practice the persona of the good gal or good guy.
  • Ambient Abusers pretend to be a victim in order to maintain control of others.
  • Ambient Abusers (Gaslighters) are never to be trusted.
  • These diabolical manipulators are con artists. They know human nature like an animal who has an instinct for their prey to be.
  • These abusers know how to select, isolate and mentally abuse their targets into real or perceived submission for their own personal gain.
  • Ambient abusers know the subtle yet dangerous gaslighting skills to apply but that which are still not recognized by the public at large. For example: -
  • ambient abusers shame their targets for insignificant errors. This is a deflectic tactic to keep others from looking at the abuser’s behaviour.

Using Language to Detect Ambient Abusers

Through the language the abuser uses when their behaviour is questioned.

1."How can You Be So Selfish"……(when the target refuses)

2."After everything I have done for you”…. (said after acts of service are done. Then the abuser calls in the repayment for that act of “freely given” service)

3."I Can’t Talk to You When You Get Like This”:…..(makes their target look unreasonable)

Ambient abusers are OFTEN FEMALES.

The abuser continues to get away with it, when lips are sealed by all those who know what is going on (family, partners, friends, hobby groups, customer service providers, court registrars and court clerks, police, teachers.) Therefore, third parties are complicit and don’t stop the gaslighting, the street theatre.

Make no mistake, psychological and financial cruelty is a form of violence.


Dr. Robin Stern. “The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life”

© 2018 Threekeys


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