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Bipolar Type One

Updated on August 10, 2016

My Experience

Bipolar Disorder is “a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks” (NIH).

What most people believe is that anyone who is cranky or mean is bipolar. There are even blogs that claim “You’re not bipolar, you’re just an asshole.” What people fail to realize is that they are stereotyping the disorder. I have Bipolar type one with psychosis. I want to share my everyday struggles to alleviate the common misconceptions of the bipolar community.

Common attributes of bipolar

  • mood swings
  • high anxiety
  • disillusions
  • hallucinations
  • trouble concentrating
  • quick actions
  • insominia/hypersomnia

1. People who are bipolar are just jerks making excuses.

Yes people with bipolar can be a bit more abrasive than others sometimes but that doesn’t mean we’re all jerks. I am a happy and loving person but when I have my episodes it’s a lot different. (An episode is when my mood changes to drastically and it throws me into a fit of rage or despair). What most don’t understand is that my brain is constantly battling against me, and I have to force myself to be “normal” a lot of the time.

A lot of us are driven by our anxiety, which leads to us lashing out. Most of the time I cannot focus long enough to be able to control my outburst. I can be having a normal conversation and my brain will be running 100 miles a minute and, with no warning to anyone else, I could have numerous anxiety ridden thoughts which lead to an outburst.

Most of the time I want to pay attention and to engage others; so it frustrates me when I cannot do so. This leads to me feeling useless and makes me not want to be very social. When I am manic I will be very social and very nice and sweet. When I am the opposite, I am mean and harsh and I rarely go out.

I do not have friends because I do those dramatic shifts in feelings, a lot of the time my friends will believe that I don’t care about them and they will stop talking to me. This doesn’t mean that I don’t want to talk to them but because I would feel like a burden I would not pester them with my conversation.


2. Bipolar is only about moods.

The disorder has so much more involved than just moods. I only have type one so I cannot speak for type two but for me my disorder is a complete burden. I will have long and tiresome nights, where I want to do 100 things but cannot complete a single one. I will sit down and paint for 18 hours straight and only use the bathroom when absolutely necessary.

I, also, have hallucinations which can cause me to have a lot of anxiety. The anxiety is what causes most of bipolar mood swings and makes a lot of us seem mean.

The inability to concentrate is also very common and very annoying. It can even interfere with our sex life. Bipolar disorder interferes with almost every aspect of day to day life and can make life rather challenging.

3.Bipolar people cannot have long, healthy, committed relationships.

I currently am in a committed and loving relationship with my live-in partner. Yes, it is a lot of work but honestly what relationship is. We face a lot more difficulties and the fights can get out of hand easily but we try our hardest to make sure it will work and we love each other.

He understands my disorder and we work on things together. When every day is a struggle it’s often hard to think of anyone but yourself but I try very hard to understand and accommodate his feelings and he makes sure he always accommodates me.

4.Bipolar people are crazy.

I can assure you we are not crazy. We simply have to deal with a lot more than other people. You cannot tell someone is bipolar just from looking at them because we blend in so well. I can go out to parties and have a lot of fun with people and do things that people would assume I cannot.

I just have fits, and their called fits because they don’t last long and they don’t happen frequently. Most people with bipolar have episodes month apart from each other. It’s not always hours or seconds like media portrays.

This is just the surface of my everyday life with the disorder but I hoped it has helped others gain insight into what we go through.


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