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Conscious Awareness of Who You Are

Updated on January 27, 2010

"You are what your deep driving desire is. As your desire, so is your will, as your will, so is your thought, as your thought, so is your deed, as your deed so is your destiny"-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad

Tonight I am thinking of three words. Perfection in Motion.

Each and every individual life is perfection in motion and as soon as we accept this, the more space we have with with to work. It is the meaning of being in the NOW.

We see that as each moment unfolds, there is freshness, openness, a wide open space.

As I write this I am reminded of an incident that happened as I was to graduate from the graduate school.

I needed to send my transcripts to Caltech, The Salk Institute and the University of Washington for my post doc applications.

We had files of it in the Department and when I went to the secretary she said, “Oh, I do not have time right now, would you just please go and get it yourself from the files.”

These files are all confidential and since I am about to graduate I can now see my files.

To my shock, indignation, and immediate fury, I saw a letter from one of my professors that said he declined to recommend me for the East West Center Scholarship and in it he wrote "We feel that she is not Ph.D. material."

Needless to say, I was furious, I copied my transcripts, dashed out of the office and ran through the campus and went to this professor’s office. I had never felt so angry.

He was there. As I refused to sit on the chair across him in his office and he could see my face, all red he knew this was not a friendly visit.

I was on my second year of graduate school when I applied for the scholarship and that particular scholarship would have meant a lot of FREE money.

To a graduate student who gets paid very little, it meant the difference between graduating in 5 or 6 years or 4 years.

As I faced him with a very even voice, I was standing while he was sitting on the chair behind his massive desk, I asked him about the letter he wrote on behalf of the Department, I said "Who exactly did you mean by We in this letter?" and I proceeded to enumerate the distinguished members of my committee [of which he was not a part of].

After he got over the fact that I was never meant to see that letter, he apologized profusely and said I should have said "I" and "Can you forgive me?"

I could see he meant it. And in that moment, I realized, “I am graduating. You wanted to hurt me then, but really it does not matter now.”

I came to my senses. An angry student confronting a professor who made a decision five years before. What does it all matter now?

I said, calmly at this time "There is nothing to forgive. Had I gotten the scholarship I would have been obligated to go back to the Philippines with my American husband, whether he wanted to or not. That was the stipulation of the scholarship. So thank you for saving my husband that choice. I just wanted to know" and then I walked out.

Years later, many, many years later, he contacted me. We have both been divorced and he wanted to "see" me and finally admitted that he had been in love with me since he saw me in his class and wanted me to stay as long as possible in graduate school.

It was the same reason he had given me a D in one of the reports. He wanted me to re-do the experiments in his laboratory. It was a good thing I only needed a B average for the whole course taught by 5 professors. I made it and did not have to do the class all over again. I had also obtained the Soroptimist Club International Dissertation Scholarship. A great honor for a woman graduate student.

It is hilarious now that I look at it. When I said "I am flattered but, no." He subsequently married one of the women he was dating at the time.

The point in all this is that:

1. I was greatly disappointed that I did not get the scholarship at the time I applied and I had no idea why I did not get it. Had I known the reason I would have been so angry and probably would have done something I would regret later.

2. I moved on and was happy with my life. Blissful being married and doing my work with the most fantastic woman I have ever met, my mentor. It took me six years to finish but I had mostly fun doing it.

3. I graduated and went on to do my Post doc at a great institution and not only that, I had choices of where to go.

4. Had he approached me for sexual advances while I was in graduate school, it would have been devastating for his career and I probably would have quit.

It was all perfection in motion which I am now able to see from a distance.

We have this choice. Moment to moment we can accept this moment as full, perfect and complete in and by itself.

I urge you to look at your own life right NOW and see where your discomfort is.

You will see that it is springing from something that you think as imperfection, when the easiest thing to do is to ACCEPT this moment as it is.

Pay attention to your breath. Where did your thought and worry go? This is awareness. With it comes peace, and with peace comes power. Paradoxical but truth nevertheless.

I wish you moment to moment peace. You have this power to choose what to focus on at every moment. Take it.

Focus on the good, the beautiful, the sublime. It is who you are. You have simply forgotten. Take the time to remember it with every breath you take, consciously.

© 2010 by Melinda M. Sorensson


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    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      Hi, Nell, that you followed your instinct or intuition or insight is a wonderful thing. Few people would do it.

      They would dismiss it and then go on with whatever they were doing. Automaticity. We are far more than "automatic robots"

      Thanks so much for dropping by.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 7 years ago from England

      Hi, this is so completely what I needed to read today. It is so strange that I came over to this one. I did have a very strange day, as I was on the forum in the middle of something that I was feeling very strongly about. and then I read this. I completely understood what you meant. and the video was great. I loved the bit about the mustache! what a lovely man, thanks again for a great insight. nell

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 8 years ago

      Thank you, Kim039

    • kimh039 profile image

      Kim Harris 8 years ago

      Everything is exactly as it should be. Thanks for the reminder. I have some "areas of discomfort" similar to your situation that you write about. I can see that it would be helpful to rethink these as "perfection in motion." Thank you.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 8 years ago

      Thank you, Ghost32,

      Psalm 23 is what I asked my son to recite to me while I was driving him to school when he was really little.

