- Education and Science
Crazy Laws Dumb Laws Funny Laws
Dumb Laws to Make You Laugh - Alabama through Montana
I confess. I am addicted to crazy, dumb, stupid, funny laws. This is my third hub on the subject. (See the titles of the others at the end of this Hub). I found so many dumb laws that I had to divide this hub into two sections. The first covers crazy laws from Alabama through Montana. The second features funny laws from Nebraska through Wyoming. Some of these dumb laws are guaranteed to make you laugh out loud. Promise!
Bear wrestling matches are prohibited. Maybe those greedy bears won’t give the World Wrestling Federation a percentage.
Incestuous marriages are legal. Ah, yes. Incest – the old game the whole family can play.
Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men. Is that why there’s a “ma” in Alabama?
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. Were they doing this?
In Huntsville, if an animal control officer is in uniform, it signifies to the public that he is an animal control officer. I think I need a little more information.
You may not drive barefooted. Use your hands!
Bicycles are banned from the interstate highways. Although that’s the best place to bike if you have a death wish.
In Mobile, it is unlawful to wear women’s pumps with sharp, high heels. What if you’re a woman?
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited. Also extremely stupid!
No person may drive a vehicle when there are more than 3 people in the front seat which number shall include the driver. I certainly hope so.
In Juneau, owners of flamingos may not let their pet into barber shops or hairdressing (salons) Why would you keep a pet flamingo in the far North? The poor thing would freeze to death.
Hunting camels in prohibited. Probably because there aren’t any.
It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine. How about if I just make some of the real stuff?
You may not have more than 2 dildos in a house. Non-human, that is.
In Mesa, it is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a class 12 liquor license. If you understand this one, please let me know.
In Nogales, an ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders. Must be a lot of guys here with droopy drawers.
In Baldwin Park, nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. Is anybody trying?
In Belvedere City, a council order reads: No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash. What if its master won’t wear a leash?
In Chico, bowling on the sidewalk is illegal. And very difficult; you keep hitting pedestrians.
Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine. Who will be left to enforce it?
In Dana Point, one may not use one’s own restroom if the window is open. Maybe the window is open for a reason!
In Fresno, no one may annoy a lizard in a city park. What if it annoyed me first?
In Eureka, elementary schools may not host poker tournaments. Are the kids that good at the game?
One may not mutilate a rock in a state park. If you’re into mutilating, take your rock home.
It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence. Is that the rider or the horse?
in Aspen, catapults may not be fired at buildings. Only at castles.
In Boulder, It is illegal to permit ones llama to graze on city property. Send your llama home to its mmama.
In Logan County, It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep. Sleeping Beauty would still be sleeping here.
In Sterling, cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight. Sell tickets to this and you’ll make a fortune.
In Vail, it is illegal to crash into obstacles on a ski slope. Then why do skiers keep doing it?
In New Britain, it is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25 mph even when going to a fire. Must be a lot of houses burning down to the ground here.
In Delaware, it is illegal to wear pants that are form fitting around the waist. More droopy drawers here, too.
In Rehoboth Beach, no person shall pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk. Stop pretending and go to sleep already.
The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs to not be confined in cages. I’m confused. Is there some logic here?
You are not allowed to break more than 3 dishes per day or chip the edges of more than 4 cups and/or saucers. So who does the counting?
In Broward County, persons may not be inappropriately attired who work at hot dog stands. This law is not as crazy as it sounds. Vendors at stands on the roads were beautiful young women wearing tiny bikini tops and tinier thongs, and male drivers were having car accidents 24/7.
In Cape Coral, it is illegal to park a pick-up truck in your driveway or in front of your house on the street. So - park in front of your neighbor’s house.
A $50 fine will be levied on anyone who allows a couch to sit in their carport. Maybe the couch thinks it’s a coach.
The molestation of trash cans is banned. Help me out – how do you molest a trash can?
In Destin, if you ride your bicycle. do not lean it up against a tree in a cemetery. You just can’t trust those dead people.
In Hialeah, ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor. Jay walking is OK.
In Key West, chickens are considered a protected species. Does Kentucky Fried know that?
In Miami Beach, termite farms are not allowed within the city. Why would you want to raise termites?
No one may bring a pig with them to the beach. Of the animal kind, that is.
In Pensacola, a woman can be fined only after death for being electrocuted in a bathtub because of using self-beautification utensils. How do they collect?
In Sarasota, You may not catch crabs. Is that a Health Department law?
In Tampa, women may not expose their breasts while performing topless dancing. Is their another way?
Lap dances must be given at least 6 feet away from a patron. Now that’s what I call a lap.
Signs are required to be written in English. Now, if only everyone could read!
In Athens-Clarke County, massage businesses may not sell alcohol on the side. Can they sell it in the front?
Selling 2 beers at once for the same price is not allowed. No twofers here y’all.
Alabama slingshot may not be used in the city limits. If you must, buy them over the line in Florida.
In Atlanta, it is against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. Use a parking meter.
In Columbus, crosses may be burned on someone else’s property so long as you have their permission. “Excuse me, may I burn this cross in your yard?”
The fine for waving a gun in public is higher than actually shooting it. That law says it all.
It is illegal to carry a chicken by its feet down Broadway on Sunday. Choose another day.
In Dublin, persons may not wear hoods in public. Look for sales to plummet at the hoodie store.
