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DO NOT GET YOUR FISH DRUNK OR FLICK YOUR BOOGERS IN THE WIND
Do not get your fish drunk, or flick your boogers in the wind, especially if you live in Ohio or Alabama.
Believe it or not these are actual laws still on the books. I doubt that they are enforced, at least I would hope not.
I don't know why I began researching "dumb laws"....probably something I read. Anyway, here are some that cracked me up. This list is not complete and does not include explanation.
•(1) Issue of incestuous marriages not deemed illegitimate.
•(2) It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
•(3) Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
•(4) Boogers may not be flicked in the wind.
•(5) It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
•(6) You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
- (1) It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
•(1) Hunting camels is prohibited.
•(2) Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
•(3) When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses.
•(4) You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
•(1) School teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
- (2) A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
•(1) No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
•(1) Tags may be ripped off pillows and mattresses.
•(1) In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
•(2) It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades
•(1) It is illegal to sell your children.
•(2) Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
•(3) Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
•(4) You may not fart in a public place after 6:00 pm.
•(1) It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroner's office.
•(1) All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.
•(1) The English Language in not to be spoken.
(1) The law stated that the value of Pi is 3.
(2) Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
(3) A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
(1) One-armed piano players must perform for free.
(1) Pedestrians crossing the highway at night must wear tail lights.
(2) If two trains meet oh the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
(1) Fake wrestling matches are prohibited.
(2) Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with false teeth is "aggravated assault."
(3) It is illegal to gargle in public places.
- (1) You may not step out of a plane in flight.
(1) It is illegal to give beer to hospital patients.
(2) At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.
(3) Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
(4) No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.
(5) Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
(1) It is illegal to kill a dog using a decompression chamber.
(2) A woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
(1) A person may not cross the state line with a duck atop his head.
(2) It is illegal to sleep naked.
•(1) If a child burps during church, his parents may be arrested.
•(2) It is illegal to go whale fishing.
•(3) It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
•(1) It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
•(1) No one may be a professional fortune-teller, and if one wishes to pursue the practice as an amateur, it must be practiced in a school or church.
•(1) It is illegal to lay and fall asleep with your shoes on.
•(1) It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
- (2) It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.
•(1) It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo
•(2) Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of 3 or more on private property.
•(3) Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.
•(4) Whaling is illegal.
•(5) It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.
•(1) Dishes must not drip dry.
•(2) One may not bathe without wearing "suitable" clothing.
•(1) A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
•(2) You may not sing in the bathtub.
•(1) It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the courthouse steps on Sundays.
- (2) It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide.
•(1) Driving is not to be done while asleep,
- (2) It is legal to gather and consume road kill.
•(1) Birds have the right of way on all highways.
•(2) No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call.
•(1) There is a state law prohibiting "corrupt" practices of bribery by any person other than candidates.
•(2) You may not engage in business on Sundays, with the exception of almost every industry.
- (1) Whistling under water is prohibited.
•(1) Margarine may not be substituted for butter to students, patients or inmates of any state institution. Violations of this provision may be fined $100.00 to $500.00, or imprisoned for up to 3 months or both.
•(1) It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking.
•(2) You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit.
I feel reasonably safe from prosecution, arrest, or fines in most of these states. However, I can't guarantee that I will never substitute margarine for butter in some state institution while in Wisconsin.
I thought these laws were a hoot, and I wanted to pass the laughs along.