      I had to deal with traffic and getting back so I could teach my own classes, prepare for the labs, etc..It soothed me while I was driving.

      I read Johnathan Livingston Seagull when it came out. I was so fascinated by it, I memorized portions of it.

      At the time I was in the "Ayn Rand" mode.

      Yes, most people relate to "Illusions" more readily. I read it much,much later, actually just a couple of years back.

      As a professor, I was very demanding. Demanding that everyone be as disciplined as my classmates in college. This is not quite popular in America, unless of course you are at Yale. My students either loved me or hated me. There was no one in between.

      It is always a choice to remain ignorant or try to awaken. The man in "Matrix" chose to go back to the Matrix..sorry I forgot his name...

      The integration between Divine design and free will came to me last night. There is no struggle anymore. I wrote it to my friend last night. He is a quantum physicist.

      "That there is a straight line between two points is a mathematical truth. Free will allows us to take as many loops as we like to get from one point to the other. The straight line is the shortest but it takes a strong will and a lot of discipline to get there. Regardless,all roads lead to God."

      This incorporates belief in a Supreme being without being clouded by any religion.

      Thank you for your comments.

    • profile image

      Ghost32 8 years ago

      Very well done. You mention (in one of the comments) needing to find the Lord's Prayer. It's the Twenty-Third Psalm; one great page where it's to be instantly found is at:

      Living in the Now is always a challenge, for sure...and a possibility that far too many folks don't even know exists. Bach got it right, though. "Back in the day" when Jonathan Livingston Seagull was first published, a comedian joked on The Tonight Show that,

      "My wife is so dumb, she thinks Jonathan Livinston Seagull is about a bird."

      I stared at the TV, dumbstruck, having read the book a few months earlier, and blurted out,

      "I thought it was about a bird!"

      After reading Illusions (by Bach), I spent many an hour working to set my consciousness so that I could either sink into the Earth or walk through walls. While neither of those events quite manifested, I did eventually do a firewalk and learn with certainty that, yes, whether or not one gets burned in the process is a pure function of one's own state of consciousness. All of that came long after my college graduation, however, so I was quite a bit meaner than you were toward professors who acted in ways of which I disapproved.

      Perhaps six years of grad school would have mellowed me a bit....

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 8 years ago

      Thank you, Creativeone59.

    • creativeone59 profile image

      benny Faye Douglass 8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you Msorensoon, for a very deep and touching hub, Thank you for sharing it. Godspeed. cretiveone59

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 8 years ago

      I am honored, James, Thank you!!

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 8 years ago from Chicago

      This is a wonderful Hub. I absolutely love it. Thank you for the inspiration.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 8 years ago

      Yes, I read a whole book about The Lord's Prayer and I will recommend it to everyone. It is excellently written. The only thing, I will have to find it [smiles] many books in my library in no particular order.

      Thanks, A. M.

      Shower of blessings to you and yours.

      Kind regards,


    • A M Werner profile image

      Allen Werner 8 years ago from West Allis

      The Bible says, Take no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. It is important we learn not to focus on things that we imagine might be, and rather focus on the things that are right before us. Nice hub and wonderful life story. Peace.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 8 years ago

      Dear DynamicS,

      So interesting I was just telling my son that the only object of meditation is to be fully present in the NOW.

      That is it. And as we sit day after day after day in prayer and or meditation this gap from our rapid thoughts becomes wider and wider and finally we realize the magnificence of who we really are.

      The objective of the thought process is to solidify our belief of who we are. When we sit to meditate we get out of this. I will end with a quote from Jonathan Livingston Seagull, by Richard Bach:

      "Your whole body from wingtip to wingtip is nothing more than your thought itself in a form you can see. Break the chains of your thought and you break the chains of your body too."

      With love, always


    • DynamicS profile image

      Sandria Green-Stewart 8 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      Wow! Melinda, if only we understand that each moment is perfection, when faced with life's challenges,we would not worry at all; we would therefore live in peaceful bliss. Understanding and living by this is a life-long endeavour.

      Thanks for the reminder.

      Have a blessed day.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 8 years ago

      Thank you, someonewhoknows. Yes, I loved that phrase from the Upanishads. I could not understand it for a looooong time.

    • someonewhoknows profile image

      someonewhoknows 8 years ago from south and west of canada,north of ohio

      I think,therefore "I AM"

      We can be our own worst enemy ,or we can our own best friend.

      We are responsable for ourselves ,in thoughts Indeed.


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