In Gainesville, chicken must be eaten with the hands. There’s another way?
In Jonesboro, it is illegal to say, “Oh, Boy.” I researched this one further. After the Civil War wealthy people would call on former slaves to clean their horses calling, “Oh, boy.”
In Kennesaw, every head of household must own a gun. NRA has a foothold here.
In Quitman, it is illegal for a chicken to cross the road. I’m not kidding. That’s a law.
Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears. I guess there aren’t any pockets in a muu muu.
You may not fish on a camel’s back. Must be the same camel they are trying to hunt in Arizona.
in Boise, residents may not fish from a giraffe’s back. Those Boiseians have to be different from everyone else.
In Pocatello, a law passed in 1912 provided that the carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless some are exhibited to public view. Carry the automatic rifle and you can conceal your Beretta.
You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile. That’s why the traffic is so bad.
It is illegal to give a dog whiskey. Make him buy his own.
In Carbondale, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb. Stand up, dude.
In Crete, it is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one’s dog. Is it considered an offense if you’re successful?
Cars may not be driven through the town. Push a little harder, Becky. We’re coming to a hill.
In Horner, it is against the law to use a slingshot unless you are a law enforcement officer. Officer - forget the Glock - get a rock.
In Joliet, pronouncing the name of the town as Jolly-ette when it’s correctly pronounced Joe-lee- ette is a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine. Picky-picky.
In Kenilworth, a rooster must step back 300 feet from any residence if he wishes to crow. In this town, it’s cock-a-doodle-don’t.
In Kirkland, bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of the streets. Who wants to notify the bees?
You can get out of paying for a dependent’s medical care by praying for him or her. Save some money – cancel your medical insurance.
Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights. Officer – “Remove the taillight from your tail or I will take you straight to jail.”
All males 18 to 50 years old must work 6 days a year on public roads. Is the job of “Tail Light Inspector” available?
In Elkhart, it is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid’s ears. Is there a penalty if they actually do so?
In Evansville, while driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on. They thrive on danger here.
In Fort Madison, the fire department is required to practice fire fighting for 15 minutes before attending a fire. Enough with the practice, you guys. Go out and fight that fire.
In Indianapolis, one may only throw a stone at a bird in self-defense. I swear, Your Honor, that crow threw the first stone.
In Warsaw, no one may throw an old computer across the street at their neighbor. Even the circus Strong Man couldn’t throw a computer across a street!
Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats. Really strange law. Yes, rabbits are excellent swimmers but they hate to swim so why would anyone hunt them in the water?
In Lawrence, no one may wear a bee in their hat. But a bee in your bonnet is cool.
In Topeka, no one may scream at a haunted house. How about screaming in a haunted house?
In Jefferson Parish, condoms may not be thrown from parade floats during Mardi Gras. Better to throw those multi-colored glass bead necklaces.
You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant. Use a parking meter or a telephone pole.
In Biddeford, it is illegal to gamble at the airport. Perhaps the biggest gamble is flying out of the Biddeford.airport.
No person may roller skate on a sidewalk. Use the middle of the street like everyone else.
In Rockville, it is illegal to remove a public building by writing on it. Is invisible ink that strong?
Bullets may not be used as currency. Understandable. How would you make change? With shotgun pellets?
In Boston, no one may take a bath without a prescription. Doctor to patient, “Are you serious?”
In Longmeadow, it is illegal for two men to carry a bathtub across the town green. Let go, Henry, I have to carry it myself.
In Marlboro, it is illegal to buy, sell or possess a squirt gun. If you must have a gun, buy a real one.
One may not detonate a nuclear device in the city. Find a spot out in the country.
In Woburn, in bars it is illegal to walk around with a beer in your hand. Drink it while you’re sitting on the floor, like everyone else.
It is legal for a robber to file a lawsuit if he or she got hurt in your house.
In Harper Woods, it is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets. Now there’s a business niche.
In Kalamazoo, it s against the law to serenade your girlfriend. Must be a lot of really lousy singers there.
All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts. Are pants optional?
Citizens may not enter the state with a chicken on their head. Put it in your pocket like everyone else.
A man may not seduce a woman by lying and claiming he will marry her. Guys – don’t say” I will” if you don’t’ plan to “I do”.
In Columbia, you can not have a television antenna exposed outside of your house. But there is no law against having a 25-foot satellite dish.
In Kansas City, minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols. However, they may buy shotguns freely.
In Natchez, it shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants. No use bellying up to the bar, Jumbo, they won’t serve you.
In St. Louis, It is illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. Be a man. Stand up and drink it from a bottle.
In University City, no person may have a yard sale in their front yard. I’ll just move it over to my neighbor’s yard . . . where I park my truck.
One may not pretend to abuse an animal in the presence of a minor. So, genuine abuse is OK?
In Billings, it is illegal to bring a bomb or rocket to city council proceedings. Check it at the door.
In Whitehall, it is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels. Sounds like a bunch of Ben Hur devotees in this town.
If you enjoyed reading Crazy Laws Dumb Laws Funny Laws (from Alabama to Montana), check out the second section: Funny Laws Dumb Laws Crazy Laws (from Nebraska to Wyoming).
Are you laughing at these crazy, funny, dumb, loony laws? Here are some more!
© Copyright BJ Rakow 2010, 2011. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So." Available at amazon.com